What could go wrong?

[HopefullyThree]

Hi,

We have been linked with a 3 year child and matching panel is all booked for the new year.

We meet foster carer and medical advisor soon too.

I am worried something will go wrong. What could go wrong now before panel?

Child has no health issues disclosed to us. Could something still crop up even this close to panel?

Well it could but unlikely by the sounds of it. But it is natural to fear it all being taken away as you have been through so much to get to this point.
There is nothing wrong with holding back imo ( a little bit at least ) until panel is done and dusted and then you can let rip completely.
I was the same and it all went through ok at panel which was a massive relief.
But anyway hope all goes well and that your little one is home v soon. It is v exciting !

Thank you flapjackfairy. So worried they will change their mind or we won't pass matching panel. Seems like so long to wait too.

Well I understand the wait is v hard ! And Christmas is not helping but hopefully this time next year you will be on here getting excited about your first Christmas as a family. And just think how fast a year flies by so your panel date will be here before you can blink.
If you can please update if you can.
I will be looking out for good news !

I found the waiting period one of the hardest times in the adoption process and completely get why you are worried.

The only thing I feel helped me to think was - if I worry about this will it change anything? The answer is no... if I get excited about this will it change anything? The answer I felt was no. I would have been devastated if our match had fallen through whether I had gotten excited or not - so I chose to let myself get excited...! We kept receipts, and some things have gone back as they were unnecessary and irrelevant purchases - so I would advise this anyway!

It’s so difficult to not stress - but it’s very unlikely anything will go wrong now. Of course it’s not set in stone until the ADM approves the decision at matching panel, but it’s highly unlikely it will throw up any problems the social workers haven’t already got solutions for.

Good luck - I know this is a very difficult time. But go out for dinner, sleep in till 12, go to bed at 12, see all your friends at reasonable times. Good luck!

Thank you moomooboo! Fingers crossed!

Bear in mind that there is likely to be something in the medical report when you get it. Ours had a couple of minor things that hadn't been disclosed as they were small and we were surprised by it as they hadn't been mentioned before. Bearing in mind what your child has been through I guess it's unlikely there would be a perfect medical history (and indeed any three year old)! It's unlikely that anything major hasn't been disclosed to you. Good Luck OP! We are pretty much on a similar timescale to you - matching panel in January!

When you meet FC or medical you might discover you have been 'mis-sold' the DC and they have issues not previously disclosed.

A family member might appear out of the blue saying they didn't realise LO was in care, and please can they be considered.

The SW might suddenly realise you live in the street next to the birth dad.

All unlikely. (But you did ask). Best wishes.

Thanks Underthenameofsanders.

This is all what I'm worried about. It's best to be realistic!

I think they are all highly unlikely 2 weeks before panel.
Try not to worry.

When you meet FC and medical you focus needs to be first and foremost on any showstoppers. e.g. if you have said no to mental health issues and the medical person says 'oh BD is bipolar'.
Mainly try to get an understanding of day to day with the FC, so e.g. level of self care / development, frequency of tantrums, whether they are inquisitive or passive, that kind of thing.

Our DD2 was 2.5 and behind (one of our criteria was mainstream school). But we saw a video (yes that long ago) of her interacting with FC and DD1 and it was clear she was following and reacting. Now 14, and finds school hard, has some SpLD, but doing OK.