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Nearly there - but struggling/worried about getting excited?

16 replies

GiddyGardner · 15/07/2018 19:01

We are fast approaching matching panel and I think we are inwardly very excited. I am usually a very positive, cheery disposition type of person, but I do think the whole process of getting this far has stolen some of my optimism. At times it's been tough (and rightly so), at times it's felt intrusive (again, as it should be) and other times just downright degrading (not so much as it should be). I am struggling to get overly excited at the minute, (when I think really I should be dancing on the roof tops).

We have been keeping ourselves busy, doing up the house, making changes and I am very pleased with the children's bedrooms. But I do feel a little flat when family say 'you must be so excited'.

Is it because I have learnt to protect myself throughout the process...because there has been disappointments? Or maybe it's because it feels inappropriate to be joyous, when I know so much pain and heartache from all sides has enabled all of us (previously strangers) to come together.

How did others feel at this point? Can I allow myself to get excited? Is realism a good reaction to have given the enormity of the situation, or should I try to shake it and allow myself get excited?

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donquixotedelamancha · 15/07/2018 20:09

How did others feel at this point? To quote our panel: 'It seems like you are so enthusiastic, you are about to leap over the table'. I was pretty reserved for the entire process to this point- that's my norm about feelings stuff. I was not reserved by the end.

Can I allow myself to get excited? You should feel the way you feel, but I've never known anyone not be excited. After such an exhausting process there is a huge sense of relief and expectation building. You'll find it's much harder to let that go than you think because, instead of being the end of the hard bit, this is actually the start :-). Take as much time as possible to process how you feel and to chill out- there won't be much chance soon.

Is realism a good reaction I think realism is always good. It's realistic to be excited- this is huge. It's also realistic to be bloody terrified.

Congratulations on your new addition. I know how hard it's been (and will be) but it really is worth is. It's fantastic.

GiddyGardner · 15/07/2018 21:31

Thank you, i think I am bloody terrified, maybe that is it. This is huge! The biggest thing we have done in our lives. We have booked in lots of time with friends and family in the remaining child free weeks. But this is it, maybe I just can't believe that this is happening, after such a long process. It is magical. But yes, I do know that this is only the beginning. We have a few hard appointments coming up, and after that I think I will be more confident that it will 'come off', I think I am just struggling to believe because of the long process and dificulties along the way. But these children have always been at the front of our minds, these children made an impact on us from the moment we saw them. I think I'm terrified because of the commitment in my mind we have already made, just in case the panel say no. Thank you for the congratulations, it is something to celebrate!

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Monkeybrains2017 · 15/07/2018 22:33

Our LO came home almost a year ago and we both remember that feeling of not sure what! We actually held a party for our closest family/friends two days before intros started and were asked constantly “you must be so excited?” “What’s he like?” “What are you most looking forward to?” We both remember feeling like frauds and that we weren’t giving the answer people seemed to want/expect. Totally normal! Intros started and then it’s all a blur! Good luck!

Jellycatspyjamas · 16/07/2018 14:10

I’m nearby a year into placement too and remember very well how scared I was of letting myself be excited, just in case things fell through and we’d be disappointed. Our process was so long we weren’t sure we’d ever get there so when we did....

It’s hard too when you know everyone has suffered loss to get here, when you’re anxious about the changes about to strike and when you’re in the midst of planning. Let yourself feel what you feel and don’t worry about whether it matches other people’s expectations of you.

Madelinea · 16/07/2018 15:20

Our sibling group moved in a month been pretty positive the whole way through but got quite apprehensive just before they moved in. They've been amazing. I think what your going through is pretty normal. Good luck and congratulations x

Madelinea · 16/07/2018 15:24

They said intros would be gruelling so I was nervous. We loved ours x

GiddyGardner · 16/07/2018 15:52

Thanks everyone! You are all very supportive! i think friends and family see it from afar and don't always see everything that has had to happen to get to this point, they just see the joy it will bring to our lives. And yes, terrified it could all fall through, but we can't wait and we're on the train, so nothing else to do but keep going forward! Hopefully as the weeks go on I will/can start to relax.

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CharlieSays13 · 16/07/2018 16:31

We kept our excitement under wraps, after years of pain and heartbreak it was self preservation i guess. Once we were approved at Matching Panel that all changed. Knowing it wasn't going to be taken away from us was the best feeling in the world, and actually being able to talk about it and tell people what we are doing. We meet our family in days, our excitement is through the roof! All the best for Panel xx

GiddyGardner · 26/07/2018 16:52

I am now excited!! Matching panel approved unanimously! So in the few weeks we have left I am going to finish what needs to be done with a permanent smile on my face! Matching panel was a really positive experience and we are thrilled!

And on top of that, it is about to rain and my garden is gasping for it. Today is a fantastic day!

Hard work begins now!!

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DeegeeDee · 26/07/2018 17:07

That's great to hear Giddy, enjoy tis time and look forward to hearing more

GiddyGardner · 26/07/2018 17:46

Thank you @DeegeeDee It really is the time to be excited now xx

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Ted27 · 26/07/2018 18:28

congratulations !

GiddyGardner · 26/07/2018 18:55

Thank you @Ted27, we are so thrilled. xx

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CharlieSays13 · 26/07/2018 22:48

Congratulations Giddy, and it only gets better, we're half way through introductions and the smile hasn't left our faces yet. 😊

GiddyGardner · 26/07/2018 22:50

Orr, @CharlieSays13 that is so heartwarming, thank you xx

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gabsdot · 27/07/2018 14:22

Excitement wasn't a word I used during our adoption process. Are people excited when they pregnant??

I was only ever anxious, worried, stressed out and emotional.
A couple of times I let myself imagine what it would be like to have a child in our home or imagined what he would look like in an item of clothing I had bought. But it wasn't excitement.

Congratulations BTW

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