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Adoption SW pregnant

13 replies

Pastnowfuture · 26/04/2019 21:45

Hi. I'm posting for a friend. She is a adoption social worker and has recently found out she is pregnant. It's come as a suprise as 6 years ago she was told IVF would be her only option. She is currently assessing stage 1 and stage 2 families plus those with placements. It has come as a shock and she is anxious about telling the families she works with. She already suffers with anxiety and feels guilty that she is not automatically thrilled by finding out she is pregnant. How should she sensitively tell the families she works with (specifically those who struggled to concieve). Should she email before a visit so if they are upset they have time to compose or is this not appropriate?

OP posts:
clairedelalune · 26/04/2019 23:17

I couldn't have given 2 hoots if sw pregnant.
Personally I think if it were an issue for adopters then they probably shouldn't be adopting...

clairedelalune · 26/04/2019 23:23

And no, no need to forwarn people.

Italiangreyhound · 27/04/2019 01:27

I understand her concerns but I agree with clairedelalune if it is an issue for adopters then they probably do need to go away and work through those feelings.

Before I had a child I could fairly easily limit contact with pregnant women (except maybe at work). However, once I was a mum, I found most of my friends were pregnant within a couple of years and it was hard to go to anywhere like a toddler group without seeing a pregnant woman.

Your friend needs to enjoy her pregnancy and not allow it to impact her work negatively (unless she is ill etc).

Tell her congratulations. Thanks

jellycatspyjamas · 27/04/2019 02:51

i agree, if someone is at the point where being around someone who is pregnant upsets them, it’s probsbly too soon to be thinking about adoption. Her pregnancy really should have no bearing on her job unless she’s in poor health.

As far as telling her service users, I think she should wait until she’s ready to tell, and do it face to face once she knows how it will affect her at work (eg when she knows when she’ll go on mat leave/if their case will be reallocated) especially if it’s still quite early days. What lovely news for her.

Dirtyjellycat · 27/04/2019 07:18

I find this odd too. I agree with @clairedelalune that if prospective adopters are uncomfortable being around a pregnant woman, they clearly have unresolved issues and are not yet ready to adopt.
Our SW was pregnant and it was never an issue. Had it been, it would have been a huge red flag to all involved.

SaveOurSausages · 27/04/2019 07:52

Is she worried her pregnancy will upset those who can't get pregnant? If so no need. I imagine most have come to terms with that otherwise they shouldn't be adopting yet.

If she is worried about telling them because it means they will have to start again with a new sw halfway through their process then I get that. I loved our SW and would have been upset to lose her, for whatever reason, because I trusted her. I would have found it hard to start again with someone new. But hey ho, sw have lives to and they deserve to live them!!

Pastnowfuture · 27/04/2019 09:07

Thanks everyone. I will pass on all reassurances. I think she is in a very emotional place and worrying about everything. She has great realtionships with the families she supports as she is a brilliant social worker so I have no doubt they will be happy for her.

OP posts:
ifchocolatewerecelery · 27/04/2019 09:13

Our SW became pregnant during our assessment process so she sped it up to make sure she could get us through approval panel and she was there for the linking stage of our adoption. We had to switch to a new social worker for matching and we struggled at that stage but that was because the new SW didn't take the time to go through our PAR with us and instead just emailed questions randomly as they prepared for matching panel.

We were happy for our original SW and had long moved on from being affected by pregnancy announcements because we were no longer trying to conceive ourselves.

Giggs28 · 27/04/2019 19:52

Same as the above comments. Our social worker is pregnant and the moment and has speed process up for approval panel. It has never been awkward for us and I would hate to feel she felt uncomfortable telling us. She only told us after 7 apps but I guessed as she said she would be going off. I will be very sad to see her go because we will have to have another social worker and I trust ours impeccably as we have worked so closey together. I've had struggles with IVF and there is no way I would have embarked on an adoption journey if we were not emotionally ready for it. Please pass on congratulations to you friend. She sounds absolutely lovely. So nice to hear a social worker who has empathy xx

refresh101 · 28/04/2019 09:55

Pregnancy can be a long slog, and impact on work, so she really needs to make sure she focuses on herself and her unborn baby as a priority, I think! Especially in the early days. It can throw you off emotionally which is probably why she worrying about it.

In relation to others, it is unlikely to be very obvious physically until she has a protruding bump.

OurChristmasMiracle · 01/05/2019 15:54

Maybe she should inform birth parents before meeting with them. My sons adoption social worker set up letterbox and meeting my sons parents as well as doing life story work which was highly emotional

I should imagine that it would be potentially more upsetting for birth parents who have recently lost a child to adoption.

Adoptive parents will have had time to come to terms with and accept that they cannot have children, otherwise they wouldn’t be approved for adoption, however for birth parents this is the beginning of that journey of acceptance

Pastnowfuture · 01/05/2019 18:17

Thank you everyone. Really helpful comments!

OP posts:
EL2019 · 03/05/2019 19:08

Our second social worker became pregnant while working with us. She told us face to face when she was about 5 or 6 months and we were pleased for her. Afterwards we remarked she must have felt awkward telling us but handled it really well.
Honestly I wasn’t bothered. I was only sad for myself because she was a great social worker compared to the others we worked with!

I agree with others that if it upsets you, then you really need to work on that before adopting.

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