Birth sibling - should we move house?

[Clocksanddogs]

Hi all
I am interested in other people's experience of social workers views on moving house.

Our amazing son moved in two years ago and we have loved spending time as a family. He seems well settled.

We recently found out that there is a birth sibling and the baby has been in foster care for a few months. We were asked if we would be interested in adopting this child and we confirmed we would. We think it would be great for the children to grow up together. We were approved as potential adopters for a sibling group but when we saw our son's profile we fell in love.

We are currently waiting for social workers to start our reassessment. We have very rough timescales of placement in 5 to 12 months.

In the last two years a few other changes have happened. I now work primarily from home and my partners home based business has grown.

We live in a small three bed house. It would be tough move out of the third bedroom to make space. I've been looking at extensions and garden offices etc but estate agents tell me we are at the ceiling price for our area and the money would be better spent on the move to a new house. We can afford to move to a bigger house locally It's just a question of timing. The saving from not putting in a garden office would go a long way towards a house move.

Does anyone have experience of how social workers might react if we were mid house moving process, or due to move within the next year, when social workers call to start our assessment? Another advantage of moving this year is getting it done before our son starts school.

Many thanks

We are currently waiting for social workers to start our reassessment. We have very rough timescales of placement in 5 to 12 months.

Why are you waiting? I would want that baby out of foster care and placed asap.

5 months is realistic for a second adoption, 12 months is a bonkers (assuming you are in England or Wales) timescale just for assessment and placement. Reassessment should start immediately and be very expedited. If the barrier is the LA's urgency (as opposed to, say, legal delays) I would be on at them a lot to get this to happen and onto the IRO if you aren't getting very far.

We were approved again and placed in under 5 months from hearing of DD2's existence.

I am interested in other people's experience of social workers views on moving house.

I don't think SW would have an issue if it were to go through before placement, but personally I'd wait (assuming placement will take a lot less than 12 months). Moving house is a huge hassle, without the stress of adoption as well. If it were me I'd rather put up with the smaller house until baby is settled.

I agree with PP
12 months is bonkers, we adopted 2 separate siblings after our first children, it took 5 months, then 4 months.....

as for moving i wouldn't even mention it... it makes SS twitchy and is one of the most stressful things you'll do, don't contemplate the adoption process and moving together.......i'd adopt, let the little one settle then move if you really need to.
Siblings can share a room from day 1.

Donquix.... thanks for the quick response. We've contacted social workers a few times since we were asked if we would adopt the sibling. We are very keen to have them placed as soon as possible. We just get holding responses such as....our reassessment will definitely happen this year but they will contact us when it is time. I assume they are waiting for the court process to complete before they start our reassessment. It is highly frustrating considering we could shave months off the timescales if they were reassessing us now. Is the IRO the right person to raise this with?

Bostonkremecrazy.... thanks for the response. Can young siblings share even if they turn out to be different genders?

We just get holding responses such as....our reassessment will definitely happen this year but they will contact us when it is time.

Are you in England or Wales? If so it's time for a nuclear response. The LA have a duty to see to the best interests of that child- as do you if you want to be parents. I'm assuming that your assessing LA is the same as the placing LA?

1. Contact the line manager for the child's SW. Be clear that you think they are not acting in the child's best interest. Point out that there is a sibling placement ready and waiting and they are deliberately keeping this child in care.

1. If you haven't got dates booked for your stage two meetings within a week contact the child's IRO and explain your concerns. Yes they are the right person- their job is to look after the child's interest.

1. If you haven't got it sorted after a month write to the head of children's SW at that LA. If that doesn't work make a formal complaint using their procedures.

1. Start contacting local VAs now. If you have to do point 3 I'd probably go with a VA. They can get you approved in 6 months (your previous agency should be much quicker) then pursue a match immediately.

I normally don't go around suggesting people make complaints- often it's unproductive. If the LA really are going to leave this child in care until they have time to deal with you (and won't end up placing with someone else before you get done) then it's disgusting. This is the kind of clear cut case that a complaint (ideally informal) can and does solve.

Keep all your correspondence really positive and focused on the needs of the child. Ask for specific outcomes (like booking a meeting) and chase them up.

The outcomes for a child transferring from FC are worse as they get older (though of course they will still be young, I wouldn't want to overstate). Don't let this drag on.

I’d echo thoughts re really pressing on with the assessment - it’s a nonsense to keep a child in care if they don’t need to be.

I would however really give some thought to your DS and how he might feel about sharing his room with a new sibling. A newly placed baby will make demands on your time and will mean you have less availability for him, if he’s starting school he may really miss having time with you and may feel replaced to some degree. Obviously that can be an issue with birth children but we know adoption comes with added challenges.

I would want his bedroom to be his and would probably avoid putting them in together if at all possible so that your DS has somewhere that is his, unchanged by all the new baby upheaval. Could the new baby be in with you until you move?

I would wait to move and ger baby home a.s.a.p.

Move will be less of an issue for baby and I'd put baby on with you and use third bedroom for office.

As soon as things are finalised I'd move. Yoicab research schools and areas now if it helps you feel more on control.

You can

Was in a similar situation years ago decided too extend area is now very desirable property prices are through the roof was not so like this
before.
Is a gamble which way you go, as you are in for the long term things can change either way. Is a Gamble.

Moving before the sibling arrives will always be preferable. The issues start if yo I’ve soon after a child is placed as it’s another change for them. I always planned on moving areas after I adopted but the SW suggested I leave it until my dd had been with me for over 2 years. It was a big discussion point at panel too and I had to reassure everyone that I’d not move soon after dd was placed. As it happened I’m still here after 4 years