Violent children

[FesteringCarbuncle]

I'm looking for support and advice and hope to find someone who has had a positive outcome
I'm not sure if this is the right place. Perhaps a lot of posters are in the earlier stages?
DC is preteen
Has always been at the extreme end of challenging. Violent and destructive
Its got harder of course as DC has got bigger
Had therapy via the AF but the therapist never really got DC to engage. Currently being seen by CAMHS who are only interested in the suicide threats and not in past history
I'm afraid we will break down

Hi. My (adopted) daughter is mid teens. It's very tough! Not sure I can offer any advice but wanted to send sympathy and support. We are also working with CYPS. Some good days... some awful days. Changing school last year made a huge difference x

I'm sure you know this already but this is what works for us:
Keeping calm and not exacerbating the situation
Moving away until she calms down
Voicing her feelings - I know you are angry/ upset and I understand.
Not addressing or issuing consequences for behaviour until behaviour regulates.
If it's any consolation we have found that episodes are less frequent and much shorter as she's got older. She is beginning to have more control. She is developing more maturity/ insight into her own behaviour.
There is light at end of tunnel x

Thank you for your reply
Does your daughter have any medication?
Our trigger point is bed. We did have a reasonably good bedtime routine but our NHS trust put a ban on one of her bedtime medications. That was last Xmas and we haven't had a proper sleep routine since. DC is sleeping with me which I don't mind but behaviours escelate at bedtime no matter what I do and I get aggression and verbal abuse

Have you heard of/tried Therapeutic Parenting?

Fb group called Therapeutic Parenting, website is naotp I think.

💐

We find our daughter gets stuck in certain patterns of behaviour around certain trigger points - which seems to be what's happening for you - we have to look for ways to change \ break the pattern. She doesn't have any meds - we are in the middle of getting a diagnosis. Trigger points are usually around any demands we make of her - even simple ones such as 'hang your coat up' can escalate out of control. It's incredibly exhausting. I've learnt not to take it personally - helps to remove the emotions a bit.

Does your LA offer non violent resistance training? Or the NAOTP do a "managing violent behaviour" course that is supposed to be incredibly good on practical strategies (you can hear from parents who've used it, on the Facebook group tldr referred to in her post). I'm sorry it's so tough on you right now - you're definitely not alone, and there are strategies to help

I'm not up to that age yet, so not going to offer suggestions. I will say that the Adoption UK forum gets a lot of parents with very challenging situations and is a great resource for this sort of question.

We've done a taster session on NVR. The therapist DC is a trainer and didn't feel it was the right approach. I tend to agree with her
Therapeutic parenting, patience and empathy give the best results. Its just exhausting and never ending

It is exhausting and never ending. Early teen here. NVR didn't help any approach from that wound her up. Cahms here have been disbanded and the new service not set up yet. So no help from me but you're not alone x