Ivf frozen embryos

[Runner31]

Hi,
I'm busy getting things straight in my head about how and when to start the adoption process. I've wanted to adopt for nearly 10 years but after talking things through with my husband we opted to try naturally which then progressed to ivf which ended in one miscarriage and one failure. I know you have to wait for 6 months after finishing a cycle before starting the adoption process but what about frozen embryos? We have two in the freezer and have no intention of using them in the foreseeable future but I don't know how that stands with adoption. I had a terrible time with ivf and hated every minute so it's not something I want to put my body or mind through again and I really want to get started with adopting....but..what about our frozen embryos? We had planned to leave them in the freezer for as long as we can as getting rid of them is a bit of a weird thing to to get your head round but have no idea if that's possible. Can anyone offer any advice?

If your proceed with adoption the assessing SW will likely to be looking to see closure on fertility treatment. They want to see that you are committed to adoption and not still hankering after giving fertility another go. There was a thread a while back ( www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/3530479-question-for-any-caseworkers-please ) that discusses this very issue. I responded on this on my thoughts on having frozen embryos and there was also some other very useful insight from a few experienced adopters. Look the thread up (not sure if you will be able to click on the link above or you will have to copy and paste it into your browser). Basically my gut is that you will be encouraged to use the final two embryos before starting the process. I am sure you do not want to destroy them but you will likely meet challenges with having them frozen.

As someone who had 12 frozen embryos on ice when embarking on adoption we weren’t asked a thing about them. Not One single thing. As someone who never wanted to ever ever have to go through any form of IVF I still didn’t want to destroy them, not because we wanted to use them but because it didn’t feel right to destroy them. I can’t explain why, it’s just how it was. It wasn’t until our free storage ran out and we were asked to pay £400 to continue to store them that we really had to decide what to do. We were already in stage 1 of the adoption process and we didn’t have any intention to ever have treatment so we decided to let them go. During the stage 2 workbook (life story essays you will be asked to either write or just talk about) so we used this as an example of how we had “come to terms with not having a birth child”. The social worker never once mentioned it. Nor was any intention never to embark on any sort of treatment again. Our fertility clinic was not contacted for any reason as part of the adoption process and we had a particularly complex fertility treatment background - I have no idea if that’s normal or not.

I’m minded to suggest you cross that bridge if/when it comes up. Approach it with a similar “we haven’t had to make a decision yet but we have no intention on using the embryos and it is likely we will let the storage run out and let them go”. It’s such a personal decision and I understand where you are coming from. Doesn’t mean you are less committed to adoption. Best of luck.

Thanks so much for your comments. @Lalalands you just wrote exactly what I think about our frozen embryos. My husband was the driving force behind ivf and I was happy to go along with it and see what happens (it was absolute hell) but adoption was always my first choice. Now we're both on the same page about adoption and don't want to use the frozen embryos but it is a bit odd to think about just getting rid of them.
I'm going to phone the social work adoption department next week and see what they say. I really want to get things started as soon as we can but we'll see what their advice is and go from there.

I think that’s sensible. Your agency really is the best place to start as it can vary so much from agency to agency and people’s experiences vary greatly. We were the same - we had decided adoption was right for us but continued treatment for another couple of rounds and we were relieved treatment was over to finally go through the adoption route. Given the number of remaining embryos I can’t imagine put LA saying to see them all through before starting the adoption process (can you imagine?) but this may have happened to others in a similar position. Thank goodness they didn’t want this as there was no way we would have done it! When you know treatment is over, it’s over right? Just be honest and I’m sure it will work out fine.

Also, We regretted waiting 6 months before even approaching our LA as by the time they came to visit us and officially approve we start stage 1 we were well over the 6 month mark and again this wasn’t mentioned. Just get the call rolling I think!

Thanks so much. I'm even more determined to get going now. The relief when we made the decision to stop ivf was huge. A friend said to me recently that I must be pleased I tried ivf because I'm not left wondering 'what if' but I actually feel a bit more like 'why did we do ivf when it's just delayed our new family'. Still, onwards and upwards and I can't wait to get the ball rolling.

Your agency really is the best place to start as it can vary so much from agency to agency and people’s experiences vary greatly.

This. Most of what I might usefully say on this topic has been said on the other thread linked above, but I would agree that the right agency is key. We made a positive choice to adopt, rather than having biological kids, and it was a real selling point- I know some people for whom it was a bit of a barrier.