How old is too old to adopt a toddler?

[PetuniaPetunia]

I am sure this has been discussed before, but how old do you think is too old for a healthy couple to adopt a toddler?

I've read threads before asking how old is too old to have a baby (biological) and lots of people seem to think that over 30 is a bit old and over 40 is definitely too old and unfair to the child. But in adoption parents are often a bit older.

I don't think there is a definitive answer.

I was 47 when my 7 year old came home. When I am 60 he will be 21. For me personally that feels right, particularly as a single parent, I wouldnt want to be faffing with all the teen stuff in my 60s - I've got plans of my own! But thats me and my preference.

If someone in their 50s feel up to it why not? We are all different, have different energy levels, different family set ups etc.

No one bats an eyelash at men in their 50s, 60s and older fathering children. But if a women wants to - then they are deemed to be too old. Funny that.

lots of people seem to think that over 30 is a bit old

You miss two important points about those people:

1. They are idiots.
2. On the threads to which you refer, the vast majority of people tell them so.

I'm 40. I have two little ones (3 and 5). I'd have been a bit fitter to deal with them at 25, but I'd have been a much shitter parent. I'm much wiser, kinder and more thoughtful now (compared to what an arse I was at 25).

I know wonderful parents who have adopted well into their 50s. I'm not sure I'd want to have a toddler at that age, but as Ted says- it all depends on how fit you are. Adoptive parents go through health checks and a thorough grilling. Unlike the traditional method of becoming a parent, there is little chance of unhealthy people becoming adopters.

42 with an 18 month here.
Single adopter.

54 with a 4 yr old here . Husband 55.

I think it depends... if I'm very good health I would say up to 55 (you would need to be 66ish when they reach adulthood)
But to be safe perhaps 50.

I know many women at my work who have either had children or adopted children at 40/45

I think the reason people have age barriers in place for biological children is because of biology. Well, that would be my reasoning. Doctors warnings about declining fertility and all that.

Most adopters I know who adopted toddlers/babies were in their 40s. Most I knew had already spent 10years or so trying to have biological children.

Personally, I did it in my 30s because I wanted children earlier and I only spent 3years trying to have a biological child. No expectations of age for if/when we adopt number 2. At the moment we have no plans and will just have one but never say never.

I'm a longterm MN but not on adoption thread, happened to look and saw this thread and have to comment :)

I have three biological children, all conceived naturally, and I had my children at 42, 43 and 45, I'm currently 46 so I have 3 year old, a 2 year old and a 3 month old. I'm a SAHM at the moment.

Days are long (early starts and late nights and sleep interrupted by both baby and 3 year old). Tidying up, cleaning, laundry is relentless. But so is the fun. Toddlers are hard work but they're also a whole lot of fun! I can't stand all this over 40 is too old, I've met people in their 20's with less energy and poorer health than me so I really do think it depends on the individual.

And the only reason I've commented on my children being conceived naturally is because I think it's relevant as most people assume they're the result of IVF which fuels the 'you're too old' argument.

SS tend to have a maximum age gap of 40 or 45 years (for the younger of the couple if there are 2 of you) so that you can be healthy through to their adulthood.

I was 40 and DH 50 when we adopted put 2 then aged 2 and 8.

12 years on and I am shattered, more due to DD1's issues over recent year than DD2, but still.

Under The problem with that age barrier 'so that you can be healthy through to their adulthood' is that nobody can predict the future. I've lost two friends in the last two years to cancer in their late 40's. I also know of someone who is incredibly fit and athletic and is now dealing with an inoperable and terminal brain tumour in their 40's.

I’m 47 with a 6 and 7 year old, my DH is 52 - they more than keep us on our toes, but they bring so much fun too.

Should have said 'to maximise the chance of you being healthy through to their adulthood'.

I am 47, (and) fingers crossed we might be matched with a 7 y/o, which would be a 40 year age gap.

Thank you everyone who replied. We are likely to be 48 and 50 when approved, if we get that far!

Oh mere spring chickens then.
Good luck with it all x

Thanks Flapjackfairy

Just wanted to give an adopted child's perspective. I was an adoptee (decades ago!), my mum was 46 and dad 49 when I was placed as a tiny baby. They were fabulous parents with the patience of saints.. and we had loads of fun. They said that having me helped to keep them young (though I suspect I gave them a few grey hairs too). There is a lot to be said for so-called 'older' parents. I hope all goes well for you xx

From what I've heard, social services tend to think along the lines of when biologically speaking you would have a toddler so up to mid 40's is ok especially when they are part of a sibling group with an older child (harder to place). There's certainly not a fixed age bar these days.

I'm 30, not that far into the adoption process.

I honestly don't know how anyone in this day and age can adopt earlier. After uni, getting a partner, saving for a house and getting a stable job, I can't imagine being many younger people than me. And it's been a struggle to get myself in this good position.

It seems a bit silly to have a bracket of 10 years (30-40) for toddlers

It seems a bit silly to have a bracket of 10 years (30-40) for toddlers

There is no bracket. A hard limit (there used to be one, something like 45 years + age of child) was found to be unlawful some years ago (any SWs want to weigh in?).

Now it is entirely about health of adopters. In practice, of course, a LA with a big supply of adopters will favour younger parents. I don't think it starts making a big difference until over 50.

Thing is, so much else affects matching. I know adopters in their 50s who've adopted babies; that might be impossible in some areas of the country.

A hard limit (there used to be one, something like 45 years + age of child) was found to be unlawful some years ago (any SWs want to weigh in?).

Yep, it was found to be discriminatory to have a blanket age limit - it now really depends on the area you’re in, your health and well-being, the profile of other people waiting to adopt and whether the children are considered hard to place. There’s not a particular “window” any more, generally people come to adoption at the older end of things now anyway for all the reasons mentioned above - throw in a couple of years ttc, a some ivf and you’re well into mid thirties/early forties before doing anything about adoption.

Sorry trying not to laugh I was 66 and Dh was 64 when youngest was placed with us aged 3! I honestly feel SWs bend the rules when it suits them! I think they were desperate as AD had complex health needs.
BTW they rang us, we were not looking to adopt any more!
Good luck you are mere babies

Hi there. I work for a voluntary adoption agency based in the South West of England - Families for Children. To answer your question most of our adopters are in their 30's, 40's and in fact early 50's. There is no upper age limit when determining who can adopt. However the assessment will take into account your physical ability to look after a child and the child’s needs. In turn this may have a bearing on the age of the child you will have to consider. But certainly do not be put off. If you think you have the energy and can offer a permanent loving home and a secure environment to a child go for it!
If you live in the South West we currently have a shortage of adopters and desperately need more adoptive families to come forward. Take a look at our website if you want to find out more - www.familiesforchildren.org.uk

I'm 43, DP is 49 and we've just had a baby placed with us (younger DB of our two year old). We are KNACKERED. And a bit worried about our health in future years when the kids are still young. We've gone on a big health kick as a result.

Apart from that, no regrets. I'm way way way more emotionally and psychologically ready for this than I would have been as a young parent. We're financially stable and in the sort of jobs where we get decent adoption leave etc, again things that would have been trickier when we were younger. So it's swings and roundabouts.