Letterbox with older siblings

[Rainatnight]

DD and DS have lots of older siblings. Two, who are teenagers, have asked for letterbox with DD and DS. I don't have a problem with this and have agreed. It starts next month, and will include a 'settling in' bit for DS who just arrived last month.

I wondered if anyone had any experience of sibling letterbox, and whether there are any dos and don'ts I should be aware of?

I could just do exactly the same letter that we do for BPs, and I think this is all the LA expect us to do. But it would be good to know if anyone else could tell us anything we should bear in mind.

For example, the older kids have had a pretty shitty life, and ours are having a very nice life. How will they feel reading about that? Comforted that their siblings are happy? Or a bit resentful about the comparison?

Any ideas helpful.

I've not been on this position so feel free to ignore me! I am an adoptive mum and we have letter box with the birth parents.

I'm your shoes I'd be tempted to keep the letters very similar. If you give either receiver lotsbof new info thhe other doesn't get, it could make one person feel left out, IYSWIM.

I tend to down play any holidays we have, making them sound simple, even if they were a bit pricey. It's rare for us to have expensive holidays but I expect the birth pare ya never get to go away, so I play it down.

I'd avoid talking too much about possessions, toys, treats etc. The siblings may feel jealous that the child has a bett e life than they had, but may also feel thankful too.

I would imagine it won't be one or other feeling.

I'd probably focus on the child, the things s/he is good at, finds fun etc.

Good luck, it's a good thing you are doing.

Our DC have a number of older siblings, in foster care with different carers. We have twice yearly letterbox with them, we adapt the annual letter to BP's and then send a variation of that for the other. I keep a copy saved of each, so that they're not too similar to the previous one.
If they're asking for it then hopefully you'll get something in return. One of the DC's siblings is engaging with it at the moment so we get a reply from them, but the rest haven't which is tricky. We will keep sending for all of them though, I don't ever want there to be a chance in the future for them or our DC's to say we stopped them keeping in touch.

Just to add, content wise we stick to things they're enjoying doing in school, current favourite tv progs, songs or books and what they enjoy doing around the house so "DC1 loves making new things with lego at the moment but DC3 prefers colouring and doing puzzles".
We didn't mention our little holiday and kept it vague about Christmas as well, "enjoyed the school play and has written to Fr christmas."
Good luck, I always wonder if we're doing it right.

Sounds to me, like you are doing it totally right Adname.

We do mention holidays bit always after they happen and always low key.

I'd never talk about future plans for several reasons!

I agree with Italian we never talk about future plans either.

We have direct contact to older siblings, who are in care. They have always been very supportive of the adoption and are very proud of any achievements of our children. Like others, we keep holiday stories vague and have briefed our children not to go into much detail about birthday presents etc.. So far, I have not detected any jealousy - even though one siblings would have liked to be adopted. They are incredibly generous, loving and supportive.

I would write about their achievements in school and hobbies, tell them funny things that happened or that your children said, tell them what they are interested in and what they like watching on tv. Just try to make them come alive via the letters. Tell them that that they have pictures of them in their rooms (if they do) and that you talk about them. Ask them questions, to make writing back to you easier and to get into a dialogue. Maybe your child could add a drawing?