Can we adopt when we already have three children

[SlidingDoor]

We have a 13 year old, a 10 year old and a 6 year old. All our biological kids.

We all desperately want another child but I had an operation which which means pregnancy would be very dangerous for me now. Also I am 41 and DH is 45.

How likely are we to be accepted for adoption? We are a solvent happy family and all the children would be enthusiastic. Another factor is both DH and I work although we have generous parental leave entitlement, will that impact our success?

We had 3 children plus a long term foster child when we adopted . And we were early 50s .
So short answer is yes.

Long answer is think carefully about the fact that adopted children can be v different and require v different parenting to home grown kids. Research and read all you can about trauma, attachment etc etc . Think about how your own kids will cope with these issues should they arise. I am not pouring cold water on your plans by the way. Adoption is wonderful but it can present some challenges that you may not anticipate so just be aware of potential issues and realistic about whether you can handle that as a family unit.
Good luck x

The only thing I would add to flapjacks post is about working and leave. One of you would be expected to take significant adoption leave, some Social workers would be looking for a year, most would look for a minimum of six months.
Adopted children often have some kind of additional needs, some are very complex. This can often require much more time than ordinary parenting - extra meetings at school, getting an EHC plan, theraputic interventions, fighting to get diagnosis when no one will listen to you or there is a two year waiting list for CAMHs. Some cannot handle childcare. This is both time consuming and emotionally draining. The primary carer may not be able to work full time, or at all.
Personally, I would wait until your youngesr is a bit older and a bit more independent.

The advice above is spot on. Especially about the potential risks of adoption.

At the risk of repeating: the key issue is not whether the SWs see your children as a barrier, it's whether adoption is right for you. Do you have the capacity if your child has a lot of need and how will that impact your children?

That said, I know several people who have adopted with 3 children. Usually they are a little older than your kids (I agree with Ted about possibly waiting). Your huge amounts of experience is a big selling point. If the other capacity is there (money, time, support network etc) and you go into it with eyes open, then I'm sure you will be fine.

Thank you all for your wise words. I know a child we adopt could well have attachment issues and maybe developmental delays and other things. I do think we could do a decent job at giving such a child a stable loving home, I hope I’m not being naive, I grew up living with my cousin who had Down Syndrome and I think that would be useful experience. I know we would have to do much more research.

We get 6 month full pay parental leave and another 3 months SMP so we could take nine months off between us and after that I’d only work three days a week. I hope that would be ok.

Do overseas adoptions happen much in the UK? I follow lots of American families who adopt children from places like China and Russia but I read a stat saying it almost never happens in the UK. Why is that?

I think overseas adoption is very costly from a financial point of view and less predictable, though that’s just my sense from watching people I know go through the process.

I’m not sure I agree about waiting, your youngest will be 7 possibly 8 before any child was placed which sounds like a good age depending on how old you wanted an adopted child to be.

An age gap of at least two years to the youngest child in the family is recommended. Experienced adopters recommend much more. I have two adopted daughters and we are currently considering adopting a third. I would look for a 5-6 year age gap. I would like my daughters to be at a different stage in life than the new child.

I would recommend reading Preparing for Adoption by J Davis, Dan Hughes Building the Bonds of Attachment and Helen Oakwater's Want to Adopt? These books will give you lots of thing to think about and help you decide how best to proceed. Good luck!