Is there an age where it's 'easier' for the adopted children?

[OpiningGambit]

I'm interested in adopting, and I was talking to a friend who was adopted at the age of 6. Her background was neglect due to birth-mum's drug addiction, and she was removed from her at about 3. She's very well adjusted, great relationships with her adopted parents and siblings. She said she thought it was easier for her and she had fewer problems because she was 'older' and able to understand what was happening.

It made me wonder, especially as when I think about adoption I think of 'older' children. I know obviously that all the children are different and their backgrounds and the way it affects them are different. But I wondered if there was any literature, or just informed opinions, about if there is an age where adoption is 'easier' for the child.

NB 'easier' in quotes for a reason, I'm not suggesting there's a magic age! It just made me curious.

personally no I don't think so. There are too many variables. Not just the child's individual history but the quality of things like preparation, how intros are managed, how FCs deal with intros, quality of SW, and to be honest how well prepared the adoptive parents are for the reality of adoption.

My son was nearly 8, now 14. Its worked out well for us. On paper it shouldn't have been so 'easy' (easy being a relative word) but he has shown himself to be one tough cookie, his personality has carried him through, plus we have had amazing support from school and people like scouts, not to mention total acceptance and great support by family and friends. Not everyone gets all that - and it does smooth the path

Far far far too many variables. My limited understanding of child psychology is what matters the most is how well they were parented for the first 12-18 months of their lives.

Foster to adopt/concurrency in theory should be the "easiest" if baby removed at birth and straight to the eventual adoptive parents. However babies removed at birth are likely drug addicts or have a high risk of foetal alcohol syndrome....

So it just seems to be a gamble, although having a bio child is a gamble too!

So it just seems to be a gamble, although having a bio child is a gamble too!

This^.

I think 'easier' for the child is the wrong way to look at it. All children have challenges and adoption itself is a small part of raising a child. The biggest potential impact is not the adoption itself (and issues like contact and identity) but the way that life prior to adoption has skewed the distribution curve of risks and challenges for adopted children, when compared to the average.

Adopting a baby means much less risk of attachment difficulties and much more time with them, influencing their upbringing. What data there is does show that this gives the best outcomes.

OTOH a baby is nothing but uncertainty. You don't fully know the effects of what happened before birth or before removal. An older child is more of a known quantity, but (on average) they will have experienced more neglect/abuse/trauma and may have spent much longer in care.

As Ted says, there are too many variables to make generalisations. Adopted kids are just kids, but you need to understand that the risk of a very challenging time is always there with adoption.

My kids cane to me last year at 3yr 3months old. Im not going to lie to you but it's been very hard. Not going into details of why they were in care but I think the younger the better. Newborn to about 1 yr old.
They are only just adapting now. If I did it again I wouldn't go for an older child.

I think statistically that adoption under 2 causes the fewest problems in the long term. But the problem with statistics is that you get your child and they either have a specific issue (say attachment disorder) or they don't! You don't get a statistically averaged child. Thats why it's so important to aim for what works for you as much as possible.

DS was adopted aged 1 and still has executive processing disorder which has at times causes significant problems particularly at school. I however had long bonded with him before I had to deal with them so I suppose in that way it was "easier" for us both.

Sorry I'm not sure thats very helpful!

Thank you!

I know a few people have said that their experience wasn't very helpful, but I found it all helpful and interesting!

I doubt it will change my mind in terms of age group, though!