Single, with a poorly paid job

[parklives]

So, that's me.
I actually get paid ok at the moment, but my job involves a lot of overnight travel, so I would have to try and find a different local job which is very likely to be low paid & part-time.
I would love to adopt a child, I never wanted my own birth children, but always imagined I would adopt one day.
I do own my own house (mortgaged) which is in a nice area etc. But I worry that I won't have any money to give an adopted child things like foreign holidays, university fees, expensive ballet lessons etc. I know not every child gets all these things, and I myself came from a family which struggled with money, but all my adult life I've been relatively comfortable.
Would that count against me when applying for adoption? I have thought about fostering, but I love to work outside the home, so that wouldn't work for me, plus I would like to have my own child forever and then to be 'my' child.
Anyone know?

Hello, I'm a single prospective adopter too. You'd need to show you'd be able to take a year's maternity leave as part of the process from a financial perspective (to bond with the child who'd have attachment issues) and then you'd need to prove you'd be able to support yourself and them when you went back to work with a flexible job. I think you're right and that you'd need a more local, part-time job. It's really hard to be able to prove to your social worker that you've got the future covered... because how do any of us know, really, when it comes to job security!!

Remember you'll also get child allowance (is that the name? Used to be family allowance) possibly working tax credits etc. Might be worth going into "entitled too" and looking at certain facts and figures to give you an idea.

Hi, the important thing is to think about your support network. Will someone be there to help you if you are ill or there is a problem with your child. As the previous poster said can you afford a year off for maternity. Foreign holidays are great but not a necessity. Most schools have free after school clubs and many ac are happy to be at home or out with parent rather than doing lots of clubs. Best wishes for the process.

Hi, I'm a single adopter, six years in.

The key to this is planning, and accepting that it may be a few years before you are in a positon to adopt.

Firstly why are you assuming that a local job will be low paid?. I also had to find a local job, which was actually higher paid than the job where I travelled regionally, because I went from the voluntary to the public sector.
I was quite mercenary in my approach, I knew a civil service job would give the best pay, best terms and conditions including flexible working, holidays, part time and pension and adoption leave. So thats what I targeted, took me 18 months to find it but I got there. Its much easier to get a full time well paid job, and then ask to go part time after adoption leave, than is to find a well paid part time job.

Don't worry about university fees, its too far in the future and not a given for a any child, and particularly adoptive children, But who knows what the education system will look like in 20 years time.

Kids don't need foreign holidays. We have been lucky enough to have three in 6 years, one was at the end of our first year so I still had some savings, one was for my 50th birthday and one last year which I saved for 18 months for. The next few years will be uk only, we stay will friends or in Youth hostels, or premier inn if we are pushing the boat out. One of the highlights of our year is our annual trip to Cornwall. My son also loves north Wales.
Activities - well my son is quite busy, but two clubs are after school so free, a £10 a month membership at the local gym gives him unlimited swimming, ( swimming lessons about £45 a half term) scouts is £3 a week, tennis lessons are £20 a month. so not too bad. Most art galleries, musuems and libraries have lots of free activities. Investing in things like English Heritage memberships gets you lots of 'free' days out.

In terms of finances what you need to focus on your housing and living costs and childcare. Childcare is the killer to be honest. Its one of, though far from the only, reason why I adopted a school age child. When he was at primary I worked four short days, so no childcare costs apart from £5 a week for two afterschool clubs. Childcare in the school holidays can be anything from £60 to £100 a week. A nursery or childminder will be expensive.
The other killer is affording adoption leave, most agencies will be looking for you to have at least 6 months off, if not a year.
You don't have to be rich to adopt, just financially stable, and be able to afford the essential costs.
You would probably qualify for child benefit, its not masses but £80 a month will keep them in shoes ( children's shoes are flipping expensive) or pay a bill. You may qualify for tax credits. Your child may qualify for DLA if they have extra needs.

Do a budget, some of your costs will not change eg mortgage, up your utilities and food a bit etc. Think about what you can strip out, I 'saved' lots of money because of course I didnt go out for 18 months. Try to get to a reasonable idea of what you need to live on, rather than what you would like to live on. That should help target job search.
I'm very fortunate, I do get an adoption allowance, but because I didnt include it in my financial planning, we are quite comfortable, but I could manage without it.
As a singly the other major issue they will focus on is your support network, so you need to think carefully about that

