Any single adopters living at home with parent or parents?

[Emmaone]

Hi

Is there anyone on here that has adopted that lives at home with either one parent or both? I live with my mum and just wanted to see if you can offer some advice? And any issues you faced because you lived at home with parents? Thanks

Hi I'm a single adopter, I think I know of only one single adopter who lived with a parent, and a few couples who had parents in annexes.

Your mum would have to be assessed alongside you - is she prepared for that. I would think SWs would be interested in why you are living with a parent - things like financial independence, who owns your home, stability of your relationship.
You need to bear in mind that parenting an adoptive child is very different to a birth child, what if your mum doesnt agree with the parenting methods you may need to use? Will she leave you to get on with it or interfere?
My mum is great, on the whole she gets it, she butts out and leaves me to it for the most part. She was in her late 60s when my son came home, she is 74 now. I don't think she could cope with a lively child 24/7. What do you think your mum could cope with, particularly given that your child will probably have some level of additional needs.

Hi Ted27. Thanks for the advice that's good stuff! Yes my mum is totally on board and we both realise it's a massive process to go through but we are both very committed. I've noted the things you have said and will take that into account. x

I'm a single adopter living alone but with my mum a few minutes' walk away round the corner. She was assessed almost as much as I was, which helped establish the very clear boundaries: she could support me, so I could parent my child. As PP said, there is a huge intensity about early weeks/months - no sleep, lots of screaming/distress etc - and you need to be solid that your therapeutic parenting style is the supported approach. Also worth bearing in mind that the child will most likely need to focus on bonding with one person at a time, so needs lots of reinforcement and time with you as primary caregiver. It could be a long time before they're able to form another bond with their new grandparent and that can feel quite rejecting and lonely for the grandparent. Last thing - if you have any caring responsibilities for your parent, make a plan for who will cover these.

Having a supportive other adult is amazing, and can be a wonderful consistent other presence in a child's life. But it will be potentially harder to manage at first, and lots of "eyes wide open" planning will help you explain it to your assessing SW

Thanks for the advice very much appreciated 😊 I have taken on board all the things that will help my child to adapt to their new surroundings and new family. My mum and I have the same outlook about bringing up a child which is good so consistency is key! Xx

You do need to remember though that you may need to 'adjust' your thinking on child rearing.
I am not the mum I thought I would be or wanted to be. My son needed something different, as do most adoptive children

Yes I know it's a very different parenting skill but what I mean is we have been learning together 😊 so we are on the same wavelength which will help massively. X

Hi
I’m new to the forums but I had my initial home visit today and it went brilliant! I live at home with my mum, and my SW said it was an amazing support to be a single adopter with such a close relationship with my mum who will be there to support me the whole way. She said it was also great for when I return to work, and my mum will be there to care for the child. Xx

I know of a single adopter who lives at home with both parents. She has adopted a sibling group. From what I can tell it has been a huge success. Good luck!

Hi pinkgirl77

Your sw sounds lovely I thought my process was going well until the assessor came to do home study then it went downhill from there! ☹️ where are you based? And how old is your mum and you if you don't mind me asking? X

Thanks Toppertaylor. I hope things work out too!! 🤞🤞 x