Favourite dad

[Adopterdad]

We are same sex couple and adopted 2 year old. She moved in this week - tuesday- she is bonding with my partner really well but is struggling a bit with me. She pushes me away and sometimes hits and particularly when tired she only want partner and will not come to me. I feel I am starting to take a back seat sometimea as she pushes me away
Problem is he goes back to work in a week and im worried she will spend all day asking for papa. Any advice to nip in but now before becomes issue?

We have lots of adopter friends where the child only bonded with one parent for the first few months. Attaching with two new people at once is probably more than their little brains can cope with. No insights how to manage this when one of you goes back to work but I do think this is normal.

We had this! DS did not want to know DH for the first month. Screamed if I left the room, would not approach DH at all. It was so bloody hard and DH really struggled. DS was 13mo.

We are six months in now and they are fantastic together. It started getting better by about week 5, and it has been uphill constantly since then. Please persevere. It's completely normal. Feel free to PM if you want to chat!

We've had our LO for 10 weeks now, and for the majority of that he would want my OH and always call for 'Dada' (LO is now 9 months). But for the last week it's always 'Mama', no 'Dada', and LO will settle straight away for me, but take a while longer with my OH.

I know things will probably swap again, and that's fine, I'm just enjoying being the one he wants for now!

My OH is the one who gets up in the night, first thing, and spends most of the day with him (he's on adoption leave and I'm working from home, so I'm still there but not as constant), so he is always with 'Dada' but wants 'Mama', so I wouldn't worry too much.

For the first 2 weeks I struggled, a lot, to bond and attach to LO, and he was also scared and more 'aggressive' with his hands and tantrums. I spent more time with him, played with him, and now think he may have sensed my fear. I don't have that now and love him to bits, and he loves me back!

I think once you're on your own, relax, and spend time with your LO the attachment will come. It is early days!

Happy to PM if you want to chat.

Hi OP, we had this too. I was the unpopular one - it was brutal. I think with heterosexual couples you can always say 'oh she's a mummy's/daddy's girl', but I didn't have that getout - she just prefered DH. I was surprised by just how much it hurt actually, however objective we tried to be about it.

Children can only attach to one new adult at a time. Give her time and space and it will all move in the right direction.
What she is doing is completely normal and it’s hard being the popular one and being the rejected one.
It will get better, DS rejected DH for a long time, it was awful but now they are super close.
Hang on in there x

Thanks - she was better yesterday- my partner had a long shower and made phone calls upstairs and for that half hour she was great with me - she even read with me (a first) - dumped me the minute he came downstairs but put my mind at ready for when he goes back to work