Getting the ball rolling - first visit from social workers next week - what to expect?!!

[jodee]

After plenty of thought, we have decided to seriously look into adoption now (I was dreamingofchocolate on another thread, btw), and we have a first home visit next week from SW.

We already have one biological son, aged 7, and he would dearly love a sister (he has expressed his preferences for age, etc. already!)

I was hoping to get some idea of what to expect, what questions will be asked/what to ask SW, and also from anyone who has adopted in similar circumstances to ours? Thanks !

I don't know what your visit will entail, just wanted to wish you luck

Awww, thanks flowers!

Any thoughts, anyone?

try to be natural, i wouldnt be too specific in gender age etc as now they wont guarantee what sex you have, some sw have berated dh and i for specifying a girl. in the end we took a boy, we couldnt turn down a health one.if you are moving, alterations etc to the house they wont proceed, we had nothing done for nearly 2 years, dont plan any hols either when you start, v difficult proccess, you have to be commited, they look at everything, finances, health, interview friends and family, good luck

hey jodee - keeping everything crossed - let us know how it goes

don't know what you can expect but someone did say to me not to forget that you're allowed to ask questions too

agree with hifi about your preferences, our ds also 7 has said all along he would like a sister, but as the process has taken 2 years he has come round and now wants a brother or sister.

Good Luck

thanks for messages - interesting what you say about gender, raised it with DH after reading your posts and he's definite about a girl also, I would have either personally.

April, 2 years seems a long time! what was your timescale - from when you first decided to adopt or your first SW visit? have you been accepted at panel and been waiting a long time for a child since then?

hifi, would they really not proceed if we had a holiday planned at this early stage or had work done to the house? I've been waiting for 3 years to knock the kitchen/diner into one, and hopefully will get it done this year - I could understand if a child were to come into an unsettled environment but would expect works to be finished by that stage?

probably nothing too detailed on first visit but give you an idea of the process, what is covered on form F (the proforma for the information they have to collect which includes info about your backgrounds, childhood, education,carees, any previous significant relationships, what your plans would be workwise or not for after child placed, medicals, CRB checks etc etc)
if they are ready to go ahead some dates may be booked in for future visits and you may be notified of dates of preparation courses.
There may be some discussion re the kind of children currently in the care system, age preferences, whether you can take child with special needs though some would argue that all children in the care system do have special needs because of their backgrounds.
Would agree you do need to be reasonably flexible re dates as the process will involve a number of visits but should be completed within 8 months once you are formally registered.
Best of luck on your adoption journey!

its been 2 years since we first made the initial phone call, we managed to get on the course really quickly, but the problems came with the form F, it had just been changed and the sw took a while to get to grips with it, we were told the sw visits should be about 6-8 months, but from her first visit till going to panel it was pretty much a year.

DH & DS really did want a girl to start with and we talked to sw about it, she was so relieved whe we changed to either (she said it looks good at panel) as she said that some sw don't take too kindly to people being too picky and they seem to lose sight of what they are doing, as all the children need good loving homes, she said she knew of a couple who had specified a certain age for a girl and she must have brown hair and blue eyes, she said that they waited years after being approved, even though suitable girls did come up, they were seen to be too inflexible and placed with others.

The way I looked at it, was if I was pg I couldn't choose the sex, and after talking to sw we agreed that the right child was better no matter what sex.

hi jodee, no they wouldnt stop you at this stage, but once you are approved i wouldnt plan anything. weirdly enough we had to agree to using contraception whilst waiting for our daughter to be placed with us,always a first time in 15 yrs hey!

I know hifi, its a bit weird...how do they monitor it????

april, your Sw seems a bit barking TBH. Have you still got her?

Haven't you posted before about these weird urban myths she keeps coming out with??? I would be REALLY surpried if any panel woudl even approve a family who specified the eye and hair colour of a child. They clearly have issues and need a bit of help with them befroe adopting. IMHO it is more a reflection on the SW concerned than teh family. Very poor practice

As to her comment that "all the children need good loving homes" - well of course they do....but not every family can meet the needs of every child. She's missing the point of the preparation/home study and matching

at my meeting to update my home study whilst waiting for a match the social worker (whom I had never met before) insisted on discussing my sex life and birth control. This despite my half-heartedly trying to tactfully tell her that I wasn't actually having sex in any number of ways before giving up and smiling weakly and nodding.

Big wuss - why couldn;t I just say "I'm not having sex, woman!"

kristinam, i suppose they cant, we had to agree, just incase i fell pregnant whilst the adoption was going thru, we thaughtn they were joking, but straight faces all around.

sorry km, misread your post.

Oh yes kristinaM our sw is as barking as they come, but we were quite a way into our home study so we thought it we asked for another it would delay it further, so continued.

To be fair to the sw, I think the couple were more specific once they had been approved, and I think she was getting at that if there was a child best matched for their family, but had blonde hair the couple would have declined, which I think is sad.

lots of them are barking IMHO so there is probably no point in asking for another Better the devil you know............

any news on a match yet? have you started to approach other agencies yourselves ie kids you have seen advertised in Adoption Uk, BAAF etc. Even if nothing comes of your enquiries, it often shakes them up a bit when they knwo that you are looking elsewhere.And your Sw isnt exactly known for doing thing quickly...Lets face it, if your agency have a child/ren for you they are alreday in their care. If not, you need to look elsewhere

we found our daughter with their new matching data machine, dont know what it is technacally called, they punch in details of adopters, also childrens details are added and hopefully you are a perfect match, we were one of four couples who came up for our dd. we had second refusal, first couple refused her because of mothers drug problems, their loss.

Just wanted to say a belated thanks to all the replies (not been easy getting on the pc lately!). The meet went very well, no questions about my own fertility at all; gave it deep thought for 10 days then rang them back to say we want to take it further. They should be getting back to us this week after discussions with their manager. (One of the ladies has a real soft spot for cats, so the fact we have 'adopted' (rescued) 3 went down well!)