Thanks everyone for you're replies.
I knew about adoption leave of 12 months, my current job doesn't offer this as a benefit (nor maternity leave) so I would be looking for a job which offered this before I adopted.
I also imagine I would be adopting a child 3 years up and therefore they would be going to school within a year so I could work.
The support network is another potential issue, I don't live very near my family, and my parents are too frail to help etc. I do have local friends know would have children a similar age, would that count as a support network? I also don't have any male friends (although most of my female friends have male partners, I don't hang out with them as families/couples) apart from 1 close family member and 1 brother. Does that count as male role models? My brother isn't bad, but he's not great either.?

your replies 

I don't have a huge family and my parents are too far away for practical support. Think quality not qauntity

Break it down to practical and emotional support. Think about different scenarios - who would you call if you fell over and broke a leg, you get stuck at work and need a pick up from school etc etc

Think laterally - what about neighbours ? Remember your network will grow - I have more friends now than I ever did before I adopted.

Please don't forget that there is an adoption allowance that you can apply for as well. Agencies don't encourage it but it's there for a reason.

Absolutely agree about thinking laterally about the help people can give.

To be honest we were asked about university so just be ready to show about the cost of things I think is the trick.

The process is all about testing how committed, how ready you are. You are already doing a great job of thinking it through.

Good luck

The reason for the adoption allowance is to facilitate the adoption of hard to place children who usually have significant special needs or are in larger sibling groups .

If the OP adopted one of these children then it’s unlikely she would be able to work . And I’ve never heard of a single person adopting a sibling group of 3+ children.

As a ted said, the key is planning ahead and being strategic . Save, work two jobs, move to a cheaper area, get a new more flexible job with better benefits.

I assumed that adoption allowance was only to help with children with additional needs?

I think my support network would 'pass' based on your replies, I assume I would make more friends through my adoptee attending school/clubs and where I currently live I have several friends with young children on my street so I hope that they would help in emergencies (as I would for them) and I live in a nice friendly area.
I could even try and target clubs which might have more male volunteers running them, eg football, tennis etc (I know that my adoptee might not want to do that, but it's something I've thought of) totry and increase interaction with male role models.

Financially: I have room in my house for a lodger, I know a friend with a young family who has one and it doesn't really interfere with family life, would I be allowed a lodger if I adopted? And to use that rent income as part of my overall income package? Would a lodger need to be vetted?

no you wouldnt be able to have a lodger when a child is placed with you, at least initially anyway. Once the adoption order is granted what you do is up to.
I always had lodgers, to be honest I wouldnt want one now anyway. In practical terms, although I have a three bedroom house, still having a spare room is helpful for when the grandparents come to stay, my spare room is now my 'room of doom', its my ironing/ junk/stick it out of the way where I can't see it room.
Remember that being an adoptive family can be very different, I certainly wouldnt have wanted a lodger around witnessing some of the behaviour and emotional stuff that goes on here. I also don't want to have to have consideration for someone else either. We also had life story work/therapy at home which would have been difficult to do with a lodger around.
Its a great way to save though. My last lodger moved out just after I was linked.
Adoption allowances are difficult to get these days. They are usually for children considered hard to place - but a child can be hard to place can be for many reasons, not just disability or other special needs.
Please bear in mind that most adopted children have additional needs of some description. That doesn't mean they are necessarily harder to parent. My son is classed as having special needs - he has autism, a learning difficulty, sensory issues, anxiety. That sounds a lot but he is in fact a bit of a dream compared to what some people have to deal with.

When we were young kids my parents had a lodger.

Personally, I would not want any stranger living in my house with my kids. If I had a converted granny annex with separate entrance etc not accessible from my home, then I would not mind. But I would not want to live with any other person while I was parenting young kids.

Do you own your property outright? Could you ever be in a position to sell it and buy two smaller properties, rent one out and live in the other? It's risky, so if you think of this do take advice, you can be stuck with an empty property paying council tax or whatever, but if you were in a really desirable place, like right by a seaside place or a uni it might be worth considering. But I am not a property person and can't advise! If you do decide to downsize, do it before you start the process and make sure you have a support network near your new place so you can tick that box and not have to totally start again.

In your shoes I would look at upping your earning potential now, can you take qualification in your chosen field? Make use of evening classes etc which you will not be able to do once you have a child?

Can you find additional work you could do from home like book keeping or proof reading?

Kids do not need foreign holidays or fancy dance classes but money =time (or time = money if you prefer). So the more you get paid for every hour away from home the fewer hours you will need to away from home.

Whoever said up thread get a well paid full time job and then go part-time, I completely agree.

Our son came to us at 3 and went to school at 4 (although legally not required to go until 5 we took professional advice and he was ready to go part time at 4).

So we did not end up needing childcare, aside from school holidays but I do work part-time and dh works full time.

