Sharing adoption leave

[Aswegoalong]

Hi,
I've just joined Mumsnet and I've already found some really helpful posts from fellow adopters. I use the term loosely, I'm only in Stage 1.

My question is about an issue I've been wrestling with since an early discussion with the authority about adoption leave. I don't really fit into the category they describe because I work freelance from home and don't qualify for adoption leave.

Rather than lose my contract (which I will do if I stop working for this employer for longer than 3 months), I would like to cut my work down to a bare minimum of 3 hours per day (which can be done in shorter bursts) for 2 days per week.

At these times, would it be acceptable for my husband to be in the house to take responsibility for the child or when they say I am the main carer does this mean I have to be there 24/7? It sounds as if I won't be able to leave the child alone with my husband at any point.

I understand the importance of forming attachment but my work can literally be done with the child in the room when it's sleeping. My work is more lucrative than my partner's and in a financial sense, there is more logic in my husband taking adoption leave from his work so that I can carry on working a couple of hours per day and bringing in more income.

Does anyone have experience of sharing parenting in the early stages? Is it a complete no-no and if so, when can the other partner be left alone with the child? Has anyone shared adoption leave or even been in the same situation as me? I imagine the child's age is a factor. My work would fit perfectly into a school day although I understand from other threads there's not much time for anything else once you adopt.

My initial conversation with the adoption authority about finances preceded me getting this work. I guess when we start having meetings it can be clarified but I am worried about this now.
Grateful in advance...

If your husband is employed and can claim adoption leave then have him take as much as you can afford for him to take so that the both of you are home together for as long as possible at the beginning. If he has enhanced payments that take him up to full pay for 6-12 weeks then he might as well take this. The longer you have have off together the better (particularly if you have older children) as it allows you to tag team. If I follow your thread correctly and you are taking only about three hours of work twice a week then I don’t think I would even declare this to a social worker. I would simply be stating that as you are self employed you will be the primary carer and that your husband will be taking x length of time off on adoption leave. You need to make it clear that between the two of you someone will be at home full time for at least a year. Some social workers also like to see that you have plans in place to allow one of you to be at home for longer as often adopters find that a year is not long enough.

Our siblings came to us in a January and I was off until mid August on adoption leave, with my husband on paternity and unpaid parental leave for the first 7 weeks. In the August I went back to work part time and my husband went down to part time. One of us was always at home with the kids but it got me back to work and a little bit of much needed me time sooner. We continue that arrangement today 2 plus years down the line. I firmly believe that has been the main stabilising factor in our family unit. Our children demand our all, neither one of us could give that 24/7, we can both give it for the 2/3 days that we are at home knowing that work is coming!! Self care is important. I think it is important to point out to social workers that compassion fatigue is a very real risk with adopters and one way of reducing this is to share the care properly.

Good luck with your assessment.

when they say I am the main carer does this mean I have to be there 24/7?

Why would you need to be the main carer? If you earn more and don't qualify for AL, it makes far more sense to share care.

What you have sounds ideal- DH can potentially take up to 12 months while you work part time. That's a huge selling point.

My husband gets a good adoption leave package for 12 months & I just get what the government offer after 6 weeks. I earn the most, so its far more financially viable that he stays off & i go back
We've shared 6 weeks of the adoption leave (both entitled to the 90% salary). After that, I've saved all my annual leave, so we will have been off together for 13 weeks.

I go back mid-November. Hubby goes back end July next year.

We were in a similar position to you and both times we adopted it was my wife who took the year off, while I worked part-time flexibly from home. In our second adoption, both of us being around so much was seen as a huge benefit when we were being matched.

Wow. Thank you everybody. I'm so glad I posted. I think I was getting myself in a stew over nothing. Probably focussing far too much on this detail because I feel so nervous about getting turned down. But now common sense is starting to return and of course it makes more sense for him to take adoption leave. I also don't need to tell the authority about the tiny amount of work I will be continuing to do. Thanks again. Feeling more balanced now.

My husband took adoption leave from his company as they had a really good enhanced package (100% pay for 6 weeks, then 90% for 2 months, and then 50% for 6 months), whereas I got nothing as I was self-employed.

I worked from home for the first 6 months when our LO came home, and could work when he napped or in the evenings. The SW's loved that there would be two of us around!

If they say 'main caregiver' don't worry too much about who you put down as it will be both of you!

When our second came home my husband took the adoption leave because I’d just had a years adoption leave with our first. I just took two weeks ‘paternity’ and a couple of weeks annual leave. So long as one of you is home full time that’s enough