voluntary adoption advice needed please

[sunshinesunshine1234]

hi everyone without going in to to much detail im currently pregnant and looking in to voluntary adoption for baby i already have a lady in mind who has 1 adopted child already i was under the impression that we could make arrangements for adoption between ourselves however im being told by social workers that things dont quite work like that and that they deal with adoptions and find parents am I being given the right advice here ?...

Where are you based? I maybe wrong but I don't think you can do a private adoption in the UK.

Yes thats right. Private adoption is illegal in uk.
You would need 2 contact social services and do everything through them.Best of luck x

im based in london thank you both for your replies im happy to go through social services if they can arrange everything x

I don’t think you can necessarily nominate your preferred parent other than express a wish. Also, I think I’m right in thinking social services are likely to want to place the baby within family as a first resort.

Yes you will not get to decide who adopts your child I am afraid. The sw will match your baby with the best option and will look at extended family first . Best of luck x

I'm sorry you are in this situation. You've indicated that you have spoken to social workers so I wonder why you needed to question their advice? You are going to have to trust them.
Giving up a baby is a huge thing to do and will have on going implications, particularly for your child. You need to be absolutely sure. SWs will also want to look at your wider family and importantly the father.
It's not a quick and easy process and may include your child being in foster care

OP,
do you have someone impartial to talk to? I second what @Ted27 says. Even in cases of "voluntary" adoption, it will have an ongoing impact on you and your child. Whilst not entirely the same I speak from experience.

OP I am sorry you are in this tough situation.

Every one has given good advice.

Why do you feel you cannot keep your baby? You do not need to say but you can talk here if you wish to (although do not reveal anything identifying).

I believe you can suggest your friend. I have heard anecdotally of a family friend being assessed like a family member.

However, I wonder if you have really procesed this yourself. Giving up a baby is a massive issue, please talk to darkriver or others on here

My son's birth mum did not have a choice. We adopted over 5 years ago. I believe adoption is brilliant for those who need it.

But if it is possible to keep your baby, it may well be a good story for you too.

We've had at least two women on here in the last few years who planned to relinquish babies and changed their minds. It may be good to be open minded just a bit.

Thank you all for you kind words and advice everyone
ted27 its not that i dont trust them i just didnt feel that the social worker explained the process in a way that I understood i realise this is a huge decision and will impact myself and babys life forever but my own family all have drug and alcohol issues criminal records and mental health problems I dont feel like this is a suitable enviroment for a baby the babys father dissappeared when i told him i was pregnant im trying not to think about myself and think about what is best for baby.
Darkriver19886
no my family are less than supportive I can talk to them but I feel like im talking to a brick wall at times their to wrapped up in their own drama to care or offer any support
Italiangreyhound
Im currently living with family members who have very chaotic lifestyles drug addictions criminal records and so on but I have nowhere else to go I tried to get help with housing from my local council and would be on a waiting list for 3 years before being offered anything I dont feel like it would be safe to have a tiny newborn in this enviroment.
I will take everyones advice on board and think carefully before making a firm decision sorry for the long reply I just want wanted to explain my circumstances in more detail thanks everyone xxx

sunshinesunshine1234 I am sorry things are so tough. I think you need to do whatever is best for you, if you can keep baby and live elsewhere with assistance, get help etc then that may work for you. Do you have a job?

if giving baby up is the best thing for you then please do prepare lots of things to pass on to the baby, letters etc telling baby all about you.

You are totally right that a chaotic and drug filled home is not the best place for a baby but can social services offer you anything else?

Good luck.

Italian greyhound
thats ok I wish things were this straight forward I have tried so hard to find housing however its really difficult to find anything affordable or get help from the council in london. I dont have a job only because im studying at college full time. Thanks for your advice about passing on letters and stuff. Im not sure what social services can offer but I guess I can ask. I think deep down I feel like theirs many wonderful people out their that could give this baby alot more than im in a position to right now although it is painful to admit that
thanks again for your comment
xx

sunshinesunshine1234 please do ask if you can speak to someone so you can get all the advice etc that is out there for whatever you finally decide to do.

Wishing you all the best in this very difficult situation.

Do speak to social services about your friend too.

Op have you tried a women's shelter? If you had housing would you be wanting to keep the baby?

Can I ask your age OP? Some foster families offer placements for both Mum and baby when Mum is a teenager

Hi the adoptee parents could possibly apply would have too serve the LA with 3 months notice of their intentions, could in the interim get adoption papers via family court with full details of process. Social service would be engaged in the process, when all relevant documentation is completed can apply too family court for hearing date cost is around £175 . LA Adoptions around £ 10000, private agency's costs around and in excess of £22,000 too LA on completion. There for if all relevant processes are favourable too Adoptee and yourself , possible the option just on cost would think is best route. Adoptee's our self's with this process .

Could contact 3rd party in due process for support and advocacy www.fnp.nhs.uk will be able too advise and guide you through which ever option you decide, Will support you through your confinement and up to a further 3 years, help with housing , support and visit you as a friend once a week.

Great advice from @fasparent about the family nurse partnership.