Books explaining adoption for young children

[starryeyedsnowgirl]

I am a long term mumsnetter, but have no adopted children. My own children are 3 and 5 and our very close friends are in the process of adoption.

I've tried to educate myself to be helpful reading the lovely adoption boards, but my children are close to this couple and I wondered if anyone has any recommendations for books I can get them to explain this. My friends are looking to adopt children who will be similar ages to mine so it's important that my kids don't put their foot in it as they will all be old enough to understand.

Are there any books you would recommend to children this age? Thanks

I really like “And Tango makes three” - about two gay penguins adopting a baby penguin.

Also - The Jungle Book is a good film... or Stuart Little... not very serious but I like them.

I’m not up to date with books for this age so sorry I have no recommendations. But just wanted to say that your children will probably accept this far more easily than any of the adults in your friends lives.

My 12 yo son plays in a sports team , all the parents know each other. Last year I saw this random toddler running around and all the 11 and 12 yo boys chasing her . Asked Ds who she was “ That’s Jane’s [coach] daughter “.

I knew Jane didn’t have kids so like a fool I said “ don’t you mean her Niece, her sister Mary’s DD? “.

“No” said my son rolling his eyes , “she just adopted her”. He didn’t say the word stupid at the end but he implied it.

And that was that . Not one child in the team batted an eyelid . She was completely accepted from the very first day. The only talk I heard from the parents was “ how lovely “ and everyone bought gifts.

I never heard anyone ask anything about the circumstances . None of these people know that we have adopted children so they weren’t being polite in front of me.

Even though the boys were old enough to ask difficult questions, none of them did. They just enjoy teaching toddler to play their sport.

Most children just accept these things. Yours are too young to even ask much. They will just be pleased to have playmates .

You can just say eg

James and Emma are getting a little girl. Her name is Sophie and she is 3. They will be her mum and dad .

They might ask why they are not growing a baby in her tummy. You can either say that they tried but it didn’t work ( assuming you have friends permission to say that ) or just that they decided that they wanted to be parents to Sophie and not have a tiny baby.

Your 5yo might ask if she has other parents. You can say that she did when she was born / until she was one but they couldn’t look after her. So she went to live with foster carers, who are a bit like an aunt and uncle. They look after you but they are not your mum and dad.

So social workers had to find a new family and James and Emma will now be her mum and dad forever.

Your children will probably be more interested in what Sophie looks like and if she plays football / likes cars than much background detail. Children are very accepting .

Personally I wouldn’t discuss it with your children until your friends have the child/ ren placed . Because your children will want to meet the new child straight away and that’s not going to happen in the first few weeks after they arrive.

Also you will be able to show them a photo of the new parents and child together and photos of the child’s room. That will make it more real for them.

They can also help choose a small toy for “Sophie “. Don’t give clothes, unless Sophie is a baby.

(BTW I’m assuming that your friends are an opposite sex couple adopting one child just for the sake of simplicity , but I know they might be an opposite sex couple adopting siblings )

Ha- thanks for the advice. We have other friends who have adopted too, but their children are older than ours so it hasn't come up.

I'm hoping you are right and they will just accept it, but I have had sooooo many questions recently about where babies come from (I am pregnant) that I know they will ask. I just want to make sure I'm explaining it all well so that they don't ever cause offence to these children. We will likely see them quite often.

You are also right- my friends are looking to adopt an older sibling group, but they have an open mind so I won't mention anything until we know. I will bung the tango story book into general circulation to plant a seed now though I think.

Thanks

I like 'I wished for you' by Marianne R Richmond. We were bought it (twice) when we adopted. It's more aimed at adopted children, but it's lovely.

Mama," said Barley. "Tell me again how I'm your wish come true."Thus begins this beautiful story for adoptive families. I Wished for You: An Adoption Story follows a conversation between a little bear named Barley and his Mama as they curl up in their favorite cuddle spot and talk about how they became a family. ...

We read Little Stork's New Home to our neices to help explain our adoption and they totally got it, half way through the book little one said "auntie Charlie Says that's just like you and Uncle Charlie Says". We read it to our LOs now and they love it too.

Thanks everyone! I have a few books to add to the stash at Christmas so will add these in too. Hopefully by the time it all happens they will be used to the concept.

These are my favourites! Love that you are being o supportive of your friends by educating yourself and your kids! What an awesome Momma you are!!!! 😊💜

Thanks for the suggestions @MommaB26 ! How kind of you to say- I wouldn't go that far, but we spend lots of time with these couple and our children will see these children more than their own cousins so it's important we get it right. Thanks!

Well I think you are!!!!. I have recently adopted and used these to explain to my 5 year old nephew. I also bought him a little dinosaur teddy that was called adopt a Dino. He loved it and carried it around for weeks. He now loves my lo so so much!!!