Mental health problems and adoption

[Beanzy1985]

Hi all

Just looking for a bit of advice. My DH and I are going through stage 1 right now and have our medical s next week. My first concern is that we both dislike our GP but they won’t let us meet with another doctor. She just has no bedside manner and the last time I saw her that I had wasted her time as I could have gotten what I needed from the pharmacist.

Anyway, my main issue is that I had counselling whilst at college and so did my DH. Our social worker has also suggested that I might need counselling to draw a line under some family trauma in my background.

Is this going to make us a big fat no? We desperately want to adopt and know we could be amazing parents and don’t want anything to prevent this.

We’ve also got our preparation course booked in, so I presume they are almost sure we will proceed to stage 2?

Thanks

I had counselling while at uni following the death of my father. The SW'S seemed to view it as a positive as it showed I'm willing to get help when needed.

If you don't like your GP, you can move to a new one and start a new relationship with a new one. It is better to get on with your GP. Your heading refers to mental health problems - do you consider yourself to have mental health problems? It is a bit difficult to understand from your post. Having counselling doesn't indicate mental health problems necessarily.

@brightsunshineatlast I like the their doctors there, just not the one we are assigned.

I don’t consider myself to have mental health problems, and my DH has also had counselling whilst a young adult but I worry that they will think there is more going on than there is. Does that make sense?

I really expect them to tell me to have counselling whilst we are going through the process as my childhood is the exact same situation we could potentially be adopting a child from. They asked if I felt I could cope with a child that came from a similar background and I categorically said yes. I know what that child would have gone through and I’ve not allowed my childhood to define me.

I had previously had depression and counselling as a teenager. I also had it again after IVF. I was still approved as an adoptive parent. The social worker said they understand not everyone sails through life without any problems. It's positive that I sought help. What you've described won't prevent you from adopting.

The decision isn’t up to your GP, it is up to the medical assessor that reviews your forms. The GP is asked to fill in the facts and give an opinion. Having had counselling in the past is extremely common. I’m sure there are applicants with much more challenging issues. Having said that, more counselling might be a good idea if your SW is recommending it. I know becoming an A-parent did trigger some unseen issues for me. It’s good overall to shine a light on these things but best not to have if surfacing when you have a child to settle in.

I always got the impression that they prefer people who've struggled through something, got help and come out the other side. So i wouldn't worry on that score.
I would take some time to think about your background a little. It reads like you don't want to go there again. That you're fine and you've parcelled it up and don't want to prod or open that box. From all the training and reading everything suggests that approach doesn't work for adopted kids. I just wanted to flag how you are coming across.

I think, personally, it is really helpful to have a solid relationship with your GP if you go on to have dc who may need more than average support, and who would be able to provide you with backing should you need it, so I would see if you can change your assigned GP to someone you get on better with/can communicate more easily with.

I think someone from your back ground should be ideal assuming that you have dealt with any problems from the past - if you haven't worked through feelings you may be more prone to for example depression or not coping when under pressure - it is down to how thoroughly you have processed things from the past, I think. I think if you cope well with things in the present then that is a good sign. Apparently people with good emotional intelligence are people who can deal with adverse life events more quickly than average, and this comes from having dealt with past issues effectively, and being generally aware of emotions.

I think that if things from the past have been processed effectively then there is little need to revisit - they may come up again from time to time, but this is normal and can be dealt with - so it is a question of whether that is the case or not?

I had issues from my childhood which I had really worked through before I started the process and I considered myself to be in a good place. The adoption process was fine, but life events dragged things out quite a bit - my life experience was considered a real strength by the panel in that I had faced, and overcome significant adversity.

I would say however that having children has really triggered off a lot of old trauma for me - it really makes you reflect on your own childhood and, for example, my children really needed a lot of physical contact with me (as in Velcro kids) which was a completely unknown trigger for me. I went back into therapy after the kids were placed and the support has been essential for me.

Your history isn’t a barrier to adoption but do some real work on yourself as you go through the process and be open to continuing with therapy after placement if need be.