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Original poster

Meeting adopters next month

29 replies

darkriver198868 · 13/12/2018 21:59

I finally have a date set for meeting the adopters. I am nervous (of course)

Is there any thing I can do to prepare myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
darkriver198868 · 13/12/2018 22:10

I am planning on putting some videos I have of my girls when they were younger on a memory stick. Do you think the adopters would like this?

OP posts:
Ooplesandbanoonoos · 13/12/2018 22:27

I think they would love it as would your girls
Good luck.

donquixotedelamancha · 13/12/2018 22:34

So pleased for you, Dark. I was terrified, but got a lot from it. It's not as hard as you imagine.

Do you think the adopters would like this? They will love that.

Original poster
darkriver198868 · 13/12/2018 22:35

Can I request not to discuss my mental health. They know I am in therapy as I mentioned that in my response to the settling letter but, to be honest I would rather not discuss it further.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 13/12/2018 22:48

Can I request not to discuss my mental health.

Of course. Your SW should discuss the content of the meeting before hand and pass this on to their SW. They will have some idea of anything that pertains to your child (e.g. specific inherited risk), but will not know any personal details and nor would the SW share anything like that in the meeting.

EightWellies · 14/12/2018 05:28

That is brilliant news and I'm sure they will love the videos. What a great idea. They will be nervous too. If I were them, I'd value hearing a bit about your childhood, what you enjoyed as a child, where your wider family comes from. Any stories at all from when the girls were younger would be totally treasured and passed on, I'm sure. Best of luck. It's a very strong and loving thing that you're doing.

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2018 11:24

"I am planning on putting some videos I have of my girls when they were younger on a memory stick. Do you think the adopters would like this?"

Speaking as an adopter, YES, 1,000 000 %.

They will be so pleased.

Italiangreyhound · 14/12/2018 11:25

Yes, you can request not to discuss any items you would rather not.

I'd want to ask about the early years of your life, your interested, the early experiences of your dds.

Original poster
darkriver198868 · 14/12/2018 12:16

Unfortunately my childhood was horrific and the reason I am not able to parent my children. It would have been in the report already would it not?

OP posts:
EightWellies · 14/12/2018 12:25

They will have the cold, hard facts and I'm sorry to hear that, but what I meant was things that are harder to capture - a subject you liked at school, that you liked the swings best at the park - anything human really that will help your children see you as a real person in the future, not just words on a page.

Ted27 · 14/12/2018 12:55

I think they will love the videos.

I don't think your current mental health is a matter for discussion with them. My son's dad has mental health issues. It would be nice to know, for my son's sake, and as one human being to another, that he is getting support, but the details of what and why are really none of my business.

Hope the meeting goes well

LaLaLands · 14/12/2018 15:34

How very brave. We met our children’s birth parents and we had and still have so much admiration. They printed and gave us photos Of the children and their birth family members and wanted to give more if the cost wasn’t prohibitive. They hope to give more on a memory stick in time.

We and the birth parents submitted questions to each other via the Social workers and we didn’t go off topic except where they mentioned a particular author of books they liked to read which my husband also likes so that was nice. We had someone taking notes so we can tell our children the detail one day. They also had a photo taken with us.

It was emotional and I am so glad we were able to do it. I hope it goes well for you.

Spoilingthem · 20/12/2018 21:53

@darkriver198868 you sound amaxing Flowers

GG2233 · 15/01/2019 01:39

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Ted27 · 17/01/2019 16:52

@darkriver198868

how did the meeting go?

darkriver19886 · 18/01/2019 14:00

It was today. It was really positive. They seems like nice people.

DeegeeDee · 18/01/2019 14:52

Glad to hear that x

Ted27 · 18/01/2019 17:05

good to hear that, I hope its helpful knowing who your girls are with.

Be kind to yourself this weekend, its a very emotionsl thing to do

donquixotedelamancha · 19/01/2019 14:52

Really pleased it was a good experience. Well done for going through with it- I can only imagine how hard it must be for a BP.

Kewcumber · 19/01/2019 16:44

So glad to hear it went well, I have been thinking of you

Kewcumber · 19/01/2019 16:44

And be kind to yourself - I bet you are exhausted

darkriver19886 · 19/01/2019 21:37

This will probably sound terrible but, I don't feel any negativity. I think all of my friends is waiting for me to have some kind of meltdown. I am sure it will come down the line though.

Kewcumber · 20/01/2019 18:26

I don't think it's terrible. In your position, my overwhelming feeling would be one of relief that it went OK!

LadyPenelope68 · 20/01/2019 20:14

So glad it went well for you, take some time for yourself to process it all x

OurChristmasMiracle · 21/01/2019 20:48

darkriver like you I felt no negativity and it actually gave me the piece of mind that my son was loved and looked after, and meant I didn’t feel the need to contest the adoption. It was emotional but actually very healing.

I’m glad today went well for you Flowers