Just starting up question about timing.

[Papabless89]

Hi guys my first post in here. Bit of a back story. I was adopted, my sister was adopted and my mum was a foster career for 20 years so I’ve seen the adoption process from the child’s point of view 10+ times. But I don’t really have a view from the other side.

I’m 28 and my husband is 32. We put in for adoption 2 weeks ago. We have our first meeting with our SW on Tuesday. (We had to call and pester to get anywhere as I know if you don’t things get left)
They’ve already stated as my mother was a foster carer for so long and because of my back ground it will be easier for me and my DH to adopt. Which I don’t see why that should really effect the process but.. meh.

Looking through the forums I see people that are waiting 18 months+ for a child and this is confusing as we were told stage one we will be done in 2 months this includes 3 classes which I’m already familiar with slightly, after that our SW will visit every two weeks and a child will be matched with us.

This seems so different to what others here are stating. We’ve gone through the local council for this. Is that why it’s different? Or are they talking the talk but realistically know it’s never going to be that quick?

What were the timelines for you guys?

(We are interested in both boys and girls. Also siblings. Also as my husband is Spanish we don’t mind the race of the child either. As he is quite dark so we have no preference as some may to skink colour.) does this affect the speed also?

Thanks :)

Timelines can be very different for different people and they depend on a whole multitude of things. We thought we were a pretty straight forward application...15 months to approval, and our children came home 3 months after approval. So 18 months in total. Delays included - Social worker sickness, holidays, delayed Medicals due to lost records, extra references being sought, there really is a myriad of reasons as to why it may take longer than stated. And matching can be another ball game altogether. But for us, although it was a frustrating wait, the extra box ticking (and there is a lot of box ticking), did make approval and matching a lot smoother...there was nothing left to pick at. Also, if we had've been approved earlier, we wouldn't have been matched with our two, who are just gorgeous little humans. If it does take longer than you expect, really enjoy your child free time (it is said a lot, but it's very true). Even though we wanted it so much, it is still a bit of a shock that you can't just nip to the shops anymore, that you can't partake in a summer afternoon pub session anymore and you do have to plan just getting out of the house. I found research and reading the forums a good activity that kept me occupied because it still felt like I was moving along...even though at times the process didn't feel like it was. I also found it helpful to take one step at a time and aim for the next box tick, rather than letting my mind race along. Good luck!

For us it took a year to approval and then hopefully things go smoothly but we will be matched shortly...! I think so many different things can delay the process, but the stage one booklet took me and my partner at least a month to complete... - maybe you won’t have to do that as I’ve read not everybody does - but that was very time consuming! Then there were cancelled meetings, medical checks, dbs checks, which all seemed to take time. In all fairness we also haven’t pushed anybody really - we haven’t tried to rush the process- so maybe it could be quicker. Maybe it is quicker but I think public sector workers are all so overworked!

approval and matching are two separate processes. There are guidelines for long approval should take, but they are guidelines and there can be delays.

Matching time varies enormously and depends on many factors, including the age and sex of the child you are looking for, and what difficulties you are prepared to accept.

Just on trans racial adoption, please don't confuse skin colour with race and etthnicity. Your husband may have a dark skin tone but he is still White European, unless he comes from an ethnic minority in Spain. My god daughter is half Indian, she could pass for Spanish/Portguese or Italian, but she isn't, she is half Indian. Trans racial adoption is still quite rare in this country and is controversial. I'm white with a black child. You would be expected to promote a child's racial/ethnic heritage, if you adopt a child of a different background to yourself. Its really not an easy path to take.

Thanks. Yes I understand. My sister is Pakistani whom was adopted to two white parents. I could have put that nicer. My husband doesn’t class himself as white European as he’s to dark to be accepted as ‘white’. He doesn’t see himself as white. What I should have said in a politer way was we don’t mind middle eastern or any other race as some others may do. So may give us a wider ‘choice’

Thanks guys for the responses and best wishes. 😊

No I don't think it would give you a wider SWs do not match on skin colour. He is still Spanish/European. Nor is ' Middle Eastern' a race.

If you adopt a child from another ethnicity or racial background, you are expected to have an above average understanding of racial issues which to be honest you aren't really demonstrating even in these few posts.
I don't mean to be harsh, its very common for prospective adopters to say they don't mind about ethnicity/race but its not as simple as that.

