First time... Lots of questions!

[Hopeful23]

Hi,

Hoping someone here can answer what is probably a list of ridiculous questions about the adoption process! We are due to go on our prep course in May. Husband to be has a v low sperm count and is unlikely to father a child with me 'naturally'. We didn't like the idea of fertility treatment so here we are, excited and ready to go!

1. What does the medical assessment entail? Is it just a GP appt or do they do blood tests etc.
2. What sort of probing do they do into your finances? At the moment we live pay day to pay day, thoroughly enjoying our responsibility free life, but if we needed to, there's lots we could cut back on in order to be able to give a kid a comfy life.
3. Should we look at booking some time off of work? I'm a nurse in quite a high stress environment, so maybe the time off whilst we do this would be good?
4. During our initial visit the social worker mentioned weight. I've since lost 2.5 stones and I'm still loosing it... Do I need to be in the healthy BMI range or is the fact that I can prove that I'm making positive changes enough?

Someone please help my head is swimming lol and Google doesn't help much...

Thank you xo

Hi there!

1. My medical did have a blood pressure check aswell but was mostly a questionnaire, but also weight and height.
2. They won’t mind that - I think everybody pretty much lives within their means.
3. I wouldn’t have time off till the child gets to you - but I’m sure you’re aware you’re expected to take a year off. I think it’s important one of you can take a good chunk of time off at least but definitely think if you can afford it for both of you to be off for longer than the 2 weeks paternity. If you don’t, your partner would go off before the child effectively is living with you which I think is a bit sad! Definitely think it kind of “begins” after introductions and when the child is home with you, so think it’s important you get some time then.

Sorry i can’t comment on BMI but sure if you’re making good steps with your weight (if that’s the issue...) then the social workers will like that. I was surprised when reading that weight can be a bit of a barrier for some people, but it sounds like you’ve lost a lot of weight and are maintaining a healthy lifestyle - so sure the social workers will love that.

All the best!!!

Hey! ☺

1. Just a GP appointment, which has to be paid for. It seems it's 50/50 on whether the LA or you pay for it! Our LA paid for ours.

No blood tests, a few questions based on your medical history, and they check weight, blood pressure, reflexes (?!).

1. Most will want some sort of savings, more so you can prove one of you can be off work for 12 months and have enough money saved for that. We also provided bank statements, mortgage paperwork, pay slips etc.

You do an income/expenditure form too, to show you will have money left for LO at the end of the month. So if you earn £2,000 a month and spend £2,000 a month, you need to consider how will you then pay for LO's food, formula, clothing, activities, nappies, bedroom furniture, buggy, toys etc. That's what they'll be looking to see, that you have taken that into account.

1. I wouldn't book any time off yet, and your SW will be able to pre-book appointments for when they come round. Some, I've heard, may also be able to do evening appointments.

For the training it will depend on who you're with. Ours was a Saturday/Sunday, then the following Friday at 7pm/Saturday, so we didn't have to take time off work, but I know other people have had to. You will have advanced warning for this though.

1. BMI is something that will be looked at, which is very unfair as it is out-of-date and is not a true reflection on health! But that's what they do unfortunately.

The fact you can prove you have lost weight, and are still losing it, is really positive! I wouldn't worry too much about it, as long as you can show you are losing, show you eat healthily and are active, you will be fine. ☺

Good luck!

Thank you both! It's all so nerve wracking and daunting, I feel like I don't want to ask too many questions of the social worker for fear of making them think badly of us! Have you both adopted? X

How exciting for you. I remember the feeling of starting our process and it’s totslly mind boggling. Be prepared for a journey full of ups and downs and plenty of education (and talking!).

We had bloods at the GP medical. Particularly a blood test (hba1c) that shows our sugar levels over the last 3 months. The doctors are asked to fill in specific quesitons about any serious illnesses whether physical or mental health so that the social workers can ask questions in more detail. Essentially they will want any health conditions to be managed well.

Expenditure - I echo howmanyusernames above. Save as much as you can. We saw it that we were buying time too spend with our child (turns out we adopted two siblings in the end) and let me tell you having both parents at home is invaluable. Save save save.

1. You will need time off during day times for visits with social workers unless you are lucky to have them work evenings and weekends. I can’t imagine you would need any time off to manage the stress of the process, if anything it goes so slow and you’re keen for each meeting day to come around. Stay busy I think. , For us Stage 1 was maybe 3 afternoons including the home safety assessment. Then for stage 2 we had 4 full days training and about 8-12 home visits. You will need to write a life story booklet which the social workers will talk to you in detail about over the sessions including finances. Then of course approval panel. It can be stressful but I would say enjoy the time to talk about you and your life. We found it very therapeutic. Also read as much as you can before panel, this will all be beneficial.

BMI. Approval panels can be fickle , some will take it more seriously than others but given the world of adoption can be quite competitive with a number of families putting themselves forward for the same child just do what you can to put yourself in the best position.

Best of luck!

Oh I just seen your last message. Ask those questions, they want to know you’re serious and keen to understand the process. Don’t hold back and let your social worker get to you know you, it really helps at the matching stage I promise.

