First SW meeting at home?

[SilverHairedCat]

So we're having our first SW home meeting in a few weeks. I'm under the impression it's a 3hr "chat", with lots of form filling, note taking etc. Talking through details of us, checking out the house, getting reference details, meeting our animals, arranging a reference for the dog, finding out about our employment etc.

A friend of DH who paused the process after going to panel last year says they will literally measure the gap in the stair banisters, expect us to have the house baby proofed with electrical socket covers, alcohol cabinets locked, under the sink locked, knives inaccessible, a fire extinguisher in the kitchen, that we might have to rip the garden decking up because it has steps in it (I doubt this one) and a host of other things he can't remember now.

Is that true?

We don't even know what age of child(ren) we want to look to adopt yet and have been put down for ages 0-7, so it seems too much at this stage for some ages, let alone too premature given we aren't even on the pathway yet.

Can anyone advise? He's panicking.

It can and will get quite in depth but no, that level of detail is not going to be expected at this early stage, begore you go to panel. By that stage they might work with you on any health and safety issues.

I'm trying to figure out where you are in the process- have you had your 3 day training, and signed up? Have they checked references and Now on to stage 2?

Congratulations on taking the first step! I'm still in Stage 1. Every LA is different. Mine did two home visits as part of Stage 1, and yes they measured the gap in between the spindles of the banister (and I need to close them because the gap is bigger than 4 inches).

For my health and safety report myself and the social worker went through the house ticking things off, and marking thing I'd need to do during Stage 2 / before matching, such as baby-proofing, getting a fire blanket, having a fire escape plan (?!?!) etc. My LA doesn't expect these things to have already happened but they want to make sure I am aware of what I need to do to ensure a child is as safe as possible.

This process is so long that there will be plenty of time to do everything they suggest you need to do. Even if you don't think you need to do it, just go with it - get those boxes ticked. Good luck!

Erm, I prepared to be corrected by others on this board but... no! Our first meeting was genuinely a chat - SWs explained the process, asked the “basics” about us (how long we’d been together, jobs, family & friends etc). We discussed our expectations/hopes for adoption (eg did we have any thoughts about number/age etc) and they told us quite a lot about how kids come to be up for adoption and the particular sorts of issues they face. It did take 3 hours but mainly cos SW and I are both v animated and chatty and we all kept going off on tangents. They didn’t look around the house at all (they did ask if we had a spare room obv but they’ve been twice more since and STILL not asked to look round). I loved that first meeting.

I’m not saying the measuring of banisters etc won’t come eventually but my understanding is that that’s in stage 2, and you’re not even in stage 1 yet! Our SWs were at pains to tell us that there’s no “point of no return” - you can always decide it’s not right for you but honestly I think your DH is panicking unnecessarily.

@LemonSqueezy0 Hi, no we have done none of that yet. We're going via SSAFA, so it's literally the first time we'll have met a social worker. The first contact was by phone two weeks or so ago after enquiring earlier in the year. We took some time to consider it, then followed it up in October.

@cookiecrumbles14 thank you! Yes, we'll do absolutely anything they ask of course! I work in H&S so I'm happy to be realistic about all things needed to keep people safe and healthy without question. Believe me when I say I already have a fire escape plan! 😂

I had hoped it was a bit bonkers at this point in the process, but he was so adamant he was right and wouldn't hear any other way! I'll see if I can talk him back down to earth. Or maybe I'll just let him baby proof the house to his hearts content.... 😊❤️

Ps sorry if I’m wrong about stages - it may be different elsewhere but as I say we’d had 3 home visits before we even put our registration of interest form in to progress to stage 1.

@CabbagePatchCheryl I think that is what I'm expecting, and I can certainly talk the hind leg off a donkey... And yes to setting of expectations and so on. That seems sensible at this stage.

Thank you everyone, I appreciate the quick replies!!

Does anyone have any stand out questions they asked or wish they had asked at the beginning?