To be honest your biggest strength is probably that you come from a family of adopters/foster carers. You sound like you have lots to offer a child. Good luck!

It took nine months for approval then seven months for a match. Guidelines state approval should take six months so agencies work towards that but delays aren't uncommon. How long matching takes varies.

I think the fact that you have different ethnicities is a good thing and personally I feel being slightly darker skinned and “not white” does give you an understanding of issues around ethnicity personally. If the issues are “where do I come from” and “what’s my background”, then skin colour doesn’t help obviously, if the child’s background is completely different. But definitely I think understanding what racism feels like and being able to share that with a child who may experience it is important.

Being of mixed race heritage I often get asked the “where are you from” question - which I’m sure the original posters partner gets as well - therefore he has an understanding of the ethnic issues have to do with having an ambiguous ethnicity. No he might not know how to make a chapati, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a shared experience of the ethnicity which is “other”.

Ted. i know middle eastern isn’t a race but many races. You’re taking what I’m saying and feel like you’re just being condescending in any way possible. And I DO understand about different ethnicities. My sister is Pakistani. Cousins are bangi sisters husband is Jamaican. My family is a Huge mixed bag, my mother’s fostered black, white, brown every colour under the sun. you may assume just because my husband is Spanish he is white he is NOT. Just because you have a black child please don’t assume you know my abilities to if it came to it raise a child of a different ethnicity because I’m ‘white’

Thanks for the good luck but please I don’t need your condescending attitude around.

I'm sorry I didnt mean to offend, but your last post really is the most massive drip feed.

I've seen countless posts from white couples who don't have a clue and tag on the I don't mind what colour/ ethnicity/ race the child is because they think it will increase their chances of adopting full stop. I did also say that unless your husband is from a Spanish ethnic minority he would still be considred white European, which you did not correct.

This just goes to show what a minefield transracial adoption is and probably reflects some of the issues I've faced as a white adopter.

once again my apologies and I do genuinely wish you well on your adoption journey

We took 7 months to approval and a further 3 months to placement. We first heard of our kids 3 days after approval. It was all super quick and we feel very lucky. Best of luck.

Papabless89 we adopted our son over four years ago so our timeline may not be relevant for now. Plus we have a birth child which meant the assessment at the start took twice as long as a friend who did not have any birth children.

It took us one year from initial meeting to approval to adopt then it took just over four months to the local authority offering us details of the child who became our son. Then just under four months for him to move in with us. So 20 months.

I would say that it is possibly important to go into this without having too many expectations about it being really quick or taking a really long time, because it could be either!

The fact you grew up with a sister who is non-white, I think, will give you an empathy and understanding that may be useful in this process, along with your general experience of adoption etc, and possibly your husband's ethnicity may also help to open possibly doors to a wider range of children. I say this simply because the social workers were not so thrilled dh and I were both English and even suggested dh being Scottish might help! (Utterly random!) At the very least your dh being non-British will mean other Spanish or whatever children may be placed with you over an English couple.

If either of you are religious, e.g. Roman Catholic or otherwise, this could also be seen as a plus in your direction. Ironically religion (I know you don't mention that, I am just saying) can go either way. It may be seen as a plus by one social worker or a negative by others, so I am told!

Good luck.

My wife and I started the journey as they like to call it in November 2016, we are due to welcome our little girl home in November. So just shh if two years. Strange one was a lot of paperwork but relatively short. It's stage two that has a fixed timeline where we are. They like to get approval panel booked in on first visit after stage 1 is complete to ensure it doesn't drag too long.

As for matching a child it's all about the right child for you. Not a case of this child is next up and so are you so here you go!!! We have had a number of potential matches that didn't work out for one reason or another but I can honestly say that I am glad they didn't as we wouldn't have been matched with our little girls.

Over all we (I) found the process was in spots and spurts. A lot of time of inactivity then a lot things that need doing in a short space of time.

It was frustrating at times for sure and trying to live our life's while having the process going on was challenging but I do believe it's for the best even if I do have a little laugh when I'm told that he government streamlined it a number of years ago to speed things up.

Good luck.