How do you know if child is forming positive attachment?

[Cherry321]

We are 8 weeks into placement and I think things are going well. I realise it's early days, but little one is smiling and laughing, will kiss us and wants to be picked up. She gets excited when we come in the room and also looks to us if she is uncertain about something or a bit overwhelmed.
SW keep asking how we think the attachment is going and I'm not sure really. Are these the right sort of things? She is 14 months old.
Thanks in advance.

She is also eating and sleeping well.

Realise it's a big question, so have dug out some of my textbooks to refresh my understanding of attachment.

I wouldn't worry too much about answering your SW genuinely, that they are even asking you that after 8 weeks shows how little they understand attachment, so just smile and nod and make positive noises.

However, to actually answer your question...we were talking about this over Christmas. DD2 has been home for a bit more than a year. When we went to people's houses over the holidays, she would stay close as she settled, then would go off and play, returning now and again. If anything went wrong though, she was straight to a mummy. She sat with me to eat and happily left with us at the end of the visit. She has a reasonably secure attachment style.

DD1 at the same stage would have blanked us for the whole visit if we'd let her, got totally overstimulated, been overly familiar with other adults, ran off when it was time to leave and would have had some form of meltdown between the visit and bed. That would have been despite us being careful to keep her close and meet her needs. It's only been this year, 5 years in and loads and loads of consistent effort, that we've seen a shift in this.

Hope this helps to give some idea of the different sides of it.

Sorry, I meant to say that it's great that things are going well.

Totally agree with EightWellies (fabulous name, says a lot).

Our son has (I think) bonded and attached well.

It was just constancy, being there, doing things to bond (skin to skin when swimming), games, routine, knowing him and letting him know I know him etc.

This week he got into a fiery temper eith me but soon it was forgotten (my fault, so I said sorry). I'm making it so easy but it has been hard.

You sound like you are doing great. Just reassure the SW.

My daughter is showing really good signs of attachment. She was 9 months when she came to us and happy to go with anyone, rejected cuddles, hugely independent, wanted to hold her own bottle etc. She had a reputation as a gregarious, happy baby. It was hugely distressing to see.
She is 3.5 years now and has suddenly got clingy in the last few months- doesn't trust strangers, gets upset when I leave. It's brilliant!
Any sw talking about attachment in first few weeks really doesn't understand.

Attachment is two way so when the SW asks about attachment the reply they look for involves discussion about how the child is responding, and also how you as parents are feeling toward her. It’s going really well by the sounds.
Eight weeks is early but going to you for comfort is a great sign. When you start to see her whole range of emotions, rather than just smiles, and she can be coaxed out of a epic tantrum by you, that’s a great sign that attachment is going well. We knew we were on to a good thing with second adoptee when they had a screaming tantrum, lashed out, and eventually came in for a cuddle, then forgot their woes about two minutes later. At 14months my AD started disliking the SW visits, as I guess there was an association there with transition, and I think this response was healthy...although annoying, as she always looked miserable and angry when SW turned up!

Our daughter was 9m when she came home. She was a very smiley easy going baby and happy to go to anyone. A few months in she went through a horrid phase of throwing herself at any woman for a hug, stranger or not. It was awful and we closed ranks and I kept her very close. It passed.

Now she is 3.5 and we are also in a very clingy stage. She will say hello to people at the till in a supermarket but go very funny with anyone else. She follows me constantly and is generally hard work now. Always asking where her dad is when he isn’t around and vice versa. Not sure if this is normal or not!

The main thing is to realise attachment takes months/years!

Oh wow, Pica, my DD did exactly the same thing about holding her own bottle, at about the same age. I've never talked to anyone else about this. She also sort of sat up and away from us when she was having her bottle, rather than lying down and snuggling in.

Friends of DP's who had kids said to us, 'ooh, 8 months, isn't it a lovely cuddly age?!' and we were both like, 'eh, no'.

I'd say her attachment style is now pretty good, touch wood.

Thanks all. Brilliant to hear your experiences. It is early days and I'm wondering if I am over thinking things and the SW just wants to know how I feel towards our new daughter.

This board is great and has been an invaluable source of information and inspiration over the past few years. Thankyou all.