Adopting when you already have three children

[CleverQuacks]

I am at the early stages of considering adoption. I am a single parent to three children aged 5, 8 and 12. I know that when adopting the adopted child needs to be the youngest and also a fair bit younger than the youngest child in the family. This won’t be a problem because by the time I have started the process and gone through it all I envisage my youngest as being 6 or possibly even 7.

My question is, will the approvers think I already have a lot of children and as I am single I won’t be able to cope? I have always wanted a big family and have lots of support around me. What’s everyone’s experience?

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I think you would be a bit bonkers to adopt when you already have three birth children, unless you do it when they are much older.
If you wait a couple of years, your youngest might be that bit older, but your eldest would be coming up to GCSEs, your middly going from primary to secondary, so both needing support.
Adopted children can be very challenging, most have some level of additional needs that could seriously impact on your children.
Do you have room to give another child their own bedroom, what about finances? Can you afford a year adoption leave, what if you couldn't return to work ?
That said, adopters make all kinds of situations work, but it would be incredibly hard work. If you haven't already done so maybe start by researching attachment, developmental trauma, FASD,
I'm a single adopter of one child, now aged 15. We have had many challenges over the last 7 years but he is not as challenging as many adopted children I know. I'm only just beginning to think about increasing my work from 3 to 4 days a week

Thank you for your honest reply. I have the benefit that I work with foster carers (providing support to prevent placement breakdowns) so have a good understanding of the issues faced by looked after children and therapeutic parenting.

That being said I appreciate that living it day to day is completely different to doing it for a job.

@cleverquacks , I think in that case many social workers would be biting your hand off. You obviously have a lot to offer and wouldnt have a rosy view
If I were you then I would be thinking about a particular child that you have worked with and imagining them in your home and the impact that their behaviours would have on your existing children and how you would manage all their needs.
For me as a single parent, not just an adopter, by far the hardest thing I find is the weight of responsibilty. It doesnt matter how great your support is, making the right decisions for your children is down to you. There is no one to share that burden with.
If hand on heart you believe it would be the right decision to bring a challenging child into the lives of your existing children when they still have so many important stages of their own lives to get through, then I wish you every good luck.
I still think you would bit bonkers though and should wait until your children are much older.

Another thing to think about is whether you would stay in the same job - if you have challenges at home then to go to work and face the same might be a bit much.

Like Ted27 I had to scale right back at work, hours and level of responsibility/challenge for me. All I could cope with at work was basic, repetitive tasks that involved looking at a computer screen and not having to interact with people very much! Everyone is different, of course.