Omg just sent a message to my birth mum

[milleniumhandandprawn]

So am slightly freaking out - all of the what if I dos and should I and what if I don't s and what if I leave it all too late and regret it for the rest of my life crystallised for me this afternoon.
And I sent my birth mum a messenger on Facebook.
I'm 36 and have "known" all my life. My parents are awesome, and on board with this but I've been procrastinating for the longest time.
Now I feel like I've dived off the top diving board and am in free fall.
Not sure what to think now. I've opened Pandora's box.
Ducking hall!

Wow, good for you! That must have been a big scary step. I helped my sister do similar with her Dad who she'd hadn't met (seen her as a baby twice), it went really well. Hope you get what you need from this but try not to expect too much x

Ah thank you gammel I'm so glad it went well for your sister.
I don't know what I need from this, but recently I've been constantly returning to the "what if something happened to her before I had the chance to contact her" thought pattern, and how devastated I'd be at the lost chance.
I'm now swinging between bollocks what have I done and elation

Also because we're not Facebook contacts I'm now worried she won't even see the message!

Hi OP,
What a brave step. Hopefully she spots it if she checks her messenger. Fingers crossed it goes positive.

My husband reached out to my birth mother just over a year ago. I simply wanted to get a message to her that I was not angry with her and I hoped she was happy and living her best life. I did not expect any contact of any sort if that was what she wanted. Turns out she did want contact. Now I live 15 mins down the road from her and my children have a fantastic relationship with my sisters 😊 my advice is don’t expect anything and just go with whatever happens. Let your emotions out, it’s a very emotional thing. Keep talking to people you trust, they will help you x

Ah ffyona that sound so lovely and perfect.
How old are you - if you don't mind?
How did/when did you tell your kids? My eldest is 7 and he's not aware I'm adopted as yet.

I'm feeling a little weird now. She's not read the message yet, but it's been such a part of my identity for (basically) ever that I haven't known her.
That now I'm not sure that I'm gong to know what to do with myself.

You're very right. It's certainly emotional!

I'm feeling like I'm sure I've done the right thing though.

I’m 32 now so started this process when I was 31. I had flights of fancy about it before but my husband said it’s now or never really. And the time had come for me.
Luckily my youngest is 2 so for her it will be a natural thing to be around these people. My eldest is 4 so I’ve just explained very simply who my mum is and that my sisters share the same mum as I do. I don’t feel she needs to know anymore than that at this stage. Kids are super resilient 😊
Please let me know if she responds, in crossing my fingers for you x

Good luck OP

Hello again.
So it went rather well actually!
She messaged me back this morning - we were both at work, but it was amazing.
She really is keen to get to know me and it's like the coolest thing I never knew I wanted to do.
Am totally elated.
Thanks so much for all of your support - and for Letting me ramble away on here.
Blummin heck - totally wasn't expecting to do this this week!
Anyway thanks again.
She's given me her phone number so now I need to decide when/whether to call her.
Also need to speak with my parents.
Acxademically they've always said they'd been fine with it but I'm hoping that won't be doffeeent when confronted with reality....

Lovely to read! Wishing you all the best!

Excellent I’m thrilled for you. Give yourself a few days to let it all sink it. It’s bigger than you imagine but the beginning is always very exciting and new 😊 I left it a while before I told my parents as I felt if I didn’t get on with my mum I could just leave it and they would never need to know. My dad took it really well he was happy for me. My mother took it very badly and we no longer have any contact. But to be honest the vast majority of that stems from issues unrelated to adoption. I get a sense from most people that their adoptive parents take it well 😊 I wish you the very best on this super exciting journey. It will be the craziest one you have ever taken. Xx

🌷

OP that is fab news.

My little boy is nearly 9. If he wants contact with birth parents when older I will totally support him. I hope yoir parents feel good about this.

Ffyona123 I'm so sorry to hear you don't have contact with yoir adoptive mum.Ffyona123*

Don’t be sorry she wasn’t a nice person. She made my adult life a misery and tried to push me out of my children’s life. But we were never close. My dad is a wonderful person and a fantastic grandpa. Im very lucky to have him and such a wonderful birth family ❤️

Completely get what you mean about almost losing part of your identity in finally knowing where you came from, you grow up being the one who doesn't know and that's 'who you are'. But it just means your identity grows/develops a bit - more story to tell!

Just caught the update, so pleased it went well.