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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Tips for initial visit

22 replies

NotAnotherHeffalump · 14/08/2018 10:18

We have our initial visit from SW on Thursday. I'm very excited/nervous. I obviously intend to have the place looking tidy...any other tips?

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Smudgymoo · 14/08/2018 11:14

I know it’s easy to say but try to relax with them so they can see your personality. I would say be prepared to talk about why you are adopting - if it’s due to infertility issues then yes that can be difficult to talk about to an absolute stranger but they probably will ask about that...

It’s a very exciting step to make - make sure you celebrate it!!

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 14/08/2018 11:24

Thanks smudgymoo! I will try and relax as much as possible. I'm a pretty open person generally, I just hope I don't put my foot in it or say something silly.

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lilymty · 14/08/2018 19:53

We have our first visit this week too. Have they told you how long it will be, ours have not. I'm that worried sw will find something we have even painted every room in the home lol.

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 14/08/2018 20:47

We went to an information evening and the adopters there took about 18 months. We are quite interested in fostering to adopt or concurrent care, which might be a bit shorter though, I think...?

Also just concerned that they find something that'll make us an outright no. My previously very turbulent teenage relationship with my mum? Our dog? Our religious beliefs? My previous miscarriage? Some aspect of our house that I haven't thought about and isn't easily corrected? Or that I'll just come across as a complete incompetent spoon. Who knows Confused!

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lilymty · 14/08/2018 21:34

I know just how you feel. I'm worried as I'm over weight and have had 5 miscarriages so I'm worried they will say we arnt ready. We have our visit tomorrow night so I'm just hoping we don't say anything too stupid to the sw.

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 14/08/2018 21:44

Me too. Mine was in March, so nearly 6 months ago now. I don't know how they'll view that.... Keep us updated. Our SW visit is on Thursday morning.

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lilymty · 15/08/2018 23:26

Well our first visit was both good and bad. I really liked our SW who made me feel like I was talking to a friend. She was very positive and said she thinks we have alot to offer. We just had one big negative, my weight. I'm over the 40 bmi level so can't move onto the next stage until I have lost the weight. So now the diet starts. Good luck with your visit tomorrow.

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 16/08/2018 09:43

That's very good news lilymty at least it's something you can change. I'm sure you're very motivated too.

Well after lots of stress and house prep last night and early this morning, I have realised that the SW isn't coming out until next week Blush

DH is not impressed Grin

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lilymty · 16/08/2018 21:16

That's a shame you have to wait another week. You get so worked up about it all. I have a phone call today so say our SW had talked her manager into letting us start stage 1 now with me losing weight as we go along. We are now waiting to start that and our training is in November as we missed the September dates. Exciting times ahead. 😁

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 16/08/2018 23:13

Amazing news! Congratulations!! I hope it all goes to plan for you. I find myfitnesspal and crossfit helpful for maintaining/losing weight, but strongly believe that there's no "one size fits all" when it comes to exercise. My friend LOVES Zumba, I like weights. Find whatever you look forward to/don't mind doing. Best of luck!

Will keep you updated on mine next week.

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donquixotedelamancha · 17/08/2018 18:51

any other tips

See it as you interviewing them, not the other way around. You obviously want to make a good impression but, more importantly, you want to decide whether this is an effective agency and whether adoption is right for you. Make a list of practical questions about the process and think about how you will judge whether this agency really is the one to go with.

lilymty · 22/08/2018 22:42

Hi. Hope everything goes well for you tomorrow.

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 23/08/2018 16:07

Thanks lilymty. Overall it went very well. She didn't go into too much depth about our past or anything, she focused more in the adoption process and the types of children that are up for adoption, the types of issued that they might have etc.

She was unsure if we could proceed because of my MC 6 months ago. She said that although they tend to like people to wait 6-12 months after the end of fertility treatment her superior tended to like prospective parents to wait 12 months. So we are waiting for her to get back to us.

She did mention that at some point they would carry out checks on our finances, we are ok money-wise so this didn't worry me, but she said they'd like evidence of savings. Now we have savings, but we have just moved house and have a bit of work to do and furniture to buy, and I reckon that the savings would be gone or significantly depleted once the work is done. I'm going to post again and see if people can give me an idea of how much we would need.

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lilymty · 23/08/2018 23:10

Glad it all went well. Hopefully they wouldnt make you wait the 12 months beforw you can start. Our sw said they like you to have 6 months of mortgage payments saved not sure if everywhere is different.

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 24/08/2018 07:31

Oh wow, 6 months is quite a lot! Best get saving Smile

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lilymty · 27/08/2018 17:35

We have our date to start stage 1. Exciting and nervously hoping I can have all this time off work. Have you heard when you will be able to start?

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 27/08/2018 21:57

Oh congratulations, that's great news! No haven't heard back yet. Hoping to maybe hear tomorrow, but who knows. We actually did go forward for adoption before, but we're put off by the lack of response from the local trust. There isn't the same variety of providers here in NI, basically just the local health trusts which are awfully underfunded and it just takes an age to get even the most basic thing done. Hopefully we will hear back soon though.

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Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 27/08/2018 21:57

Do you get to start soon?

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lilymty · 28/08/2018 19:34

We start stage one early oct with the 4 day training course in early Nov. Problem is they are in the week and I don't know if I will have enough holiday to take all the days off needed.

Thepinklady77 · 28/08/2018 20:58

Notanotherheffalump, just read this thread. I am in Northern Ireland. What trust are you with? If they come back to you to say that they want you to wait 12 months push them to allow you to be signed up and go on the four day prep course during that time. You can not apply formerly anyway until you have done that and in some trust areas you can wait 4 months just to get on a course. If they want you to wait 12 months agree you will not apply to March but that you want to have attended the prep course before then. Even after applying officially you could be waiting for 6 months plus for an appointment of a social worker. We are slow here in Northern Ireland.

Original poster
NotAnotherHeffalump · 29/08/2018 06:07

South Eastern Trust. Although our SW was really lovely the waiting and uncertainty does really get me down. Especially like now, when all you are waiting for is a simple answer and I'm constantly checking my phone . Thanks for the tip, I will do that.

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Thepinklady77 · 29/08/2018 14:25

I will pm you later notanother.

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