Holidays & Travel

[selly24]

Experienced adoptive parents -What has worked well and what has been a disaster in terms of time away?

What has worked especially well? Any places/ format/ structure that seemed tk work well and ensured everyone got at least some kind of break?

It really does depend so much on the child. My son has ASD and is quite anxious, we get around a lot, weekends away, a few overseas holidays, which were adventure type trips. We've never had any total disasters, a few sticky days but nothing which ruined the holidays.

The key for us was preparation and not jumping in too soon. We built up over the first year from a single overnight, to a weekend, four days and then a week. In the first couple of years everything was planned in great detail, months in advance. We would look at maps and websites, plan itinararies, he knew flight times, train times, seat numbers , every last detail and we went over and over the plans. Now he is older and more used to things we can be a bit more free form, though we do go back to the same places a lot.
A week does seem to be his limit though, I've never tried more than 8 days. He gets a bit twitchy after 5 or 6 days, he just wants home so a week is enough.
And until very recently, a collection of teddy bears has always travelled with us ! Its reassurance, a bit of home, reduces anxiety - we just need abigger bag to fit them all in !

We travel a lot, my husband and I love our holidays and I was determined that we would continue. We have been fortunate enough that our two cope well.

Our first trip was as ted said one night ( we had previously done a couple of weekends at our holiday house local to us). We had it well planned, I made a social story book of the entire trip, the airport,
The journey, our accommodation, what we would do and how we would get home. This worked well, the kids followed the book the whole way through and nothing came as a surprise.

I have not had to do this since. Within the last year (kids been with us 18 months now) we have been abroad three times. In each holiday we have as ted has said sticky moments but when I watched my niece and nephew (securely attached children) who were with us I don’t think any more than them. In fact ours were probably better as are response to them was more therapeutic. So what works, trying to keep to similar structure and routine as home. We do let bedtimes go a bit. Bedtimes at home are difficult with our son and ten times worse when away so basically we have finally realised that we just let him run until he is practically dropping and no longer putting up a fight. He does sleep longer in the morning so he is not over tired the next day. We bring comforts from home to help them feel secure. We also quite often have family with us, they can help entertain, it takes the pressure off us and also gives the children more of a sense of security.

I read of someone who holidays in the UK and uses premier inns as they all look the same and even have a similar smell. Her little one copes well with the familiarity. They started by staying a night in their local premier inn when they could get a £30 room and built from there.

We went on our first holiday a few months in (three sleeps). It was close enough to get home if needed. We worried it was to soon so prepared like crazy. We told lots and lots of stories about what would happen and when (and we stuck by it). We called the cottage we stayed at ‘our holiday home’ - which turned out to be very important as it was a clear distinction. My DH went ahead in his car (we needed two cars because we had so much stuff anyway) and set up their bedrooms with familiar toys and teddies before they got there. They were thrilled to see them when they got there. We had no expectations and took any activities at their pace. We bought them plants before we went and left them at home (so they had to come back to water them). It was a success and I think because we stuck to what we told them, they ended up trusting us more.

It's going to depend a lot on the age at adoption and their life experience prior. No two situations are the same. Older children can help choose a holiday, work out places to visit etc whereas for all young children, adopted or not, holidays are simply dragging them away from familiar surroundings. Try a short break first and choose a setting that isn't stressful for you, I prefer hotels because everything is done for you, others say self catering is best

I also say the key is preparation. I’m a single adopter and well travelled but I was terrified at the thought of taking LO abroad.
Prior to this we had been away to hotels (first time was 6 weeks after placement) LO loves hotels now as she gets to sleep in the same room as me and loves watching the tv in bed.
Before going abroad I spent evenings researching the area, then time talking and preparing LO for the airport, flight, hotel etc.
Whilst holidays with children are exhausting I also felt I’d had a break as well and our bond definitely strengthened during that week and her social skills improved no end.

We just did what we did with anything new - talked them through all of it. ‘So then we go to the airport to get on the plane and at the airport there are cafes and they X-ray everything and blah blah’. If they have questions we look at the website and see if we can find it out or I guess but tell them it’s a guess (or get them to guess and make a game of it.)

I’d just say don’t do anything you’re not confident doing - when mine were little I hated taking them into busy places, so I’d have hated a city or airport, but ferries and campsites were okay. Now they’re older (and I’m more confident) I’d be okay with those.

Right now (a few years on), they’re loose somewhere in a holiday park in Europe with the kids’ club and maybe 50 other kids of other nationalities and I’m enjoying coffee in peace. 🇫🇷☕️ (These are kids who both have some not inconsiderable problems at home.)

My DDs had been used to holidays with their FCs. Our first one was to a holiday park a few hours away so we could come back if needed. it was the type of holiday the DDs knew but we didn't!

It worked fine. But we had tears from eldest (8). In fact we had tears from her every holiday for 3 years or so. She was having so much fun she forgot about BM and then felt guilty for forgetting.

As others have said we make a big deal out of talking through where we're going, for how many sleeps etc. But we also always emphasise that we're coming home again - just in case there's a corner of DD's brain that wonders if this is the start of another set of introductions.....

As others have said, talk about coming home again, talk about home while away and future plans that have to be at home. Pack their stuff in with yours so thwy understand you are all going away.

We had our first weekends away with DS starting about 4 months after placement. We've done 4 weekends away so far and we're going for a week shortly, which will be exactly a year after placement.

We took familiar things with us, his blanket, his teddies, his nightlight and some toys; and we talked to him about going to a holiday house before we went and about all the exciting adventures.

Tried to keep the routine as near as possible normal, and to be honest he seemed to just take it in his stride. When we were leaving we made a point of saying bye bye to the holiday house and thank you for a lovely holiday.

We've been in lodges or caravans so far as we thought that the hotel might be a bit overwhelming. The last time we went away for the weekend we introduced a late night and the kids disco and he was in his element.

He has been asking recently if we can go to a holiday house again soon so I think it must have been a positive experience for him.