Last minute nerves!!!

[Wantingtobeparents]

First post on here.
My partner and I will have 2 young children placed with us soon (both under 5). I will be taking the adoption leave off work.
I am excited as we have always wanted children but can't also help feeling very nervous and apprehensive....are we doing the right thing/will we cope!!

Did anyone else on here also have these feelings?

I'd be more worried about someone who wasn't nervous! I suspect everyone has roughly the same feelings at your point in the process - it's terrifying. It will be ok, you'll be grand and...congratulations! 😁

Congratulations ! You are perfectly normal.

Don't place too many expectations on yourself or the children. The first weeks and months can be very tough, it all takes time but you get there in the end

It’s completely normal!
I agree with what Ted27 says and don’t place too much pressure on yourself for the first few months!

Your whole life changes and it’s terrifying but amazing at the same time!

One year ago we were in exactly the same position as you. It's been a hell of a year but we came through it. I would also say reduce your expectations (including of whether you actually like them sometimes, and whether they seem to like you), give each other regular breaks (out of the house, preferably with a friend who you can rant at), and get the foster carer to write a list of whose toys are whose (they'll squabble over them anyway but atleast you can then referee with confidence).
Reading these boards helped me a lot.

Congratulations OP

We are in exactly the same place as you, on the cusp of bringing two home. What a silly idea - we are very excited!! Hope all goes well, when are intros?

We are too - 8 days for formal intros to begin with our twin boys and the fright has set in!!!

Absolutely totally normal! Congratulations x

Thanks everyone for your replies!
Congratulations dashofmagic and DoolinW!
Intros start in about 2 weeks!

I am planning to have 12 months leave from work and obviously know that the children's life are going to completely change. I will also feel strange not having my routine of going to work!

The children’s lives are going to change, but so is yours - don’t underestimate the impact on you particularly if you’re taking adoption leave. Things like not being able to plan your own time, needing to know the children have someone to look after them if you need to go to the doctors or dentist, not having an out of home routine, and having two little people who absolutely need you - and who may need different things from you at the same time - is all very hard going.

I’m only now really accepting that I’m a very different person with different needs, interests and priorities than before my kids arrived over a year ago. Yes, focus on how much things have changed for the kids, but don’t forget things have changed massively for you too and you too need time and space to make that adjustment.

When our LO came home, for the first 2 weeks I was in a mad panic, worried I had made the wrong decision, wasn't sure I could carry on with the placement, didn't bond at all and thought my life was over. This was in April.
My husband and friends were super supportive, this forum helped me too, and now I have the most amazing son who I love dearly and would die for. Yes it's not easy, but seeing him change every day, do new things and become the little person he is, it's so rewarding.

What I learnt is that the panic is a natural thing, even with my friends who have birth children. YOU are normal. WE are normal. It's okay to have these thoughts, just don't bottle it up and please talk about it. You'll then find you're not the only one, which makes you feel so much better!

Totally normal.

Prepare to be exhausted.

Christmas This is jumping ahead. Feel free to ignore now but come back to later:

Given they are moving in in December you may want to plan ahead re Christmas.

I would personally go for low key to see how they and you cope. Set expectations low. Low value presents, but more of them, is maybe a better bet than one 'wow' present, as if you get it wrong with a 'wow' you'll feel bad, but you never know what little present will be a hit.

If eldest is old enough to remember Christmas last year (in FC?) you might need to do setting expectations of how it is in your house. e.g. Who brings the presents - Santa or you? All in one go, or leisurely pace. etc.

A nice routine will help you cope with not working.
e.g. Out of the house every day for playgroup / walk / whatever.
Quiet time after lunch.
Story time, craft etc.

I mentally divided the day into 2 hr slots I think
9-11, 11-1, 1-3, 3-5, 5-7 and sort of 'planned' something for each bit (so even if planned changed I knew I had some ideas).

Thank you. I am quite conscious of the impact on myself, with not going to work...Its not forever though so just need to remember that and the time will fly.
The 2 hour slots is a good idea and trying to have some sort of plan, although know this will change at any time!
I will keep you all posted and good luck to everyone in this process xx

Once the eldest is at school / nursery you get immediate structure with the school run which helps also with the younger one (at least that's what I found).

We started doing playgroups almost immediately (which may not be recommended these days, but it helped me get to know other parents). I tried 3 before finding the one that I liked best (one was unfriendly, one just had childminders, 3rd was fantastic).

Also swimming - good fun, great for motor skills, takes up loads of time, and tires them out.

I also had a mental rule of no TV in the mornings, but often did TV in the afternoon between nap and school pick up.

Enjoy - they don't stay young for long.