Worried about employer references

[user1479136681]

Hi everyone,

We have just started our adoption journey with the information visit being next week. I'm excited! But I'm also worried about employer references, both mine and my SO's!

Currently we both work at the same place. We have different line managers but there is only one HR manager for the whole company.

Before this, I was a PhD student - will my PhD supervisor be asked for a reference? Also while I was a student I worked very briefly in a law office, but it was terrible and I didn't even last my probation period. Since this was within the last 3 years, will they need to provide a reference too? I'm worried this will do me in because it was a small office and I left a bad Glassdoor reference which I'm sure they know is from me.

Secondly my SO has been at her job for 5 years now and has mostly got along really well. She advanced quickly through the ranks and has got along well with her managers etc. But last year there was a big falling-out with another woman on her team who thought she'd lied about something. It was so silly, SO had made a joke about calling in sick to avoid a boring day-long meeting, then she actually was sick but the other woman thought she was faking it and it turned into a big to-do. HR had to get involved and there were several teary meetings. I assume that when our employer is asked for a reference, they'll share HR records? And if they do will it work against us, or could we explain it? Would it be worth waiting until this is further in the past?

Overall I'm mostly worried about my SO's HR incident and my crappy employment history. I completed my PhD but I realised I didn't want to stay in academia or law so I started working in something completely different. I worked in Morrisons for a while before I was offered my current job. Will I look like a job hopper, and will that go against me?

user1479136681 well firstly I am pretty sure my employer was not asked to give me a reference. They may have been required to let the adoption authority know I worked there, just to confirm that I did have the job I said I had, but even that I am not sure about.

In our local authority we were asked to give two referees each, we chose one person from my family and one friend who knows me well and one person from dh's family and one person who knew him well.

If you are worried about referees I would just ask your social worker (when you get one) or ask at an information evening to find out what referees you need to give.

In your shoes I would not share lots of info about these work related things unless asked, because really how you get on at work is not really relevant to how you parent. Unless you were behaving in a violent or inappropriate way at work I really cannot see how it is relevant.

Good luck.

We had an information meeting last Wednesday with social work and were told that they'll only want detailed work references if either of us have worked with children, which we both have for the past 4 years (me) and 10 years (dh). Other than that she said other wise it would just be a very basic reference so I wouldn't worry too much.

Stop worrying, HR records are not shared. In the 8 years before I applied I took VR from a very secure civil service job, temped, travelled round Africa for 6 months, worked on a checkout, went back to uni to do an an MA, worked as a PA in a medical school for 9 months, three years as an event organiser in the voluntary sector, then back to the civil service. They werent even vaguley interested, just wanted my current employer to confirm that I was actually employed and not subject to any procedures which might affect my employment .

My employer had to provide a reference but it’s not detailed in the way that the other references are. If I remember rightly, it asks about salary, references, length or service etc and I think there was a question about if they kne any reason why you wouldn’t be suitable to adopt. Try not to worry, you will have plenty of character references - this isn’t one of them.

Thank you so much for your replies, you have really put my mind at ease!

At the information evening (and in the paperwork we've received) we've been told that we'll have to give 4 personal references and an employer's reference. Neither of us work with children so hopefully it won't be too detailed!

For our personal references we're planning to use some friends whose child we babysit quite often, my mum, SO's mum, and my uncle.

I want this so much and I'm trying to take it one step at a time instead of thinking about what could go wrong!

Both DH and I had to give an employer reference but it was only our current employer.