Stopping IVF

[Pixie2019]

Hi everyone, sorry for the long post but here we go.

We found out our IVF failed in early Dec and we have been getting ready to go again as we have one frozen embryo remaining from the cycle. I no longer feel that I want to pursue IVF because of the impact it has had on me emotionally. If I had know how hard IVF would be for me, I would not have gone through with it in the first place.

We had been trying for a couple of years when we started the fertility investigations and I was diagnosed with damaged Fallopian tubes and they were removed so I have already been through a couple of operations before we started IVF and there is no chance of natural conception anymore.

I have spoken to my husband this morning who is very supportive although I would like him to take some time because it a huge blow to deliver. We have been together for nearly 11 years and have a very strong relationship. I would like to pursue adoption but keep our frozen embryo in storage in case adoption isn’t successful (I am 32). i won’t start pursuing adoption immediately as I think I need to talk to a counsellor and we will take some ‘us’ time to make sure it is right for both of us however I am doing research.

I just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation and how you handled it? Is there any information you wish you had or things that really helped you?

I don"t honestly know how social workers would feel about you keeping an embryo in case adoption wasnt successful. They normally want you to have completely finished with fertility treatments and had some time to come to terms with not having birth children, usually 6 months.

You mention the emotional impact of IVF. I'm afraid adoption is no picnic either. The assessment process can be very stressful, finding your child is also emotionally draining. Most adoptive children will have additional needs.
I've never had IVF, so correct me if I'm wrong but I'm assuming like most things fertility wise, the younger you are the better? If that's the case I think I would have one last go and look at adoption if it doesnt work.
At early 30s you are quite young in adoption terms so you have plenty of time for that.
Counselling sounds like a good idea.
Difficult decisions - good luck with whatever you decide

Yes we had to have a letter from our fertility doctor confirming treatment had ended although I'm not sure if having a frozen embryo would be considered continued treatment.

They will want to see that you have processed the loss of failed Ivf / infertility in your assessment. Personally I would either close the door on fertility treatment completely or try again before moving forward with adoption but that's just me and how I deal with things, I need to close the chapter and then move on.

We waited a year after our 2nd IVF before moving forward with adoption, it's a tough time so take care of yourself OP and good luck moving forward.

Hi pixie. We were in your position and after a lengthy fertility/IVF road, we too decided to leave the 12 or so frozen embryos behind and pursue adoption. We knew after 6 failed pregnancies (some natural and some via ivf) we had had enough. In fact we knew after 4 but still went for more treatment. We actually felt a big sense of relief to leave all treatment behind. One of the big things social workers quizzed us on was coming to terms with our losses and (for us) not having a birthchild and what that meant for us. You will be glad to know that getting some counselling as a couple was seen as a great strength and being able to articulate your state of readiness to pursue adoption is really important. For us, we knew we would never have any more IVF so we took the decision to dispose of our remaining embryos but I’m not suggesting this was necessary. People may decide to adopt and then go on to have more treatment but we knew this wasn’t right for us. The key for us was Really being able to talk about not having a birth child and be peaceful with that. During stage 1 training they do touch on loss and they do watch your reactions. This was recorded as part of our end assessment which was seen by all prospective family finders so it is a topic that follows you right through until you go to matching panel.

Wishing you all the very best.

Your story is very similar to mine in many ways so firstly I wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your unsuccessful IVF cycle. The whole process is so gruelling and in my eyes anyone who goes through it is so brave. I don't want to give any advice on future cycles etc as it is such a personal choice. What I did want to say was that when we were ready to move away from IVF and start the adoption process I kept reading, repeatedly, on forums that we would need to wait 6 months after fertility treatment before begining the adoption process. In reality, however, we found that adoption agencies actually did not take this stance. What mattered most, to them, was not a time frame but rather that we had both come to terms with what had happened and that we both felt ready to move forward. They were so respectful of what we had been through and so supportive of us taking the next steps. Wishing you all the best.