Therapeutic adoption for parents

[HarrogateDoula]

My son and daughter-in-law are embarking on the adoption process and have given me a heads-up on various sources of reading material. Is there a specific book I could read on Grandparenting or would it just be the same thing?

Related by Adoption is a good, short easy to read book. It’s lovely that you are wanting to read up!

The fact you are ready to read anything is amazing and i think you are brilliant.

Thank you! They have been through so much - failed IVF’s etc. I just want to support them in any way I can. You don’t automatically become grandparents even when you have 3 children and life doesn’t always go the way you think it will. I hope I can cope with a disturbed little one.. 😳

you sound very caring and thoughtful, I'm sure you will be fabulous grandparents.

Maybe don't start off though by thinking about your future grandchild as being 'disturbed'
Of course there may be challenges ahead, but it can also be very normal for want of a better word.
When my mum asked me what I needed from her I said, just be his nanny, because thats what he needs. we don't live close by, but they have developed a very sweet relationship based on mutual adoration !
The best thing they have done is to accept that adoptive parenting can be different, to follow and respect my lead and be quietly supportive. And learn about autism.

Be prepared also to learn about specific conditions such as attachment, ASD, ADHD, FAS, learning difficulties. But of course you won't know what for some time.

Above all, just accept them for what they are and enjoy being their grandparents. Good luck !

Good advice, I really appreciate all that you’ve said. Thank you so much for taking the time. I’ve just been talking to my son about the courses they’ve just completed. It’s all above looking with a different perspective and thinking ‘out of the box’ as to how to turn a situation around to make it positive. Lots of support and love for everyone I think!

@HarrogateDoula my parents went to a training course put on by the Local Authority we are adopting with. My sister couldn’t attend that day and there wasn’t another one scheduled so my social worker contacted another nearby local authority and put her on a course with them. It was seen as a big plus that they were interested in learning more and made it into our PAR as a positive about our support network. May be worth asking your son to ask if they or other nearby LAs do this?

Definitely agree with others the fact that you are reading up and learning about how/why adoptive parenting is different is lovely.

Be prepared....to be blown away by the love you feel for this little one. My family were hugely supportive but worried about all the different complexities my child might have. In the event, my son has no difficulties whatsoever but has completely blindsided my family by the overwhelming love they have for him.

That’s so encouraging... It crosses your mind and worry whether you will feel the love and attachment to this child. I’m sure I will as I love children and babies. My son and his wife live in London and I’m in Yorkshire so with the best will I can’t see a lot of this new little person. It will be a FaceTime bedtime story relationship perhaps. 😊