Experiences with FfA ?

[MurkyWaters]

We're (still) in stage one and have been to several network meetings and started adoption training.
Over time our ideas about what we could and couldn't handle have evolved. One thing that we are thinking about is FfA and we were wondering if there are people who wouldn't mind sharing their experiences with us here.
I work with Looked After Children and am not naive about all the ups and downs we are likely to face. However the minimal disruption to the child and early bonding feels to us as something that potentially outweighs the uncertainty of the placement and possible contacts with birth parent(s).

People on my prep course did it. When he was born they took him home from the hospital. It took months for the adoption order to go through though and I remember her telling me she got to the point when she cried every time he went to contact with his biological family. She said it was a massive strain because they were trying to bond with him and emotions were all over the place. There was the underlying fear he would be returned to his biological parents. Other than that I believe all is going well and they are about 4years in.

We always said no to foster to adopt for those reasons.

I wasn't approved for FtA but my agency approached me with the match and retrospectively approved for FtA when we agreed. Bm had previously had children removed due to drugs and wanted to relinquish. Bm did at one point say a relative, who had a sibling, was going to come forward. They didn't.
My son only had direct contact for six weeks.
I have a birth son so initially we told him we were looking after baby until his bm got better. Then once it moved to adoption talked to him about baby staying and being his brother.
When it works the benefits are huge. My son left hospital at 10 days old and came to live with us. He has secure attachment and is hitting all his developmental milestones. He fit straight into our family.
He has had significant drug exposure and the first few months were incredibly difficult but I wouldn't change a thing.

I know of around 5 couples who have done this. 2 went without a hitch.
One couple had a successful experience first time but second time had to return the baby to family.
Another couple had to return baby to family after a family member stepped forward.
A third had to return the baby to family who 6 months later decided they couldn’t cope and returned her to the same family who have now adopted her.
If you can handle that and taking them to contact then you will be fine. There is a lot of uncertainty though.

We did it with DS who was 3 months when we brought him home (now just turned 2). DD was 4 at the time (now 6).
We initially said no to foster to adopt for the reasons previous posters have given. We also both work and so would have struggled with contact arrangements, especially if the legal process dragged on beyond my adoption leave.
Ours was a really unusual situation though, in that DS was relinquished so no contact necessary. The placing LA checked out possible family placements (birth dad, gps) in those first 3 months and only placed him with us when they were fairly sure he would be staying.
There was still a risk obviously, but one we felt wasn’t too high. No regrets here!

If you have a look on YouTube, there is a channel called 'Aimee vlog.' She has adopted two little ones, one through foster to adopt, and has a few videos on this subject which may help.

I did F2A. I brought my beautiful boy home at just one day old from the hospital. He is now 2 and the AO was granted when he was 6 months. He is amazing and we have great bond, and I'm so glad he didn't ever experience any moves/disruptions.
However, despite him being considered very low risk of going to birth family, that soon changed and there was uncertainty for a while as to whether he would stay with me. I can't tell you how heart wrenching and difficult that was - and even though I thought I'd been prepared for it, I don't see how you can prepare.
Everything worked out in the end and I am so glad I did do F2A - however, I don't know if I could do it again and put myself, son and family through the uncertainty.
It is such a difficult decision, good luck in whatever you decide.

Everyone thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences and giving tips and pointers. We've had out adoption training this week and need to have a good think and chat about this.