The Primal Scream

[mamoosh]

I would be interested in the views of this board on this book, especially the adoptees here. I know it is seen as essential reading but I keep putting it off. I am avoiding it in case it just paints a very painful scenario without suggestions on how to help a child with grief and healing. Thoughts?

I LOVE it when adopters ask adoptees questions!! I haven't read it (because I think it would probably tip me right over the edge) but I have read about what it is about, and I can relate to what it is about, certainly. I think that latest trauma thinking believes that if a child can talk about something then they can deal it, and process, and recover, and so I think reading this book would help you to start conversations and help you to help your child talk about how they feel. I also think it will help you see your relationship as not being a replacement relationship, but something different, and something which is just as good, just different, and to help you help a child with grief about something which is lost at the same time as building something which can last between you both. So please don't avoid it! Sorry about the lack of paragraphs, my return key doesn't work on mumsnet. These are just my views, as an adoptee, likely to be totally different from other adoptees.

PS I think you meant primal wound, not primal scream. Good band though : ) (unless you did mean primal scream and there is another heavy weight book about adoption out, involving the therapy primal scream).

Do you mean The Primal Wound? If so, I found the first couple of sections tough going, and then better after that. Worth reading!

Thanks, yes I do mean The Primal Wound, LOL. Looks like I need to summon up the courage and buy it.

Im an adoptee and I’ve had this book sat on my bedside table for a year now. I can’t bring myself to read it, my adoption wasnt straight forward and I’m worried that it might bring up some issues that I’ve managed to bury!

I'm not adopted and I found it a really painful read. I know adoptees who felt that it was very insightful, but I think that you may want to have someone that you can talk to about it.
If you want to dip a toe into it without getting too involved, Nancy Verrier made a series of videos of interviews. The first one is here:

I hope this is helpful.
All the best.

I have got this book from the library today as it was on a list of resources I've been gathering and I intended for my partner and I to read it together - I'm a bit worried about it now!

If you go onto amazon and read the reviews, a lot of adopted people post their thoughts on there. If you generally google reviews of the book, you will find very differing viewpoints.

I think it's a helpful but hard book to read.
I found Bruce Perry's books a better introduction to the concepts of what goes on and make primal sound easier to tackle.

Thanks, I looked up Bruce Perry. He's going on my reading list.

I'm half way through a Bruce Perry book. I'd definitely recommend reading his books too.

Just to say my local group of adoptive parents have all recommended The Primal Wound as a way of understanding their children (although all said it was a hard read).

I think it has a lot of opinion given as fact. It's an opinion worthy of being heard, but different adoptees/adoptive families may find their own reality does not reflect what's in there.

It provoked a very strong negative reaction in me. I found it in a second hand bookshop and was delighted to come across it, because I’d heard it was well worth reading. Took it home started reading it and couldn’t get past the first chapter. It made me feel irrationally angry.

It remains the only book I have ever thrown away (as in ‘stick it in the recycling bin not even take it to the charity shop’ throw away)

It was a very bizarre experience

The negative reaction was to The Primal Wound. I’m quite partial to Primal Scream...

I read it and am neither an adopter nor an adoptee (a friend is adopted so I thought it might help me understand some of her feelings better). I thought it was interesting but she was stating some things as facts without having a lot of evidence behind them.

I do have an only child and once read a book on only children which said how I'd totally ruined her life and she would always be miserable. So I can understand people wanting to throw books through windows!