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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


Adoption newbies

26 replies

Mackerz · 06/09/2019 19:31

Hello, we are about to start looking into adoption as it looks like I have secondary infertility. I could also just be a bit too old as I’m early 40s.

Partners friend from work adopted a 1 year old about a year ago. She’s just had a letter saying that the birth mother is now challenging the adoption and she has been advised that the child back? I know that if you foster to adopt then there is a risk that the child will be taken away but I thought adoption is final. It’s really put my partner off adoption, he’s saying he doesn’t think he wants to go ahead with it anymore, if there’s a risk the child would be taken off us after a year.

Has anyone else experienced this?

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Ted27 · 06/09/2019 19:46

When you say adopted, do you mean they actually have the adoption order finalised ? Its very common for birth parents to try to contest the adoption order when the adoptive parents make their court application. Apart from foster to adopt I have never hear of a child being removed from adoptive parents and sent back to the birth family.
It's a last throw of the dice for the birth family, but they would have to show a massive turnaround in their lives. Sadly most of them are just not capable of doing so. Judges would not want to disrupt a settled adoption.
Don't let this put you off, the risk really is practically non existent. There are much more important factors to take into consideration.

Mackerz · 06/09/2019 20:35

Thanks Ted. I’m just making my way through some of the threads.

I’m not sure re the adoption order. DP says she’s had the child for 10 months. It sounds like it’s the Birth Parents contesting the adoption order doesn’t it.

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topcat2014 · 06/09/2019 21:00

A lot of folk don't start really thinking about adoption till around 40. I am 47 and have a 7 year old asleep upstairs who has been here a month.

Ted27 · 06/09/2019 21:05

and I was even older than topcat, 47 when my 7 year old came home.

It does sound like the adoption order. However, they have to be granted leave to appeal, so that may not even be granted

Waffleswaffles · 06/09/2019 21:07

But Ted, after an adoption order has been made the child cannot be sent back to birth parents can it?

Mackerz · 06/09/2019 21:30

Thanks for your replies, still reading through all the threads. I’m glad I’ve found it as some of you are very knowledgeable.

By too old, I think I may be too old to conceive again. We’ll continue trying but we are also starting to look into adoption.

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Mynamenotaccepted · 06/09/2019 21:34

Regarding your age do not worry I was 65 and dh was 62 when our dd was 3 when placed with us but I think they were desperate !
Unable to make any comment on the adoption but it sounds odd!

Ted27 · 06/09/2019 21:37


if the adoptive parents are in the process of applying for adoption order, the birth parents can request leave to appeal, I'm assuming this is the stage this family are at

flapjackfairy · 06/09/2019 21:58

An adoption order is irrevocable ! It cannot be reversed once granted .

Waffleswaffles · 06/09/2019 22:20

Ok I see what you mean, thanks.

Mackerz · 07/09/2019 00:22

I’ve just been watching Find Me a family, heart breaking but lovely too. I was crying.

I’ve read through quite a few threads tonight too, I feel like I’ve already learned so much. I’m sure I’ll be back again. It seems to be a pleasant and supportive area of mumsnet.

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mamoosh · 07/09/2019 08:09

I almost 49 with an adopted 4 year old, most of the adopters I know are a little bit older than the average parent.

NWQM · 07/09/2019 08:14

Hi We has lots of reserves. It's really worth booking into your local agencies information meeting. Obviously it's an opportunity to get all the facts but we've also kept in touch with some fellow adopters.
Good luck

Mackerz · 07/09/2019 09:17


Thanks for that. Are some agencies better than others? First for adoption run evening events every couple of weeks in our area.

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Ted27 · 07/09/2019 11:19

well yes some are better than others - but really its about finding the right fit for you. You need to be able to trust your agency, feel that you can work with them, get on with the social workers.

I did not get on with my first SW at all, but lots of people adopt with that agency, and post adoption I've had better contact with them. But at the time they weren't right for me. I didnt realise you could shop around though, I thought you just went to your local LA. It cost me a lot of time and aggravation.
I'm currently being assessed for fostering, the LA is very poor, if I was adopting there is no way on this planet I would not choose them but I have no choice in the situation I am in.
So I would go to a few information evenings, see who you feel comfortable with and who you feel you could work with.

NWQM · 07/09/2019 12:40

I'd echo what @Ted27 has said. Test out whose approach you like best but also they will all have current priorities eg our LA at the time would not take on any more potential adopters for children under 2 as they had a long waiting list already so they were prioritising their assessments for adopters seeking older children or sibling groups.

Mackerz · 07/09/2019 13:34

Thank you all. We think we could adopt a sibling group of 2. We don’t think we could manage severe special needs though as we both need to work.

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topcat2014 · 07/09/2019 22:57

@mackerz bear in mind you would be expected to have one stay at home parent for around a year - and also, in reality, a lot of those parents don't tend to go back FT,

Mackerz · 08/09/2019 09:15

Thanks Topcat. I get 6 months on full pay (maternity or adoption) then the rest on statutory. We’re saving now to cover the other 6 months.

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Chrisc150 · 08/09/2019 17:43

Hi, you will probably find most local councils now use adoption agencies that over multiple local councils. We have just finished the adoption process and have a little boy living with us now. If you have any questions let me know. Good Luck and don't give up.

Mackerz · 08/09/2019 23:19

Congratulations @Chrisc150 and thanks. I will no doubt be back and asking more questions.

I think the first step is to go along to one of the information evenings, as suggested above.

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jellycatspyjamas · 09/09/2019 10:35

It’s also worth saying that the adoption process is very different depending on which of the 4 nations you live in so some responses may not make sense to someone living in Scotland, for example, where foster to adopt isn’t as common and where the birth parents don’t need to be granted leave to appeal the adoption hearing.

Mackerz · 09/09/2019 11:11

Thank you. We’re in Northern England.

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Chrisc150 · 11/09/2019 16:35

We are in the North West of England

Mackerz · 11/09/2019 18:54

Thanks @Chrisc150. Could you recommend an agency?

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