So, the matching bit was supposed to be the nice fluffy easy part, right?

[topcat2014]

I have attended a couple of activity days so far - and expressed an interest in about five children. Only heard back about one of them - CPR to follow soon.

I know it is only a couple of weeks - and I know (and accept) that adoption is all about finding families for children, not children for families - that is the bit the rational grown up part of me knows.

BUT - I am really struggling with the waiting, and also feel a bit sorry for myself that our arms didn't get bitten off for the children we haven't heard any more about.

Please tell me I am being a pathetic idiot and these things take months not days or weeks :) :)

No I don't think its the fluffy, easy part, I think its probably the hardest part for so many reasons.

But like everyting in adoption world its how long is a piece of string, some people get matched in days, others weeks, others months. I 'found' my son after four months - took nine flipping months to get him home. He was worth the wait

I tend to think what's meant for you won't pass you by. You are on a path, your child is on their path - at some point the paths will cross.

Hate to say it but buckle up for a rollercoaster ride. We found matching the hardest bit by far!! A couple of weeks is nothing I hate to say as is not hearing anything back from social workers. Especially if you are using linkmaker!! Honestly I would relax and take it as it comes so you don’t drive yourself mad. The best things take time

Friends placement has taken 13 or is it 14 months from expressing an interest in a particular child to starting introductions, other friends is was more like 5 months!

Thanks, I guess I need to learn to put things to the back of my mind..hard to do though!

We were approved last June and have had 2 possible matches Dall through due to legal issues. There were other possibles that weren't right for us too in fairness. We were advised of another possible match in December, read CPR expressed interest and it's taken weeks to even get a date for their SW to visit us (appreciate they are all crazy busy). We've found this bit really hard after the happiness and relief of being approved at panel.

Sending you a hug and positive thoughts it's SO HARD not to take it personally. We've been keeping busy, doing bits on the house, seeing friends and going away for a week soon. It helped us to view this as extra prep time.

Approval was easy compared to matching, and we got matched 2 weeks after approval!
After that it was another 2 months before we could bring our LO home, and that was by far the worst bit about the whole process!

I’m sorry to say this , but sometimes it can take years, not months. And never days, even if you are matched with a a child a week after approval.

And matching is never easy or fluffy.

Sorry, I think you need to change your expectations, or you will struggle more than most during this stage. You should try and get on with your lives as much as possible, I know it’s hard, but it’s the ony way to stay sane.

@IM0GEN - yes, I am reaching that conclusion.

I guess, if they said at the start, you do all this training stuff and then matching takes ages it could put people off.

Mind you, I am fairly sure most people start off assuming the matching will be relatively quick before learning the truth

You’re right. Several issues;

1. It varies for everyone so no set timeline. Some wait 2 years, others get told about a potential match straight after the panel when they are approved.

1. SS can be very ‘economical with the truth’, some more than others.

1. Many delays are down to their disorganisation and lack of child centred practice. Some are unavoidable due to legal or procedural issues.

1. Some families are more complex to match, and / or they are looking for a “high demand “ child.

I hope you get some good news soon.

It is deffo the hardest part of this journey so far, we found. The endless waiting, chasing social workers, not knowing what is going on, not having control over any of it... it's bloomin hard. But will be so worth! The right little one(s) will come to you and it will all be worth it :-)

We are still waiting too, having been approved late October last year. Hang on in there, you will find coping strategies and will get through it!

Definitely found matching hard not fluffy. 5 months from approval to match and then 4 for him to come and live with us.9 months on total so not bad (plus a year ad a bit to get to approval).

Honestly use this time to:

1. Save money
2. Declutter
3. Read about adoption and issues and parenting
4. Do the things you won't be able to do for ages- meals out, mini breaks etc (clashes with one!)

@italiangreyhound - thanks!

topcat2014 I wish we had decluttered more!

The waiting is hard. I found it very hard and your post resonated with me. But in the end it did happen. We waited four months to find the right child for us. For various legal reasons his LA were unable to proceed that that time so it was back to the drawing board. He then re appeared two months later and we now have him home with us. 8 months from approval to matching panel.
Take a breath, you'll get there.