Beginning our journey- any advice for a newbie?

[codenameduchess]

Hi everyone,

I've had a brief scroll through posts here but wanted to say hello.
Me and DH have discussed expanding our family and have decided adoption is the route we want to take. I've discussed the process briefly with a friend who has adopted DCs so I'm going in blind.

We have a 3yo already and are sure we can offer another child a loving home. I don't mean for this to sound like it hasn't been thought through - believe me it has and is not a light decision.

Any advice for someone beginning?

Hi @codenamedutchess just to say hi! I'm a newbie too and sounds like were in a similar position, my little boy is 2.5 and after a loe while discussing adoption have just got started. So far I'd say these threads and the adoption uk boards are really useful to browse, I've learnt so much from others about selecting an agency/LA and what to expect in stage 1 and 2. Good luck with your next steps! x

Thanks @Lollipop86 !
I've spent the day researching while DD is at her grandmas house. There appears to be only a few agencies around us, and I'm planning on asking friends who have adopted already about how they found them and hopefully taking that first step soon.
I'm excited and a little scared but just want to get things moving now.

My biggest concern is the 3rd bedroom is a bit small, big enough but noticeably smaller than the others and relatively small support network.

Hi!
Adoptive Mummy to Magpie aged 6 years. He came to live with us aged 10 months.
Happy to help with any questions.
I'd say as a basis read - Dan Hughes The Whole Brain Child, Sarah Naish - Therapeutic Parenting in a Nutshell. These books I wish I had been given at the start of our journey.
If you arent on twitter get on there and follow fellow adopters. Look at blogs by adopters. Truly the best support you will find is those of us that have been through it.

Thank you @MummyBrie I'll grab those books and get myself back to Twitter!

Grateful for any advice at this stage, it's such an emotional process I want us to go in as prepared as possible. It's a new idea within my extended family so I'd also like to give them plenty of info when we tell them to help them understand it all.

If you head to twitter come find me - @colour_adoption :-)
It really is a wealth of knowledge over there.

My advice (12 years in):

1 - develop a thick skin, you'll be amazed at what people will say to you
2 - try not to think too far ahead, tackel each hurdle as it comes and focus 100% on that
3 - try not to worry too much about the things you can't influence. The things you are worried about won't happen and a whole bunch of things you never expected will crop up instead and you'll have wasted your energy worrying about something that never happened.
4 - try to live in the moment and appreciate whatever you have got at each moment. So you won't look back and wish you'd focused on enjoying it more.

My blog is not about adoption per se but it does cover our journey and have some intermittent adoption related stuff.

surelyitshouldntbethatcomplicated.com/2006/08/30/welcome-to-my-journey-to-motherhood-by-way-of-kazakhstan/?preview_id=154&preview_nonce=6e3b393348&preview=true

I second what @Kewkumber says - don't look too far ahead.

Our first Social Worker told us "not to put our life on hold" which is good advice.

It will probably be slow - having a birth child already tends to slow things a bit - but after a few months the terminology will be easier to understand, and it won't seem such a random adventure to be embarking upon :)

Hello! I started the process and am stuck in Stage 1 (purely because references keep getting lost in the post, it's driving me up the wall!).

My advice for the adoption process is to expect it to take a loooonnnnnnnnggggg time. The reality is that it may not (it may fly by!) but it could also take months and months - lots of other prospective adopters I know have been in Stage 1 for up to six months. So with this in mind, pace yourself with your reading and learning and preparations. I read up on everything I could at the start of the process but actually, I'll need to read it all again next year because I will have forgotten a lot of it!

My friends and family have been amazing since I told them I'm trying to do this. There are several books on Amazon, and I shared some adoption documentaries with them too. The LA / VA you go with may also do a friends and family education course for your support network to help explain everything and the basics of therapeutic parenting. x

@codenameduchess such an exciting time!! My partner and I have just been through the process. We had been thinking about it for years but it never seemed the right time. Then we realised there would never be a perfect time. So we started looking through al the agencies local to us, were North east so had a fair few to pick from. We both sat down and looked at websites and requested information from a few then had decided we would sit down together and talk through the options, it turned out we actually had both decided on the same one. We made our first call to them towards the end of May this year.

The time has flew by since then and our LO comes home tomorrow (sorry I know people hate that terminology but it feels right for us) which we can't wait for!! It's been a hard few months, with ups and downs but so worth it to see his little face.

If you have any questions or want any advise just get in touch!! Good luck!!