Dd

[mama1980]

I haven't posted on here for quite a while.
I cant talk in real life about this but I feel the need to vent a little tonight.
I hope that's ok.
My eldest dd has just gone back to uni, she's doing her masters having got a first in biological science...my girl says she's gonna save the world, she'll be working a lab on something to do with diseases.....she loses me half the time these days when she talks about it! She's so so happy, has spent the summer working for my brother to earn money, has a boyfriend.
The years of therapy, counselling etc worked, she has everything I've always wanted for her and I am so proud I could burst.
She didn't mention her bm all summer, I know her inside out and I'm certain she didn't give her a thought, which is absolutely as it should be.
But there is that tiny part of me that still wants to cry, for her bm, for the girl who was once my friend.
I wish so badly things could have been different. Someone one another thread upset me unintentionally saying addiction isn't a 'real' thing, people always have a choice. Yes they do and they make mistakes but dear god I watched dd bm destroy herself for years, long after she had any choice at all, either because of the physical addiction or because she was threatened, forced....
For my youngest I have nothing to show her, nothing to say her bm cared but I have to believe she did. She did the right thing after all willingly.
Sorry I'm rambling and there no need to reply, I guess what I'm trying to say is just for a moment I'm sad. Sad that my friend who once was, will and can never know what an incredible woman her birth daughter has become. I'm Missing who she was. And am sad that I couldn't help her enough.

But it wasn't within your powers to help her sadly. Sometimes there is nothing more you can do. And that is so v sad.
But look what you did for her child ! You are amazing and she is blessed to have you and you her. She is a credit to YOU . You have done an amazing job !
Your love for your daughter and her birth mother shines through your post . I am sorry for your sadness , sometimes we have to just rest with the sadness and let it wash over us.
Adoption is a powerful mix of joy and sadness, loss and gain and there is no getting away from that.
Take care xx

@mama1980
You sound so caring. Your daughters are lucky to have a mum like you.

Addiction usually stems from something missing in a person's life. They have to want to stop but, sometimes the grip is to painful. It's out of anyone's control, I honestly believe that sometimes it becomes so big.

@flapjackfairy is right that your DDs have done amazing so far because of YOU.

mama1980 you are an amazing mum. Your friend is on your mind, you care, you are an amazing friend. It is very sad. I sometimes think of my son's birth mum and feel sad she could not get it together to hang onto him. But I have to believe it is for the best for him because she may have got it together temporarily but still ended up where she was, if you see what I mean.

I think you did just an amazing thing for your two girls and for your friend. XX

Thank you all. Sorry I don't check in on here that often these days.
As always there's no need to reply but this is a safe place for me to say what I need to, with people who understand.

It's coming up to Christmas, and I always miss my dds bm more at this time of year.
What I wouldn't give to be able to invite her to our (crazy) family Christmas celebrations. Or even just to know where she is.
My eldest dd apparently has got together with my dp and planned a 'surprise' this year - they are very excited - I am worried already
How I wish it could be different though. My girls are so amazing, so beautiful. I could just burst with pride, I am so happy, they have come so far, are so strong. My eldest is so determined to make the most of her life, she calls me every day with some exciting news at the moment it seems.
She has just got an award at uni, as well as a scholarship to do her phd if she wants it. I am in awe of her strength.
My youngest has no conception of her birth mother, to her I am just mama. I try to introduce it slowly but how much she can understand I don't know.
She still has her seizures but they are getting better, she bounces back so fast and has her brothers wrapped around her little finger, one word when she's sick and they are running for ice lollies, drinks, toys, stories....I'm not entirely sure she doesn't play on their sympathy just a little bit
All of this I wish I could tell their bm, I wish I could share all of this but I never can and I doubt she would even want to know. And that makes me so sad...I miss the girl she was, I miss my friend.
I hope wherever she is she isn't alone at least.

You've given your friend the most precious and wonderful gift, looking after her daughters for her.
She might not know or even be capable of appreciating everything that you have done, but your love, sacrifice and commitment has made the world a wonderful place for her daughters.
What a terrific friend you are, no matter how tragic your friends life is, you have hopefully broken the cycle for the next generation and that is the best thing you could ever have done for her.

Thank you or your kind reply. I didn't do anything special though, just what anyone would have done.
My daughters are amazing all of their own accord