As 2018 comes to a close I wanted to look back on the things this year has offered to me and how I’ve continued my journey.
I came into the year hopeful. I celebrated my 1st valentines and 1st anniversary with my partner in February. I eventually got my letter from my son after much chasing as social worker had changed and other issues but I was thrilled to hear how well he is doing and what’s been going on for them.
I moved home and now only share with one trustworthy flatmate, and we revamped the garden. I then was made project lead at work for a borough wide project with a tight deadline that we managed to meet against the odds!
I celebrated a milestone birthday with a few select people around me. I remembered with pride my parents and marked the anniversaries of their passing and their birth. I contacted the hospital at which I miscarried my first- who I’ve always believed was a girl (she does have a name) and found where her ashes are located. I laid my daughter to rest and finally managed to find some closure in receiving a scan photo of her- a copy of which is in my
Sons memory box should he wish to see in years to come.
I remembered the closest person I had to a brother, I’ve spent many a moment at his resting place and Have resolved to maintain his grave as it currently needs a number of things doing.
I’ve spent Christmas with loved ones. I’ve watched my flatmates little girl continue to grow into an independent and feisty toddler.
I got my second letter of the year and we are still discussing how contact will work moving forwards and how often this will be. I’ve viewed the photos of my son- he poses like me! 
I’ve started the process to enrol to do a course at college of a night in September to Better my career.
We also said goodbye to my flatmates dog- she went to the rainbow bridge at the beginning of the year. There was many issues with my old flat and the people living there resulting in major stress which affected my epilepsy enormously and me being scared to be at home.
I’ve had ups and downs within my relationship but we have been able to work through these, my partner has been super supportive throughout the issues with contact, reassuring me and being my sounding board.
I’ve cried a plenty but I’ve also smiled too. Life has felt tough at times and still does. I continue my path to making a life for myself that my son can one day be proud of.
Losing you miracle broke mummy into pieces and broke her heart. I will never stop missing you, but losing you wasn’t in vain. One day I hope you will be able to see that your birth mum is strong, tough and resilient BECAUSE of you.
You are the reason I am where I am today, my reason for breathing, my everything.