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Adoption

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Original poster

Anxious about letterbox

11 replies

darkriver19886 · 02/05/2019 12:40

Well, May has arrived and its letterbox month. I need to start thinking about which picture I am going to include in the letter and also buying birthday cards for the birthdays due before the next letterbox.

I know I have to not buy "to my daughter" etc but, I am not even sure what cards to buy these days. The picture is giving me anxiety as I have lost some weight since emergency surgery and I dont look great in hardly any of the pictures I have taken since.

I don't really see the point of me sending twice yearly pictures tbh as I have barely changed since I was 17 apart from getting fatter and I don't live an adventurous life at all. I am going to do it anyway as I promised.

It's just all anxiety as I wait for the letterbox to arrive in the first place.

hate this part.

OP posts:

OurChristmasMiracle · 02/05/2019 12:58

Hi dark river.

I send a age card to my son. And sign it off with my first name. Letterbox is a time that causes me a lot or anxiety and it’s often late. It definitely takes some getting used to and can be so disappointing.

I only ever sent photos once a year as I only got a photo once a year- for exactly the same reason- we don’t change much. However I’ve removed photos from my contact as they no longer feel comfortable sharing them and as my son isn’t involved in letterbox at this time I feel they have no benefit to my son.

If you need any advice or guidance or support please feel free to PM me x

Ted27 · 02/05/2019 13:05

can you get your hair done and then pop along to boots and get them to do some make up for you , then get a friend to take a photo in a garden or park for you ? I've done that before when I've needed a decent photo. They will just want to see a smiley, friendly face, you don't need to seen to be doing adventurous things.
I think when you actually go to buy cards you'll see lots of lovely cards that would be fine, maybe go for something with their age on ?

Original poster

darkriver19886 · 02/05/2019 13:49

@ourmiracle thanks for your advice. I wish I still had my adoption support worker to talk to :(.

@ted27 I don't do makeup ever lol. Didn't even wear any on my wedding day. I will have a look at my pictures later and try to find one where I don't look like I have just got out of bed.

OP posts:

topcat2014 · 02/05/2019 22:28

Hi darkriver - thanks for your posts on my other thread.

I am sure the adopters find this bit a little tricky too, I know I shall when I get to that point.

If the photo part is making you stressed, why not miss it out this time, but perhaps write that you will include one next time?

Original poster

darkriver19886 · 03/05/2019 07:58

@topcat i don't really want to miss it. I promised something so will do it for as long as needed. I just hate how I look in pictures. 🤣

OP posts:

NameUserChange · 03/05/2019 15:10

what about a photo of you doing something you enjoy? So, for example, if you enjoy gardening, a picture of you in the garden with your flowers. Or if you enjoy walks by the beach, a picture of you sat on the stones. It takes the emphasis off the photo being of you and also gives some background to you too. Might be an option rather than sending a photo purely of your face if you are feeling anxious? Give a picture a context and it takes the emphasis off? Just a thought because although we don't change much I think a picture can provide more information than just what you look like. It can illustrate a little of who you are inside

Original poster

darkriver19886 · 03/05/2019 19:19

That's an interesting idea. I will have a think.

OP posts:

Yolande7 · 09/05/2019 18:36

My children love getting pictures of their birth family. It shows them that their birth parents are fine. It is important to them. You don't need to look great, just reasonably happy. I think the photo in context idea is great.

Original poster

darkriver19886 · 09/05/2019 22:16

I took a nice picture that got a lot of comments on so will print off. Haven't had the letter yet so no rush.

OP posts:

hidinginthenightgarden · 11/05/2019 18:17

I just wanted to say how wonderful it is that you are putting such thought into it.
Stick a filter on snapchat and take a pic of yourself covered in flowers or hearts or doggy features! Your dc will smile and parents will appreciate the effort you went to. I wish my DD's birthmum responded to letterbox.

Original poster

darkriver19886 · 11/05/2019 18:37

Actually the picture I was going to send I used a warm filter for the first time. I like to be genuine.

I feel its important I write these letters. No matter how low I feel and how much I miss the girls I think its important to build up a relationship with the adopters. So the girls know I did my best.

Plus I am an overthinker

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