Saying No To First Match

[MissHL]

Well, myself and my partner were presented with our first potential match after recently being approved, and without going into detail we have come to the conclusion that based or certain needs we dont believe we can meet and gut instinct saying this isn't the child for us, we are going to decline.
Although I know this is the right decision, why do I feel awful? Why do I already feel almost like I'm grieving? We have wanted this for so long now. Is it ok to say no? How should i be feeling right now? Please help!

This happened with us on the first potential match. We fought and fought for more information before we could make a solid decision instead we had weeks of constantly looking at pictures, reading reports and in visioning how the dears would fit into our life. I imagined how our lives would change for the better and then it all come crashing down. It was heartbreaking and we struggled tremendously but it was the right decision to say no.

The advice I would give is be kind to yourself. It's hard and you will learn from each week that passes and each profile or meeting you have. Remember why you applied to adopt. Of course its mainly about what you can do for a child but it's also about you. You know your limits and your not about to set yourself up to fail. Thats a fantastic quality to have. I don't like to throw caution to the wind. I did on the first link and it was the wrong thing to do. Is should of followed my gut. Don't feel guilty, know that your realistic and your in this for the right reasons. Sending your lots of love xxx

You can definitely say no to any match. You feel bad because you want the best for this child and for yourselves. And if you know now you cannot meet this child's needs the only correct response is to say no.

Don't worry. This child will almost certainly find their forever family and so will you, but you have to be honest in the process.

Good luck.

Easier to say no to a piece of paper than have to "send a child back". Our perfect child has been with us a week and it is at still bloody hard..

Of course it’s ok to say no, in fact it’s important you do because there may be someone that would meet that child’s needs perfectly. It’s hard after waiting so long to say no to a potential link, but follow your gut - this isn’t a decision you can change your mind about 3 years down the line if it all get too much. A good friend advised me to look for the most straightforward, uncomplicated match possible because even that will bring its challenges, if any part of you says “no”, I’d be listening to that part and only proceeding if you’re sure it feels ok.

I hope you’re not waiting too long.

It’s really hard. We had something similar and I cried buckets. I still think of the little girl and hope she found a family who was able to meet her needs. And I know - now that we have our two DC - that we did the right thing.