Yes, we adopted a 6 month old in April last year! ❤️

As LaLa says, ask them lots of questions, they’ll probably think it more odd if you don’t! 😂

Great thanks everyone. We have the potential to save, it's just at the moment we have no reason to so we don't, if that makes sense. We've both opened a savings account now though so will start ploughing money into it. It's interesting that you had to have a hBa1C check done when others didn't LaLa. OH has diabetes so those tests are the norm for us lol. I think we'll be okay, just panicking over small things but if we keep moving in the direction that we are then everything should be fine 😊

It might be because our BMI was over 30, so perhaps that’s it

Oh maybe! That makes sense. Thank you all xx

Hi

We adopted and I've also been involved in some of the prep courses. Your questions show a great deal of thoughtfulness about the process and it's often that that the social worker is actually looking for.

What does the medical assessment entail? Is it just a GP appt or do they do blood tests etc. Our GP just completed the forms.

1. What sort of probing do they do into your finances? At the moment we live pay day to pay day, thoroughly enjoying our responsibility free life, but if we needed to, there's lots we could cut back on in order to be able to give a kid a comfy life. They need to show that you have the financial stability. This is a particularly good area to show that you 'get what you have taken on'. You've started to save so I'd say big tick. The start up grants are minimal and working out your costs - one off like bedroom furniture and any changes to the family outgoings like childcare but also budget for older children for things like regular activities - is a good thing - both for you and the process.
2. Should we look at booking some time off of work? I'm a nurse in quite a high stress environment, so maybe the time off whilst we do this would be good? One of the best things we did was book a holiday. We were lucky as the grandparents to be clubbed together to treat us to most of it. It was a good thing because the process was long and therefore had it's hard moments. Unless you know that you will fast tracked then don't skim on you either. This is a marathon not a sprint usually.
3. During our initial visit the social worker mentioned weight. I've since lost 2.5 stones and I'm still loosing it... Do I need to be in the healthy BMI range or is the fact that I can prove that I'm making positive changes enough? It should be enough. They can't actually discriminate but your social worker has mentioned it and you've done it. Well done you.

You really sound like that as far as anyone can 'you got this'.

Good luck. It's the most amazing adventure ever!

Hi im also a nurse. My dh has diabetes type2. The medical was very basic. We dont smoke or drink but admittedly i have turned to food as comfort. Not ideal but life. We adopted 3yrs ago and have a lovely son. They commented on my weight, im not morbidly obese but over weight nevertheless. I was totally honest with them, alot of my over eating was due to feeling low about not having kids and the death of my daughter. I cook from scratch and on the whole try to be healthy. The finances they just make sure your paying the bills and can keep a roof over your head. For work i had a full yr off and then went part time, my choice as i wanted to be home. Funnily enough in the last 3 yrs im the most healthy and lost weight totally down to my son. As im fully aware of being over weight im cautious what my son eats, im home more so i cook more, we are more active than before we had our son. Plus we have 2 dogs. We had lots of worries if we would be accepted, but what you have to remember sw are not looking for perfect people cos they dont exist. Everyone has flaws but its how you manage those flaws in an acceptable way.

Thank you both that's really helpful as well! X

Hello
I'm in Ireland and want to adopt but from reading in forums and googling it seems some people wait 5 years plus in this country.

Is that really the case? Are there longer waiting lists for some countries? Can you adopt within the EU more easily? Realistically what is the cost?

We are married, have no kids and are in our late 30s.

Information greatly appreciated - thank you

Hi babyAdopt

Can't help you with time scales I'm afraid, but just wanted to wish you luck. X

@babyAdopt I think it's very very variable in fact. It depends on expectations and availability' at so many different points..... next place on preparation course, when the panel mets to pass you as adopters etc even without the length of time it takes to be matched. Some agencies won't consider you unless a Year has elapsed since your last miscarriage etc etc. 3-5 years is pretty normal though.

If you are looking to compare adoption agency timescales and certainly any country analysis just watch that you are comparing the same thing..... by adoption do they mean child placed with you or the full complete legal process completed. There was 18 months difference between the two for us.

Good luck.

Hopeful23

It's just a question - ignore if you wish, "We didn't like the idea of fertility treatment so here we are, excited and ready to go!" I hope you have really thought about the fertility treatment and made a decision not to do it for reasons that will make sense in the future.

"1. What does the medical assessment entail?" I honestly cannot remember but I do know DH and I had to pay for it.

"2. What sort of probing do they do into your finances?" I think they need to know you will be OK to raise a child and have money for this. Not having any savings at all, living week to week or month to month doesn't sound like you are thinking or planning for the future (no offense meant). For example if your boiler stops working, or your car, or if one of you gets ill and cannot work or your child you adopt cannot cope with child care, where will you get the money from? Save, save and save some more now while you are both (I guess?) working full time.

"3. Should we look at booking some time off of work? I'm a nurse in quite a high stress environment, so maybe the time off whilst we do this would be good?" I cannot imagine that stopping work while you are planning to adopt would help your finances. However, what you could do (if this suits you) is look for a job that you will enjoy/like/find easy with a family, so this may be one where part-time working is easier etc. That is a gamble because if you end up not adopting or not having a family then doing a job you do not love would be a shame. However, if you find your job stressful then finding a less stressful one might help. BUT do check out the situation re adoption leave if you do decide to change.

"4. During our initial visit the social worker mentioned weight. I've since lost 2.5 stones and I'm still loosing it" Well done, brilliant. I was overweight, still am, they wanted me to engage with weight loss and I did.

How strict your authority will be, I don't know. Best to stick with it and show them how hard you are working.