Adoption agencies - advice please

[ValDav]

Hello, My husband and I have just started looking at the adoption process. We have recently attended our first information session on domestic adoption although we are very much at info gathering stage right now and we are not yet set on either domestic or inter country adoption, age, child health...Etc. Following the first info session and having read a number of articles, websites...etc, we feel both better informed and confused... We will continue to seek information and attend other sessions of course but I am reaching out here in hope of getting your personal experiences and any information you can share:

1. Would anyone be able to recommend domestic adoption agencies in London and around? And tell me why they were your preferred ones, and the advantages you saw at the time.
2. Do agency requirements (e.g. Need adopters who will accept children from 4 and above with issues) vary greatly from agency to agency?
3. Are there agencies placing "healthy" children from 0-2 that you know of?
4. Were the agencies you have dealt with, transparent about the help/preparation/training they offer to prospective adopters? Was training sufficient to face the various issues you may have had with your little one?
5. Is the IAC the only inter country adoption organisation in the uk? If not, are there any others you could recommend?
6. Were the agencies you have dealt with, transparent about the children's background and their mental/physical conditions?

Many thanks in advance for your help.

1. Some LAs may have a limited supply of children and so be quite choosy about taking on new adopters. This will vary by region, so it's likely to be similar (though by no means identical) in a neighbouring LA. VAs can look nationally.

1. Yes. Most of them, the only restriction being as described above. Generally there is a greater supply of these children from LAs. Most (though by no means all) children placed through VAs are 'harder to place'.

That said, if you absolutely must have a healthy baby, don't adopt in the UK. You need to be able to accept some level of uncertainty. Apparently healthy children adopted as babies have the best outcomes on average but (like any child) the outcomes are random. You have to be willing to accept a higher risk of some very, very difficult times- even if that isn't the norm.

1. Mine was superb. There is a lot of variation in the standard of agencies. Good VAs will have a lot more ongoing training and support than LAs. On average LAs are a bit worse, but it varies a lot. You really just want the best agency near you, of whatever type.

No training remotely prepares you for being a parent, but it's helpful.

1. Yes. To not be so would be unusual and a huge deal. The entire system is geared up to make sure you have this info and you are the right person to meet the child's needs. You are more likely to be oversold the risks to make sure you understand.

You will see horror stories on t'interweb involving parents not knowing a child's full needs because this is a key risk factor for when adoptions go really wrong- so obviously these are the people posting for support. It's often described as deliberate, but in truth is more likely poor practice and stretched resources. Having a good SW and a good agency on your side helps ensure that the right questions are asked of the child's SW and the right info is gathered.

Following the first info session and having read a number of articles, websites...etc, we feel both better informed and confused

Remember that the silent majority of adopters are just getting on with their lives as normal parents. Still those stories of the potential risks are important. You do need to understand how hard it might be if you want to adopt from the UK.

Thank you very much for your replies donquixotedelamancha
It is very helpful. May I ask what VAs stand for please?

May I ask what VAs stand for please?

Voluntary Agencies- charities. The other type of adoption agency from a Local Authority (LA). They recruit and train adopters, match with children and provide post adoption support; but don't have children to be matched as an LA does.

Q5: is the ICA the only Intercountry adoption agency in the U.K.?

Right now, I think yes, however it depends if your LA have a contract with them to do an Intercountry adoption homestudy. Some LAs will do this in house or use an independent social worker with experience in Intercountry adoption.

I agree with what donquixote has said, that has been my experience too. Although, OP you perhaps need to understand what is meant by "healthy". Most babies and children in the UK are placed for adoption because of problems in the birth family's circumstances, and they are not likely to come from a healthy environment. This means they may have for example developmental delays, attachment disorders etc

If you are looking at a younger age group there are many many unknowns - you won't know if a newborn baby has been affected by alcohol or drug abuse, and the birth family is not likely to disclose any such risks to the social workers. The effects may not show up until much later (maybe school age or later).

There are schemes like concurrency and foster to adopt that will place a newborn with potential adoptive parents. But the added risk is that the social workers are still assessing the birth family and the baby may be placed back with them (usually a relative, rather than back with birth mother). The huge advantage of this route is that you get a chance to give the child the best start from birth.

That said, our social workers were very transparent about what they did and didn't know, the training sessions covered in detail the types of risks we were accepting, and when being approved you can explicitly say what risks you are likely to accept (e.g. you can say you are not able to take a child with a known physical disability or genetic condition).

It is a long, emotionally draining but ultimately worthwhile journey, good luck!!

Thank you all very much for your replies. This is invaluable information for us. Thank you.
Would anyone be able to share the type of challenges that you faced and/or are still facing with the end to end process and your little ones please? We have already considered and discussed the uncertainty factor when it comes to adopting children in the UK and we are not trying to sap our own morale, however - at this point - we would rather be as informed as we can so that we are realistic as to what we are embarking into (we do know that there may be issues to be expected). Having said this, we do realize of course that every situation is different and hearing stories may not prepare us to everything but it would still be good to hear them so it helps us in our decision making process. Thanks so very much.

I didn't have any problems with the process apart from the endless waiting. I just ignored any timescale I was given in the end.
In terms of challenges with my little one, his withdrawal symptoms were tough. I did foster to adopt. My baby was placed with me at ten days old straight from hospital on a abstinence program (medication) because of his drug exposure. First few months were very hard but after he got past that he's done great. Fit straight into the family. Good attachment. Hitting all his milestones. No idea if he will have any issues later due to the drug exposure but I love him and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Didn't have any issues with the foster to adopt. Mum relinquished baby and no family came forward. There was a suggestion auntie might but nothing ever came of it.
There's so much information to take in when you first start exploring adoption. It can all be very daunting. Good luck on making your decision.