Make sure you ask about when they can do the meetings, as some people struggle if SW can't do evening or weekend visits. Be honest about what child you (think you) want, and if they think it's reasonable. Ask about time frames for each stage and what they are currently working at... My agency say they aim to get to panel within 6 months but others are currently working at 12 mths + which is a hell of a difference. Find out about post adoption support too, as that's when you'll really need them.

Good luck with it all

Our first meeting was a chat, albeit a long one. Some of it was the social worker talking to us about modern day adoption and the type of children who are waiting for families. The reminder was of talking about our motivation and expectations etc. We have never had any kind of health and safety check on our house - no measuring of banisters or checking of plug sockets. The social worker looked round our house once towards the end of stage one, and that’s it. And in case nobody else has mentioned this, plug sockets should not be covered - despite the fact that Mothercare etc sell these items, they are actually against safety advice.
Good luck!

@SilverHairedCat happy to help - if you ever need any advice feel free to DM me and I'll help as much as I can.

Every LA does things differently. I think mine does ALL the paperwork - including the health & safety stuff - in Stage 1, but reading other people's comments this sounds quite unusual. I quite liked getting it out of the way and knowing what I need to do further down the line.

In terms of the meetings I had with my LA for Stage 1 I had an initial call, an information event, another phone call, a social worker visited my house (2 hours), I was then invited to register my interest, and then my actual social worker visited for the initial home visit of which the health and safety check was a part of it (3 hours). The rest of the visit was going through the forms, seeing the things needed for my checks (DBS, financial, etc) and making copies of them (invest in a scanner!).

In terms of things I asked - I asked about timelines, the types of children they're looking for families for, and all the other questions!

You're all fab, thank you very much!! I've also messaged the SW to clarify, just in case as she's an independent acting for the agency so the routine may be slightly out of kilter with LA processes.

We had an independent social worker contracted by the LA. She was amazing. So professional - good at emailing/texting.
Your friend has wound you up a bit. Yes - your house will need to be kid proof eventually. But not at this stage.

We have approval panel this Thursday. None of our home visits have been three hours, (although perhaps an hour and a half, - it actually flies by,

No banisters, thankfully, - and we have now purchased a fire blanket, and stick on cupboard door locks.

We have also removed all our venetian blinds because of cords.

We still have some work to do, but not feeling a panic about it.

As everything is still new to you, OP, there is perhaps a natural tendency to allow things to mushroom in your head - I know I suffered from that.

When you get nearer to the prospect of actually having a real living child in your house, you will naturally feel a bit more prone to consider all these things. Everything just seems a bit abstract at the start.

Particularly for us, as we already had an 11/yo at the time.

Good luck, OP.

The first meeting will be a chat, they will take quite a lot of information but it shouldn't be as intrusive as your DH's friend has said.
We have an old house, it was built in 1890, so the spindles are 'old'. We had a loft conversion done in stage 2, and those spindles had to have a smaller gap than our original ones due to building regs. Our SW never mentioned the old spindle gap.
Covering electrical sockets is now seen as a bit of a 'no no'. To have something pushed into the 3 holes in a socket makes it 'live', so these aren't allowed. There is a video online about this.
We've had our LO since April, and during the process there was a H&S questionnaire to complete (put locks on kitchen doors, put child gates up etc) this was never followed up and we still don't have them. LO is now just over a year old so we always supervise him anyway, and a lot of the SW's forms are to cover themselves, and also to ask you the question to see if you're 'aware'.

My advice is to not listen to your DH's friend, what they're saying isn't true, and there must be something else going on for them to have paused the process after panel, especially as they've still not picked it up again all this time later?

Also, a lot of LA's are different, so some may do things others won't, it sometimes also comes down to your SW and how much common-sense they have! We were lucky as ours was great!

Try not to panic too much! ☺

I must admit, I just nodded when they talked about socket covers. We had them when DD was little, but things have moved on in the last 10 years - so not really planning to get them again.

Will read up, though, to see if there are safer alternatives.