Single adopter thinking about adopting siblings

[SMBC2019]

Hi, just wondering if there are any other single adopters out there that have adopted siblings?
Discussed with my Social Worker and she is supportive of me going ahead to look at sibling groups.
Anyone else have any thoughts or experience?
Currently waiting for panel....patiently! 😬

Hi I'm a single adopter with one child. I know a number of single adopters with two children, a couple with 3. Most if them arrived separately. It hard work, I don"t know any who work full time, except those with term time only jobs.
Try and think about how you would manage everyday situations with more than one child - eg bedtime, getting one child to nursery, one to school and you to work
Think long and hard about whether you can really afford it - take into account loss of earnings, impact on your pension. Child care costs for two could be crippling. What kind of lifestyle do you want. We don't have an extravagant lifestyle but I don't have to worry about affording a new pair of shoes, or an ice cream if we are out.
Be honest with yourself - could you really cope with a couple of traumatised children landing at the same time.
People do it, but it is really hard.

Thanks Ted27

Lots to think about isn’t it! Thanks for the message and honesty 😊 Lots of good points to think carefully about.
I do work term time only so that will help with all things adoption and becoming a Mummy generally.
Thanks again. Keep enjoying the ice creams 🍦😉with your little one.

Sadly not so little anymore,15 and taller than me. Still likes an ice cream though!

Haha 😊 🍦

Hi, as a single adopter I would honestly say adopter 1 child at a time. You can have a minimum of a 2 year gap (unless another sibling comes along) it will give you time to build attachment.
Good luck with the process

Thanks Allgrownup3 for the advice and good luck wishes.

Another good point 😊

As a single adopter with two children - I have mixed feelings. I think each of mine could have done with being an only child when adopted. On the other hand, their relationship with each other is a huge strength now they are older.

Every situation is different, and never straightforward. In many ways there are no completely yes/no situations

Thats an issue that could apply to couples who adopt though Allington, Being a single may make it harder to manage

Hi Allington and thanks for your thoughts too 😊

Can I ask what the age gap is between your children?
How did you manage introductions and those first few weeks when they moved in?

Definitely agree with every situation is different and not straightforward.

I'm a single adopter with a birth child. It's been difficult, looks like my ad may have adhd and asd, along with attachment disorder and sensory issues. She was removed from birth and has only had one foster Carer, so for all intents and purposes it was as good as it gets for an adopted dc. As I said, it's been really hard. Behavioural issues . All I would say is use all your support structure and adoption groups. I have friends who adopted siblings and they had similar experiences to me.

8 year age gap, and as I was respite carer then foster parent before adopting we didn't really have intros. Just from 'some weekends and holidays' to 'can you have them full time' with 48 hours notice...!

It's a good age gap in that they have different needs when it comes to parenting. On the other hand, their needs were so different there were no economies of scale, so to speak, they liked completely different activities for example.

Ted - that is true, but a couple has more chance of providing one-to-one attention than a singly!

Plus if one sibling has an immediate need (e.g. in our case younger one needed more supervision because of her age, plus acted out, whereas older one 'acted in' and was hostile and controlling) then as a single parent you, tend to react to that need, and don't necessarily pick up on the needs which might be just as great, but not as immediate or obvious.

If that makes sense.

Of course, two parents might also not pick up on the less noticeable need, but hopefully the one who is not restraining littley from trashing the place might have time to sit down with older one and ask how their day went...

Thanks Allington 😊

Wow that was quick intros then!

Yes that made sense about reacting to things when you have two, and especially two completely different needs.

It’s all making me think which is part of the journey and process isn’t it.

Thanks!

Thanks WhoKnewBeefStew 😊

Yes, have the best support network ever. Obviously I’m biased but it’s the truth at the same time ha.

Sounds like you have a lot going on. Hope up have got some support too and finding a way forward with everything.