Ethicity

[Cassie9]

I dont know my sons ethicity. He was placed with us a newborn and we knew there was a question mark over his ethnicity. (All mixed race babies are born white the pigmentation develops as they gets older.) Opinions vary some say he doesn't look white some say he does.
I've just found out you can get dna tests for ethnicity. Shall I do one?
By doing one I'd have more information for him. If he is mixed race is it wrong to not acknowledge it?
Or by doing it am I turning race into an issue when it makes no difference to our family?
Or do I leave the decision to him when he gets older? If he ever asks we could tell him there is a test he could have if he likes.

Sorry I realise I've spelt ethnicity wrong 😂

"All mixed race babies are born white the pigmentation develops as they gets older"- wtaf?

"Ethnicity" tests are pretty rubbish, tbh.

Was the potential for this to be an inter-racial adoption not explored in depth by social workers?

I've just found out you can get dna tests for ethnicity. Shall I do one?

They are drivel. Ethnicity is a social construct, it does not have a basis in reality. Very, very few genes are geographically dependent.

A full genome work up, run against every database available, couldn't say much more than (for example) 'your ancestors were probably mostly european'. Commercial kits only test mitochondrial DNA against very limited commercial databases- their conclusions about specific countries are lies (which is stated in their Ts and Cs).

FWIW if it were me I'd have the view that my kid is my kid and that's it. If there is a way of finding out more about your child's history through contact then it might be worth a little effort, but I certainly wouldn't give it too much headspace.

Sorry I probably shouldn't have said all mixed race babies but it's certainly common.
It was all abit rushed as it was a foster to adopt. I was told he could be half Asian. One man agreed to a DNA test if that came back positive he would be white. If it came back negative he would likely be mixed. It came back negative but then birth mother's story changed.
We assumed in time we'd be able tell. It's never really been an issue. Then we were speaking on an adoption training course and my social worker said he was mixed race and I interrupted and said but we dont really know.
Are you saying they aren't very accurate? If they aren't it kinda makes the question pointless.

They're not just "not very accurate", they're twaddle.

"Mixed race" babies are certainly not "born white". That's like "all babies are born with blue eyes". White isn't a default. Your baby looks like your baby. If you don't know the background (British, Caribbean, North African, honestly, skin pigment does not tell you background/ethnicity) of BF, then you cannot teach your child about it. Racial features does not equal ethnic background or culture. Be guided by your child.

And don't give your child's DNA to big corporations without their consent based on pseudoscience.

Anyone commenting on the skin colour of your baby, except to competent, is very rude, and you should treat them as Sun. "That's a bit rude, he has a lovely skin tone, I think." is a way to respond. I wouldn't encourage speculation about BF in front of my child by strangers, how rude.

Race, ethnicity and cultural identity - its very complex and they mean very different things.
The word 'Asian' tells you nothing about the father's ethnicity - Asian could mean Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi or a whole list of other countries, it could mean Hindu, Sikh, Muslim, Christian, Buddist or several other religions.
I'm assuming your son has a darker skin tone which suggests he is not 'white'. But he could have exactly the same parentage and be 'white'. Perhaps the father is from a Mediterranean country where people have darker skin tones - they are still 'white'.
My son is dual heritage, he has Afro hair and is perceived as 'black'. But you can't identify from that whether he is African or Caribbean, whuch are culturally different, His full sibling has curly, but not Afro hair, and more European features - he could be perceived to have Meditteranian parentage.
So it would actually raise more questions than it answers.
I would be more concerened about why it appears to be such a topic of conversation - whose are these opinions?
Sadly for many adopted children there are going to be chunks of family history and background which will remain a mystery to them.

I am a transracial adoptive mum and had to have some training about these issues. We all want to believe that being part of our family is enough, however read any account of adult transracial adoptees and they all say that it worked against them if their families did not acknowledge their heritage. It's very likely that your child will want to explore that half of him at some point - although it may not come until adulthood.

I share the reservations about uploading potentially sensitive data to the DNA databases, however plenty of people do it. You may find gold, it may just open up a whole can of worms eg other birth family members with whom you were not ready for contact with . Identifying ethnicity is only as accurate as the number of people of that ethnic group already in the database (as far as I understand). I know people who have done it for their child and got answers like "half Caribbean" which is obviously still very vague but at least they have an idea.

If your child does not resemble you then the world is full of the "is he yours brigade?" and no matter how rude it is, we have to learn to deal with them because we can't stop them. This will also go for your child at school. So might as well talk about it when he is old enough and prepare him for any questions.

The learning from interracial adoptions has been overwhelmingly in favour of honesty and just keeping talking about it. I can't tell you whether to do a DNA test or not (I am curious to do one too but have reservations). Some parents wait until the children are old enough to agree (although then you have to manage their feelings regarding the results).

Like everything in adoption, there is no easy answer. However ignoring any side of his heritage that you don't share won't be the answer.

These are just my thoughts, I hope it helps.

Good luck!

There seems to be unwelcome speculation on your child’s ethnicity, close the conversation with adults down as they are being disrespectful. I would not carry out any dna testing unless your child specifically requests this and understands the limitations and implications of it (so if they are a sensible teenager/young adult).

I absolutely agree that a child's ethnity/race should not be ignored, but thats not the same as people engaging in speculation. We wouldnt want people speculating about why our children are in care. So why speculate about this. He is the same child whether or nor you have that specific piece of information.

My son's heritage is not in doubt, we have direct contact with dad. However in this situation there is no clarity. It would be equally wrong in my view to lead a child down the wrong path because of incorrect assumptions.

But as a white mum bringing up a black son in the UK, my efforts focus not so much on the specfics of his dad's culture, but on giving my son the confidence and tools to accept himself as a person of colour in a predominantly white society, to be proud of his skin colour and afro hair, to see himself as equal, and the ability to tell any bigots and racists he comes across to bog off ( or similar words!)
The Op could do this for her child without knowing the exact ethnicity.

This is something I think a lot about too. There's a question mark over DD's paternity. If the birth father is who he says he is, then she's technically one eighth Afro-Caribbean. She looks Caucasian, though a little more golden than my tub o'lard complexion.

Our SW (who, incidentally, is a black man) was very keen for us to have some sort of test done so that she has clarity as she's growing up, both from an identify point of view but also because he says that sometimes people who are mixed race can have children who are darker than they themselves are and he doesn't want her to be surprised...

It's very difficult to know what to do.

I don't think there is evidence DNA testing would give clarity, though. It's one of the many uncertainties in adoption. Yes, it can be damaging to ignore an aspect of a child's background. But if there is no information, I think making it up based on some idea "well, they look a bit brown, and the rest says they match some DNA with someone from Ghana, we should teach them to make fufu."

Like most things in adoption, it's messy, uncertain, and we can only do our best with the information we have.

Mother of a transracially adopted teenager. I didn't (and wouldn;t) do a DNA test until DS asked for one last year.

It has been helpful to him it pretty much confirmed what we suspected and we don't treat it as any more than a guide to what regions his ancestors are likely to have come from.

They aren't actually nonsense (I don't think) but all they do is look at reference families who have lived in particular areas for a set number of generations and say how much of your DNA conforms to these reference families.

I wouldn't do a commercial DNA on a child until they are old enough to understand and give consent (or even ask for it)