Italian I'm completely over-qualified for my current work, but it's in the arts so it's a case of supply and demand that keeps my wage low. However I love my work and feel completely fulfilled, it would be very difficult for me to walk away from that, which is why I have a lodger to help pay my mortgage.
I also love where I live and downsizing would be difficult too, it's such a nice area with nice neighbours and a good local primary school it would seem counter productive to move to a worse area or a small flat.
If I can't afford it then so be it, there are a few variables in my financial position, so if the stars align then maybe it could happen. I know you can't have it all in life, and I will have a good life without children. I do feel I could be a good parent, and I think I have the right personal qualities to adopt, although I know it's not an easy road. it's just a shame that it could just be money that it's the thing that prevents me being able to, as I have a good life and would love to offer that to a child.
I guess most children in this country that are suitable for adoption/would benefit from adoption are adopted rather than end up in care/long term fostering, and so there's no shortage of adoptive homes? I don't think I would be able to cope with a very disabled child, and would expect that an adoptive child might need extra support with learning/tuition etc (although I know that's not a given) or they might have a talent that should be nurtured. I would hate to stretch myself too thin that I was not able to pay for extra support if it would be beneficial to the child.
Thanks for all your advice though, hopefully it might be still possible, I've just got to work out how!

I think the question you have to ask yousels is how much do I reall want this and how much am I prepared to sacrifice or compromise on.

I understand about the job, I used to have a job I loved, I miss it. But it didnt give me what I needed to be a mum so that was my big compromise. Hopefully in a couple of years, when my son is through GCSEs, and when my mortgage is paid I can return to something more personally fufilling but for now its not an option.

I had to work, plan and be patient , and then yes my stars aligned but I had to make it happen.

A for shortage of adoptive homes, yes there are. Not for the 'healthy' babies or pre schooler, they are in demand. But for the older children, and sibling groups, they have to wait longer for a family.

I suppose ted a lot of the reasons I feel I could be a good parent to an adoptee are to do with my own happiness with my situation I have now, a lovely job with supportive colleagues and a nice home with good friends and neighbours near by.
I'm not saying that I won't have to change or compromise, but I imagine it's a lot tougher being a single parent than my life is currently and therefore I will need that extra support more than ever.
I might have to wait a few more years and save up to create more of a buffer, and then I would probably be looking for an older child to fit in more with my age in a few years. But I would be apprehensive about adopting a child who is a year or two away from puberty and the teenage years and all that might bring without a few years together as a family under my belt!

Very few children of the age you describe (a few years from puberty) are released for adoption. I think I was told 4 years ago that most kids are 3-6/7 but there are babies and toddlers and some kids who are older.

How old are you, if I may ask OP?

I adopted a 3 year old when I was late 40s. Your age is not a massive issue with adoption, one of the few things where being older is not seen as a big disadvantage if you are fit and well.

IMHO I would consider what you could do to generate some income for yourself to help with adoption. For example could you work more now to save up, could you start a little business from home that is based around what you like? Whatever you can save now will make life easier later.

Being able to look after the financial needs of the child is a really big one. But people can and do make money, get extra jobs etc for periods of time. (The most lucrative job I ever had was waitressing/waiting tables in a place where you got your own tips - think steak house! But it is bloody knackering!) Good luck.

Thanks Italian I've just turned 40 and I'm in ok health/fitness.
I am just going through a divorce, and am awaiting the outcome of the financial separation which might take a while. If it's a 50% split of our combined assets I will be ok, and this will probably be enough, together with a part time job, and saving until adoption, to keep myself and a child. But as with most divorces there are a couple of complications, so I don't want to count my chickens!
I would be looking for a child between 3-7 as I have nephews/nieces/friends with children living close by with similar aged children, so I would hope that would help the child feel and fit into my extended family better? I was concerned that an older child say 11-12 might not be able to adjust, and then you have puberty kicking in, which is what I though was meant by an older child mentioned up thread.
I haven't done much/any research yet as I have to wait and see the financial part of my divorce so see it I really have a chance, and so sorry if I seem ignorant of the process (cos I am I guess).

in adoption land 'older' usually means school age!
I was 47 when my nearly 8 year old came home, so you really do have plenty of time.
Agencies will usually want you to wait a while after a divorce to begin the process, but thats not a reason for you to start planning to put yourself in the best position for when you can start.

So you probably have a couple of years for those stars to align.

I know a lot of single adopters, we all have very different circumstances, we all make it work in our own way.

I think I've only once heard of a child post 10 being adopted (anecdotally). Your 3-7 age range sounds perfect.

You sound like you do have a lot to give so I hope this works out for you.