Sibling adoption

[DLouise2004]

We have just passed stage 2 and starting to think about she ranges and whether we are strong enough for sibling adoption. We would like a larger family and don't have children at the moment. I just wondered if anyone had any stories - good or bad- that they could share around sibling adoption? We think we are thinking of age range between birth and 3 years x

We have just adopted a sibling group and they have been home with us 4 nights. We don't have any children but a lot of experience. Our matching criteria was very wide and one has additional health needs. They are amazing but it obviously is hard work. I wouldn't change it for the world. If you the any questions don't hesitate to ask x

Hi our AD who is nearly 3 was placed with us in December and her brother who has just turned 2 came to us 3 months ago. I won't lie, it's been tough. They were in different foster homes and although they had some contact it wasn't very regular. DD really struggled the first month or so with him being here and was incredibly aggressive towards him. That's calmed down now but it's not easy giving them both what they need but we are all still finding our feet and we wouldn't change it for anything

We adopted two DC last year ages 4 and 6 when they arrived. The first couple of monhths were very hard going managing their competing needs and giving them both space and time was very hard. They both needed a lot of support and I literally didn’t have a waking moment without a child stuck to me.

So their care initially was very hard but their relationship with each other is lovely to watch, they’re funny together and now that I’m in my stride I wouldn’t swap them for anything.

We are three months into adopting an amazing sibling pair, AD now just turned 3 & AS 17 months. They're super close but v competitive for our attention. AD is emotionally very young but (despite some initial worries) no known health or additional needs. I love them both to bits but it is INCREDIBLY hard! We are approved for 3 kids - indeed birth mum has another on the way which we originally said yes to - but we completely underestimated how hard two would be. We wouldn't change it now but we do find ourselves looking longingly at friends who have one child & think how much easier one would be & how much of a better job we could do with one. But we have two wonderful kids & we adore both of them. Lots of ppl we met through the process were approved for 2 or 3 but ended up just taking one & coming back later to adopt a second - the fact that they'd already been approved for more than one meant the process would be much quicker second time. Good luck with whatever you decide! X

Thanks all - do you feel that because they are related they have a fairly strong bond? I just worry about the adopting one and then another and them perhaps not being as close? Is the process def quicker 2nd time around? Am assuming you have to wait to have a large age gap between them? Sorry lots of questions!

My two definitely have that bond through being related, they can talk about their shared history and shared references together. If I had adopted one I don’t think I would have added another unrelated child into the mix.

It’s hard work in the early stages but much easier now and they are so lovely together.

Ours are close because they've been together all this time, they've been through the same things - they are each other's only steady constant. Yes they look similar & share many mannerisms but as they get older they'll likely pick up a lot of our mannerisms too.

Our friends adopted two, one at a time, who are not biological siblings. Their eldest is 5 and their youngest almost 2. That's quite a normal age gap (in both birth & adoption terms) and they are super close. They may not share DNA but they share lots of other things - they've both been through the care system, experienced loss etc etc. They are both adopted. Over time & growing up together they will share childhoods, pick up mannerisms from their adopted parents & become more similar.

Many birth parents go on to have more children & sadly often their situation doesn't change so more of their children are removed & go on to be adopted - much like our children's birth mum being pregnant now. If you adopt a child (or children) it is quite likely that SS will contact you further down the line to ask if you will consider adopting their sibling too.

My advice would be to get approved for more than one if you know you'd like more than one in future but keep an open mind. The process is definitely quicker (not quick but quicker) second time around if you've already been approved for more than one.

I just worry about the adopting one and then another and them perhaps not being as close?

Do you think birth siblings are not close? Some kids get on, some don't but they will be siblings with all that involves. Our two are thick as thieves (90%), when not fighting like cat and dog (10%).

Is the process def quicker 2nd time around?

Yes. If little has changed it's a lot quicker and easier, but that can depend on how much use your agency are. Our second time took 3.5 months, and the work was done with long before panel.

Am assuming you have to wait to have a large age gap between them?

Usually yes (say 4 years) though it very much depends on circumstances. It not at all unusual to adopt one child and be asked to place a birth sibling later.

To your original question: Two kids are certainly harder than one, but there is a really close bond when ages are quite close and it's lovely watching them play together. I would consider getting approved for up to 3 to give yourselves some options. Going to activity days is a good way to get a feel for things.

Thanks all - this has really helped x

We got approved for 1 or 2 children, and looked at profiles with an open mind. If you are drawn to a sibling group profile, I think it is well worth asking if there is a specific sibling assessment, where the professionals explicitly consider whether the children would be better living together or apart. This means the children's needs are put first rather than what placements can be found. FWIW we thought we'd probably go for one and then another later if that felt right, but there was a profile that clicked which was for a pair of siblings so we're pursuing that and finding out more about them.

Thanks @BeckyNW- I hope it all goes well. Keep me posted!

No birth childres and we were initially approved for siblings, but adopted a 3yr old boy who came home March 2016.
We were approved in April this year to adopt again , so a gap of 2 years.
We were able to skip stage 1 and as we very luckily got the same social worker it only took 2 visits with us and 1 with DS and Panel was in April.

I think matching takes a little longer with a resident adopted child, so many other factors to consider, but the process has definitely been easier this time.

I just need a little patience for them to find us another child as special as DS!! (I do not do patience...)

Tell me about it - patience has never been my strong point! That's great you have been cleared for a second placement though- must be so exciting for you. Our 3 day workshop has just been moved back but hoping to start stage 2 the 2nd week of August. Hopefully then the ball will start rolling x