Wait time between fertility treatment and adoption

[LittleMissBoop]

Hi everyone,
My OH and I recently transferred our last embryo and it didn’t stick. This wasn’t a surprise at all - it was poor quality and cycle 5 (donor cycle 2). We’d had a year gap between this cycle and our last one where we’d come to terms with what we weren’t going to be able to have and started thinking hard about adoption. Although it was incredibly unlikely this last embryo would stick we decided to do it anyway so we could fully draw the line under IVF.
Now it hasn’t worked, we feel ready to start the adoption process and wondered if anyone knew of any agencies that were flexible on the 6 month wait policy. We’ve both had counselling and have both worked in adoption and fostering - he’s a psychiatrist and I’m a family therapist.
Would love your thoughts and/or advice.
Thanks!

Hi, I'm very sorry it didn't work.

We have a birth dd and we had three cycles with donor eggs, two fresh and one frozen.

During this time I came to terms with it not working.

Our local authority didn't require us to wait the full six months, more like 5.

Can you use the next few months to find the best agency or authority to go with? Our local authority have supplied lots of post adoption support and I feel this is very important. Much more important than starting the process a few months earlier.

I do understand the keenness to get moving.

If you booked in for the next open day or open evening now you may find there was not one for a month or two and can then take it from there?

Our VA was very understanding and after some questions and explanation of how we had come to terms with our losses (we miscarried three times back to back rather than being infertile as it were) they allowed us to start after four months.

I did spend a number of months previous looking into adoption and asking a lot of questions, so we were very prepared when we spoke to our VA about why we wanted to start the process and what our understanding was of adoption and the process.

Lastly, I'm sorry to hear you have had such a rough time of things- i hope this will be a really positive experience for you after a prolonged period of disappointment. For us, it has been a hugely encouraging and rewarding process so far- in sharp contrast to the whole pregnancy thing!

Hi,
I made my first enquiry to our local authority one month after our last failed IVF cycle. The SW was great and said they treat it as an individual thing. Like, you I had already come to terms with it not working after our first cycle ended with a miscarriage but decided to give a second cycle a go. I was fully expecting it not to work due to medical stuff that became apparent at scans. The SW said some people still won't be ready after a year while others are ready to adopt very quickly. They look at how you're dealing with it rather than lump every one together.
She also pointed out that the whole process will take a minimum of 6 months so by the time we are approved the 6 months would have passed.
We're now 2 months in to the official application and it all seems fine. We've had our medical assessments and the doctor explored IVF with us but he was happy with how we came to our decisions.
One odd thing was we were asked what we are doing to prevent future pregnancy's (I've unexplained infertility). it's absolutely mad and I didn't even think about it but they didn't want us to be going through the application and suddenly have a miracle baby. To show them we're serious I've gone back on the pill which felt a little odd to begin with but we're fully committed to adoption so it didn't bother me.

While I understand the impatience and just wanting to get on with it, having watched a friend go through similar, can I suggest you take advantage of the 6th month gap? While I 100% believe you are 100% 'there' in terms of being ready for adoption, you must be exhausted from the ivf process over the years; take the time to have a proper break, go on holiday, breathe, focus on being you again and build up your energy and emotional resources before starting what can only be described as a slog with lots of waiting xx

As previous posters have said, you don't need to wait to start looking into LAs & asking for a copy of their recommended reading lists. Making your way through the reading list on the beach sounds like a good idea again as PP suggested. I found reading about adoption part of the healing process anyway, it all helped me come to terms with our infertility.