Adopting after BC

[RoomForMore]

Heading to panel next month! Would love to hear from adopters who already had BC and how the children all got on / accepted each other. Any tips or advice, and anything to avoid We've got 2 BC.

TIA!

About 1/3 of adopters have BC already.

• we do (DD12), and are approved adopters with no match yet.

Confident my DD will be fine, although it is fair to say our approval process took longer than it would without any BC, as the SW needed to be sure DD was on board.

@topcat2014 how long have you been waiting for a match so far? Our 2 are still little so they haven't really been asked for their opinion yet. Although the 4yo is very excited.

We have one BC, he was 3 when we were approved. We were matched with DD a week later and she moved in a week before DS turned 4.

The main thing we were asked was what differences there would be parenting adoptive children over birth children.

DD was only one when she came home but they get on really well. DS is great with DD although he tells absolutely everyone that she is adopted!

We also adopted after having a BC

From memory (it was a long time ago now!) we were asked about how we would parent differently and how we thought that family members would respond to an adopted child.

Regarding their relationship - DS and DD absolutely adore each other. They are absolutely brother and sister, and when things are going well they are inseperable (they will chose to sleep in the same room as each other, for example - one reason that they both still have bunk beds in their own rooms)

However, when things are going badly they fight really badly. DD is jealous that DS wasn't adopted; DS is guilty that DD had to be adopted. They both play up for our attention to try to win this battle in their own way. DS once said that he didn't realise that a sibling could hurt him so much just by saying things to him

It's tough, it really is. We wouldn't do anything differently, because of course we have DD who we love dearly. But I would love just a sprinkle of pixie dust to make her a bit more manageable and a bit less volatile. Then everything would be (sort of) perfect

@room4more - approval was in November, and we got logon details to a matching site earlier this week. - so only just at the start of the matching journey.