How would you feel about this?

[OurMiracle1106]

After nearly 5 years of delayed letters and lost drawings, I am at breaking point. Emotionally and mentally I just can’t heel fighting every 6 months to get my letter.

I therefore want to propose something new - the social worker has asked for ideas but wanted to run it by the lovely parents on this board first.

So my proposal is for social services to set both myself and my sons parents up with non identifying email addresses which they can moderate for the sole purpose of exchanging letterbox contact, and on the condition that should emails be multiple/sent outside of letterbox time/ be inappropriate that letterbox would be reviewed and would be removed.

My argument for it is- it cuts out the social worker, I have maintained contact for 5 years always been chasing, nothing I have ever sent has been inappropriate. I am mindful of what i write and how it’s written (in case it’s misinterpreted).

So lovely people would you as parents consider this suggestion if it was put to you?

well yes I would. But will it solve your problem ? Won't it just lead to late emails instead of late letters.

I think its unlikely they will go for it - its public sector with confidential information involved. I can see all sorts of data protection issues.

Personally I think the way letterbox as a whole is organised is outdated and needs a radical overhaul to bring it into the 21st century.

Sorry you are still having difficulty. The other solution which actually involves the SW doing something is for them to visit the family, find out what the issue is and look at reframing the agreement so you at least know where you are.

So lovely people would you as parents consider this suggestion if it was put to you?

In the right circumstances I would. There BF members I'd like to do this with but the problem is other BF members. The parents don't know you and I doubt they'd go for it. More importantly, I'm pretty certain the LA wouldn't.

Won't it just lead to late emails instead of late letters.

It's unclear how much of these delays is the adopters. I suspect not most of them. We sent this years letter at the very end of June, chased it, and got a reply this week. That 3.5 months is mostly the time to send the letter from us and pass on the reply back.

Still, personally I would consider a change in the agency handling contact over what you propose miracle.

I’m so sorry to hear this OurMiracle. I know that this has gone on for years, no wonder you are at breaking point.

To answer your question, personally I would have had no problem with that.

But your solution assumes that the adoptive parents are sending the letters and the problem is the SW. Is that the case ?

If so, why don’t you and the adopters just correspond directly through hotmail email addresses ?

Yes, I would.

Xxxxx

As far as I know the adopters are happy to send the letters. My old SW would email them when I emailed him to remind them and I would then get an email back to say it will be sent in next couple of weeks it would then take forever for LA to get it to me.

However to be honest the new social worker seems pretty useless if I’m honest, I don’t think she’s even emailed to remind my sons parents yet- and I understand life gets busy etc and things get forgotten about.

I’m just feeling completely lost as to what to do. Clearly letterbox is not currently working.

If all is as it's been reported to you, I wonder about something like a shared Dropbox account, if that has enough data security? You, the AF and the SW could all upload and access docs in there?

My other thought, though, it's possible the SW is deliberately allowing themselves to look "clueless" in order to protect the confidentiality of the adopters if they're having some life difficulties? As the professional in this situation, and the only one not personally involved, maybe the SW is being the apparently obstructive "gatekeeper" for a reason? Perhaps not, I do know letterbox seems to be slow and frustrating just about everywhere for every family sadly, but just a thought that there may be other complications.

Our letterbox coordinator seems to change almost monthly and it takes weeks of persistence to get them to acknowledge anything. One of the good ones (sadly long gone) once told me their process was: receive letter from adopters, get it checked by team, write to BPs to check the address is current, wait for response from BPs, send letterbox out recorded delivery when they get proof from BPs the address is right. As you can imagine, they end up sitting on most of the letters. I was too tired to ask what else they did if they didn't get address confirmation - I guess if the BPs have moved and/or no longer have a SW, there's a limit to how else they could legally track them down.

I know you've always updated your details and been proactive about staying in touch, so it must feel especially frustrating for you.

Our letter box department is really very slow. So you're is not unique we have a question and no one has addressed it despite asking a lot. In the end we are just going ahead as usual.

It's frustrating but must be 100 times more for you OurMiracle1106.

Hi,

I wanted to give you my views as someone about to have a child placed with my partner and I.

First of all I can’t even imagine how it must feel to be chasing all the time. From speaking to other people who adopt I think the letterbox process really differs between authorities. Also how it’s positioned to prospective adopters. When we first went into this process I was very much going to go along with saying I would write letters then I would stop once my little one came home.

This all changed after the session on letterbox context was carried out. I saw it from the perspective of my little one and the birth parents.

When it comes to an email system, if they were completely anonymous then I would see no problem with this. My only concern would be how private this system really is. I’ve been really worried about safety and being able to remain anonymous in this whole process, to the point of changing our cars for more run of the mill vehicles.

I think this would be a concern for many ap as IP addresses and the like can easily be tracked.

Hope you get sorted though.

Considering it actually took me chasing for my first ever contact to actually get it implemented I have no doubt that social services are at least in part at fault and slow it down.

With regards to checking my address- first of all before letterbox is due I email social worker to confirm my current details so they already know and secondly I actually go into the office to collect it at any rate so they only really need a valid email address/or phone number to contact me on and let me know.

I had hoped by always emailing it would 1- remind social worker it was due. And 2- speed up the receiving of my letter as they wouldn’t need to check contact details.

I also highly doubt that 5 years of chasing is down to my sons parents solely. There letters are dated and mostly are either before or when contact is due so I have no reason to doubt that they have sent them. I’ve also had first hand experience of social worker losing drawings and having to ask for new ones!

I guess changing agency would highlight whether it is just the LA or something else.

I think I’ve made the decision to make a formal complaint. Having looked at the cover letter to my last contact I’ve noticed it’s my name and address at the top but then opens dear (not my name)

Case ref xxxxxx (not sure if that’s my ref or there’s) so in addition to calling me incorrectly in emails (with the same incorrect name) twice. I also have a letter that’s incorrect. So I want to raise that with them- I’m also going to state that as letterbox currently is it’s not working.

Also you may find that like me the child birth parents don’t actually have a social worker. The point of contact for myself is our child’s social worker.

I think unless you already have a contact with the adoptive family its really unlikely to happen

I can't see that SWs would set it up for one family. It would have to be a secure system, probably encrypted, not something they could do for an individual.