Adopting from the UK

[Bandika]

I know this might be an unusual question. Has anyone here adopted from the UK? I especially would like to hear from people who are not British nationals, and also if they were not living in the UK at the time of the adoption. I would really love to know about the process and just to see if it is even possible at all.

I remember that back in the days when I lived in the UK, a social worker told me that it was possible to foster a child from the UK, under British rules and live in Spain. She had a case like that. Also, after reading as much info as I could find on this, it seems like something that is possible but very uncommon.

I would really love to adopt a child and I believe that I satisfy the requirements of the UK, except that I don't really want to move back to the UK. I work there 3 months every year but I am happier living in Spain, plus job-wise things are getting better for me and I wouldn't really want to give that up. (In Spain it would be nigh impossible to adopt.) If there is no other choice, I will move back, though.

Just a few more details: I am single, 42 and a higher ed teacher.

Thank you in advance.

To adopt in the UK you have to have a permanent stable home in the UK and have been resident in the UK for at least a year.

There would be nothing legally to stop you moving back to Spain once you have your adoption order but you would need to consider the impact on the child uprooting them, particularly to a country where they don't speak the language, the availabilty of post adoption support and how you would access support for any additional needs they may have.

You wouldnt be able to foster a child from the UK and live abroad unless there were exceptional circumstances such as the child being a family member.
As a single adopter social workers will be looking very carefully at your support network, finances and plans for working. Not all adopted children can cope with childcare, sometimes their needs mean you cannot return to work full time.
I'm a single adopter. My son has some additional needs but we are settled and stable. Six years in I still only work part time, I'm fortunate that I am in the financial position not to have to work full time. If I had to work full time I would manage it, but I believe both my son and I benefit from me being at home more. It certainly helps to manage the extra appointments at school and with therapists etc.

Thank you, Ted27, for the reply.

I don't really have a family, apart from my brother who often needs my help but could provide free babysitting services :) He currently lives with me and will very likely continue to do so in the future. We don't keep in touch with my mother due to the abuse we suffered at her hands. Do you think this would disqualify me?

I am a teacher so I could have more time with my child than mothers in the usual 9-5 job.
Could you please tell me a bit more about your experience with the adoption process? Was it difficult to get approved as a single parent? What was it like when you received your child? What difficulties did you experience? Anything you think I should prepare for that guide books don't talk about I would deeply appreciate.
Thank you!

Hi Bandika,

As Ted posted above, it's unlikely that being able to adopt in the UK and then live in Spain is viable, but of course, it would depend on what the agency / social workers thought. Wherever you are you need a big support network (more than just your brother, although he sounds great!) and post-adoption support based on the social worker's plan for the child.

I'm still at a very early stage in my adoption journey, but I'm pretty sure that a social worker would suggest your brother move out as you wouldn't be adopting as partners, and it would be confusing for a child to understand who the primary caregiver is. If it considered okay for your brother to live there, he'd have to undertake a lot of the evaluation process as well to ensure he'd not be a risk to the child. Is he prepared to do this? It would definitely be a CRB check, possibly medical check, etc. I currently live with a friend and she's moving out before I get to Stage 2. This is based on advice from my social worker (I will miss her!). Plus, I need my spare room back!

It's recommended that you would need to take at least six months off work - depending on the child's needs, even a year or 18 months. I'm planning a year, but am open to 18 months based on what the child needs.

I don't have a relationship with my mother either for various reasons (neglect when I was a child / she's just the worst person you'd ever meet!), and I've had lots of counselling about it. Social workers want to look quite deeply into how you were parented, and see how you've resolved or have handled any difficulties. I expect if I'd not already had years of counselling that I'd be told to go away and have this.

I hope the above doesn't come across as too negative. I believe that if you really want to do this that you can do this, but there will need to be a lot of compromises made to your current situation - all of them would be in the best interests of the child. Because that's what it's all about.

I recently watched 15,000 Children (a three part documentary about adoption in the UK) which you can find on YouTube (hopefully you can access it in Spain!). It will give you more of an idea of the emotional side of the process from the social workers' perspective, the birth family's perspective, the foster carers and the adoptive parents.

Wishing you luck - if you have any questions I'm happy to answer them if I can! x

The things you really need to think about as a single adopter are

finance - how will you fund your adoption leave, what if you need to go part time at work - can you afford it? Children generally are expensive. Childcare can be hideously costly -its one of the reasons I adopted a school age child. Can you afford it

support - its hard work, you can't do it on your own. Support doesnt have to mean family, it could be friends, neighbours. It does mean a bit more than a spot of baby sitting, What if you get stuck at work, are ill, what if the child is ill. what about school holidays, teacher training days, snow days etc. Whose shoulder are you going to cry on, who will you vent to, who will get some shopping in for you. You will need to provide at least three referees.

work - teaching may give you long holidays but day to day isnt the most flexible job. This year we had several snow days, my son's secondary school was closed, my office wasnt, we have three local primaries, two closed, one stayed open. Your child is likely to have some additional needs - how will you handle appointments. I work three days a week, I manage to get most of our appointments on my non working days but it isnt always possible. I also have flexible working - I can go in late, have a long lunch, finish early, as long as I work my 90 hours over the month it doesnt matter.

I adopted over 6 years ago, I did have some issues as a single adopter - but that was more with an individual social worker and I got there in the end. Many SWs do prefer couples for their children and I do agree that some children require the energy of two people. I know lots of single adopters though.

If your brother is living with you, do you both realise that he will need to be assessed alongside you. How supportive is he really of your plans. You say your brother often needs your help - what does that really mean? Does he work ?

At the moment I think your priority would be to move back to the UK, get settled and build your support. You need to think seriosuly about the idea of shuttling back and forth between Spain and the UK. Adopted children really need stablity, particularly in the early years. You need to think about language and the impact of a different culture on an insecure child who will probably have addtional needs. Not to say you couldnt move back in the future, I do know adopters who have returned to their home nation - but these were to English speaking countries.

I have the same difficulties as most adopters, getting support, funding for therapy, finding the right schools etc etc. Its just harder on your own - the emotional weight of decision making is all yours. Being the only income earner, ying to maintain work and looking after your child - this is a big issue for me at the moment. We are six years in, my son is 14 he is doing well, but there are issues causing me great stress, I'm not looking forward to GCSEs, - three phone calls this morning from him about a piece of holiday homework. I don't have a career anymore - I have a job which pays me what I need to earn.

Its just a tough old job, I love my son, he is an amazing and brave young man. He has exceeded everyone's expectations. I don't regret it for a second - but it is hard