When/how to tell work

[teekay88]

Hi there

I've been lurking the past 6ms or so since my partner and I decided to wait a few months before applying (job change to be nearer home and more flexible, him quitting smoking and finishing a course) We went through initial pre stage 1 Tele assessment with our chosen agency and I've had some contact with them in the interim. They have some initial info on record and they are an agency that has v good word of mouth recommendation and are part of a wider consortium so don't routinely run info eves. So they told us to get in touch when we're ready and from my notes I made the first step with them is likely to be a visit to our home in lieu of an info eve. We are going to apply next week. My understanding is that we wouldn't have to go the registration of interest side all over again and can actually get an actual application in as they've already done pre assessment over phone although that said a lot of circumstances now changed (for better).

I'm in a new role in a FTC for 12ms which I deliberately chose as they are a v flexible employer with a family friendly approach and I wouldn't be tied to them really long term if didnt want to be but would be there long enough to be entitled to adoption pay by time I leave. Im aware the adoption is likely to take longer than a year - they are known to usually move FTC roles onto perm jobs where possible. This is no guarantee but if push came to shove we could afford for me to be a stay at home parent for a while so I'm not overly concerned about finances though being carefully cautious.

I'm worried about how and when to broach the adoption though. I am aware there is lots of waiting but we will need to start taking leave for appt s and training and as I have a v limited pro rata allowance left (our annual leave year end is awkward) I'd probably want to come to some kind of flexible arrangement where I can make time up etc instead of taking actual leave. We are going through a big change process atm so although they wouldn't stop me taking leave I feel it would be better to be honest about why I may need last minute leave than just request it and look uncosncientious during a busy period. Especially as my manager is v approachable and a working mother with flexible arrangements herself. We also have a policy where we have day 1 flexible working rights

But I'm firstly a bit confused about whwther adoption agencies contact employers for a reference (nowhere seems mention this)? So are they likely yo be contacted by agency anyhow?

And secondly how would you advise broaching the subject? I Really don't think they're going to be too difficult as we do have a positive culture around this sort of thing but I am obviously conscious of speaking to them so early in role and how best to explain it to minimise any panic

Any ideas or suggestions or experience v much appreciated. Xxx

This is just my personal opinion but don't tell your employer until you need to.

When I was trying to conceive naturally, and by fertility treatment, I did not tell my employer. It was not their business.

Whatever the company say about working arrangements I feel I would be cautious. Not having a permanent contract does, IMHO, put you at a disadvantage.

You could leave a job any time you like (by giving appropriate notice) so a non-permanent contract has no real benefits to you (that I can see).

In your shoes I would take legal advice about work contracts from a union or reliable source.

I'd also find out from your chosen agency when, if ever, they will contact your work. When you have a definite time frame I would give your work just enough advance warning to ensure they can give a timely reply but not so long that this could jeopardize them making you permanent (if a permanent contract is what you want).

Not all parents return to work, especially not all adopters. However, having the option to return to work, if you choose, is good. It is also, I think, better to be in a role, well liked and valued when you ask for flexible hours.

How long is '...just enough advance warning to ensure they can give a timely reply but not so long that this could jeopardize them making you permanent"...

I'd ask the adoption agency for advice.

I'd also look up what your legal obligations are to employers. I adopted over 4 years ago so it may have changed.

I never told work what appointments for but be as honest as you like. Also because th worked full time (me part-time as we already had dd) we asked for late afternoon appointments after we'd finished work. Being more flexible may speed things up but it may not.

Good luck.

1st time adopting I was far too open with my employer. It didnt actually affect the way they carried on at all, but I felt that with the information they had different decisions could have been made. I think I wanted to be made a fuss of like pregnant people are.

Projects were assigned to me that really didnt make sense given that I was intending to be off for a year - it got me quite stressed and irritated - not least because I was being irrational

We were approved to adopt a 2nd time over a month ago and I've still not told them about it. I'm going to wait to be matched.

I think the agencies do write for a reference, but nobody has mentioned it.. my company is inherently bad at anything HR related so it doesnt surprise me.

If you already have flexibility, I'd use it without saying why - dentist, doctor, physio is a good one if you have to give a reason..

I told my employer fairly near the start, but then, I guess, I wasn't anticipating discrimination etc. DW would be the one taking most of the leave - although it is interesting to see, of course, that I could take much more adoption leave than paternity leave.

Of course the timetable doesn't follow the birth child one - we are going through a lull at present, but think things will pick up again shortly.

For me we have been told that our employer won't be contacted for a reference until stage 2 - so about 2/3 months into the process x

Hi everybody sorry for delay but thank you so much for the advice. It sounds as though there's been some.mxoed experiences with this. One complication is I actually work within the HR team otherwise I wouldn't be so concerned either way as the confidentiality aspect of it would be one step removed. I'm of the mind to leave it as long as I can but having said that our policy states I am entitled to 5 appts paid for adoption purposes plus I don't really want to make up any white lies about reasons for appts in case it comes back to bite me later so I just thought it might be sensible to try to make use of my entitlements rather than using annual leave unnecessarily. However I also can see that it is early in the job the process may take some time yet to really get off the ground and although in an ideal world it shoudlnt matter we all know how employers can be. Luckily my partner is a hr business partner so is pretty clued up about my rights so we've had a good chat and he's confirmed that based on 26 weeks continuous service at point of matching (also in our policy) they are obligated to pay adoption pay regardless of the nature of my contract. I probably should have explained the fixed term role better. I haven't taken it necessarily from the point of view of thinking it would directly affect my adoption success more so that I was in an awful job recently that I needed to get away from for my own well-being which was also involving a horrendous commute into London. I wanted to find a job closer to home and more family friendly and the reason for not doing somethinglonger term is that eventually I'll be looking to set myself up as a self.employed consultant. However the hope was to have a years worth of stable income whilst going through adoption process would be beneficial although as I say if push came to shove and adoption took longer as is likely and I wasn't entitled to pay elsewhere we could cope although obviously not ideal. We have some savings which has taken the fear factor out a little. I've emerged from a really awful year at a terrible job which taught me as cheesey as it sounds about what is important in life. Having said all this about being concerned about telling my employer all the evidence from the 15 or so.women in my team.who have flexible working.hours and the general culture and my managers style does not lead me to believe in any way that I will be discriminated against but I am a natural born worrier and would like to take things cautiously. We'll see. Thanks for all the advice. I plan on calling acas as well just to be super clear on my rights etc and then I think what I'll do is not tell until there is something concrete to tell or enough appts on a regular enough basis to warrant me needing to explain. Thank you xxx

Sorry as a side note picking up on a point above would you say it is fairly common for social workers to offer late pm or eve appts? If so making it work that way would be great bit I am also aware it's likely not to be offered everywhere

Our social worker didn't have any much flexibility on the timing of appointments - they were all during working hours, including when she visited our referees. We are with a LA.

We have been told social workers will have limited availability on appointments and will be unlikely to do evenings/weekends- not sure if that helps x

@teekay88 our social worker was really good and most appointments suited us. I do realise we were lucky.