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Long distance intros

11 replies

teekay88 · 05/08/2019 07:12

Hi all

Thanks for all your support re paternity leave question the other day I really appreciate your help.

Apologies another q from me. I'm asking this question with knowledge from a previous match where things had progressed almost to intros (long horrible story) so am familiar with the basics of introductions planning process although he was 20ms and had significant needs so 10ds were planned. He was also nearby geographically so a different thing all together.

If we are successful with our match (being home visited next Monday) I wondered if anyone here has experience with long distance introductions. We are in South East and the baby is in Wales with a journey of about 3.5 hours. Does anyone have experience of how long distance intros tend to work - ie would we swap between ours and Wales or would all likely happen in Wales and we just take him home at end of intros? Is matching panel likely to be in Wales? Would we stay on a hotel for intros and if so how would this affect the transitions process? (We were advised to stay in a hotel for what would've been London nearby intros so guessing even more so for this one)

Finally baby will be about 11ms at intros stage with no significant additional needs and has been in one stable foster placement since discharge from hospital with minimal contact with BPs. Of course there is no real knowing but wondered those with similar age and circumstances how long your intros were? With 20m old we were planning 10ds but am guessing this may be shorter. Any info you might be able to provide with what to expect would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks xxx

OP posts:
poppet31 · 05/08/2019 10:16

I don't have any advice yet but we are in a similar situation. Matching panel later this month and if all goes well, we will have long distance introductions in September. Also about 3 hours away. We have been told intros will be 5 days there and 5 days here but will know more later this week hopefully as we're going down for a pre panel meeting. Will update later in the week.

poppet31 · 05/08/2019 10:16

I don't have any advice yet but we are in a similar situation. Matching panel later this month and if all goes well, we will have long distance introductions in September. Also about 3 hours away. We have been told intros will be 5 days there and 5 days here but will know more later this week hopefully as we're going down for a pre panel meeting. Will update later in the week.

poppet31 · 05/08/2019 10:16

I don't have any advice yet but we are in a similar situation. Matching panel later this month and if all goes well, we will have long distance introductions in September. Also about 3 hours away. We have been told intros will be 5 days there and 5 days here but will know more later this week hopefully as we're going down for a pre panel meeting. Will update later in the week.

poppet31 · 05/08/2019 10:17

So sorry, no idea why that posted three times!

EightWellies · 05/08/2019 11:48

Our second time round was long distance with a similar age. The arrangements were complicated by having to take DD1 into account too. We stayed in a self-catering place near the FCs for the first half of intros and then had 2 or 3 long days for DD2, with the FC driving her down and us driving her back. Bit of a nightmare, especially as she screamed the whole time she was in the car. In total intros were about a week.

runningmummyofboys · 05/08/2019 16:14

We had very long distance intros (5 hours away).

The foster carer meeting and matching panel was there so we had to travel back and forth quite a lot.

We spent five days in his hometown where we stayed in a great resort-type self-catering apartment with a pool and a play park nearby close to his foster carers.

He then came to our town with his foster carers and they stayed in an Airbnb house for five days while we did intros, but in reality he moved in from the second day and the foster carers had three days to go sightseeing in London!

Both worked really well.

Loopylas123 · 05/08/2019 18:05

Hi

I had long distance intros (4.5 hours)
Asked for all the meetings prior to panel to be condensed to help reduce some travel.

Intros were 2 weeks and I was put up in a self catering property and we did the 2 weeks there. Was a bit confusing for LO who had seen pics of our home but didn’t go there first.
The journey home seemed to take forever, but we sang most of the way and I had lots of food on hand.
As hard as it is with long distance it’s so worth it 😊

MrsMatty · 05/08/2019 18:34

My grandchild was placed at 13 months old, very similar circumstances to the baby you've been linked with. Introductions took one week and that was plenty long enough. However, it was fairly local - I don't know if the practicalities of long distance would make a difference to the length of Introductions.

DeegeeDee · 05/08/2019 21:05

Like Loopylas and RunningMummy we were 6 hours away. Had all meetings condensed prior to matching panel which was in his town.

Introductions were 10 days (including 2 weekends) when he was 11m old. Stayed in a SC cottage his LA used often so site team were clued up on what we needed and we used that as a base - had mid review meeting there and ideally, if we were closer, they would have ended it but the distance meant we had to do all 10 days.

FC knew the local area well and gave us hints and tips of where to go with him and on our down time. They brought him down to us on the 2nd weekend, he stayed overnight, them in a hotel and FCs went back the following day. They were supposed to come back to check all ok but they said "after 20 years of doing this, we know when it's gone right, no point saying another goodbye and confusing him."

Although we knew what stuff he liked from the initial meeting we didn't take much in so bought lots of his stuff in the evenings on down time. FCs also told us things like food, lotion, baby powder, toys, bottles, dishes, cups etc as we went along, we also took photos of his cot so we could replicate. We then had an idea of how much stuff he would be bringing and what might be missing and asked lots of questions as we became more relaxed with the FC.

Notebook and pen each so someone is taking notes as the other is interacting, laptop and tether for phone (mine didn't work as cottage was in a ditch but hubby's did) iplayer, hub, Netflix, all4, amazon etc all downloaded prior to going, playing cards, books, mags, chargers just to make sure you have enough to keep you busy when tired but buzzing in the evenings. We did a download each evening so we both knew and agreed what was going on. We wrote out his routine so we had it pat for when we started on our own. Took lots of photos for his book and to send to everyone.

We were supported by the FCs all the way through and when you have a good one its really worth it as you're stepping into their place and everything they know and they have to step back to let you connect, ours made us a part of the family, inviting us to dinner and kept us laughing, we keep in touch a year on.

Routine started off with an hour after first milk and built up to breakfast then to include naps, then lunch and naps, followed by bathing and getting him dressed to full days.

Like you say, hard to know at that age how they develop and what their future holds but having taken the leap, we feel confident in how much we will fight for him to have the life he should.

Good luck, you will have an amazing experience when it happens.

teekay88 · 12/08/2019 06:23

Hi everybody so sorry for the delay in replying but just wanted to say a big thank you for your replies. Your insights were really helpful. Currently feeling super anxious as social workers due to come for the home visit at lunch time and I am utterly terrified!! Due to a bad experience with a match that we had to disengage from a few weeks before due to come home it's left me a bit raw and untrusting of things working out. I am scared of any bombshells or issues that will prevent this from going ahead after having bonded with the idea of him (altho I admit I have had a much more hesitant approach this time around) or worried that they won't like us. I'm also impatient to know the outcome because I know if it's a no I will find it hard and need to work through another difficult time after a lot of difficult times recently. They are visiting from Wales and will have stayed somewhere last night before visiting us today. It feels so strange they are in my home town already and will be here later. Will keep you all posted and thank you again xxx

OP posts:
DeegeeDee · 12/08/2019 08:15

From a blowy and wet Wales, sending you a ood luck post Teekay88.

Can only say approach this match as if the other didn't happen as these SW and child(ren) deserve to see the best of you (and why you were approved), rubbish as the process is and as raw as you're feeling.

Frame it all positively, the challenges and approaches you will take, what you saw in their PAR. Think of their potential questions and your answers - will kill some time as you pace and check the window/door.

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter - Stronger, Kelly Clarkson.

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